Dependent OR Independent......

Dependent OR Indepedent....


From the day a child is born..till certain period of life each child is dependent upon the parents....that too if it is a girl...she cannot be so independent and she has her own limitations and restrictions...if she is in a orthodox family...its more difficult for her where she doesnt even enjoy even her basic freedom.... She has to depend on her father or brother...for everything even buying a pencil from a shop..This is a unwritten rule... many girls undergo this even these days..its harsh reality..

One of my college friend was denied to study her computer course in Chennai with us.. the reason was ridiculous..Her parents dont want her to go to chennai...Since its very far from their place... She was a talented gal.... but failed to convince her parents..She took a Lecturer job nearby her place... If she had done the course she would have got a good placement in one of her dream companies.....All her dreams were fired by her own parents at that point.. She was dependent one so she couldnt decide even for her higher studies or career......

Even if a girl takes a good job in a reputed organisation with five figure salary..She puts an end to her job...before her marriage day..may be due to the circumstances or pressure of the people around her (DH,Inlaws parents) .. This happens even today..No girl wants to quit her dream job just like that....

But some manage to continue job sucessfully even after marriage...and balance between family and work..utilise all the ability and potential..to make all her dreams come true in life...

If and only if..she gets a paycheck more than her husband.... if he is a narcisccistic one..then her life becomes hell....She is forced by her husband or her parents and sibilings and given a choice to decide between Husband or Career....

Women is one who is mostly provoked....always living in turbulence..If she sacrifices and puts an end to all her dreams and desires..all others around her are ready to give her a beautiful life if not..she is the one to loose nobody else.... This is the thought of many people today...

The older generation like our mothers and grandmothers ..didnt decide anything .They were given instructions where they have to follow... they were totally dependent ones..

But even today Women cannot decide or not even given a chance to decide at many points that too in crucial points of her life .....


Women were dependent in the PAST...
Women are dependent in the PRESENT....
Will Women be dependent in FUTURE..??

There are very few and rare gentlemen who respect women and give the space they need..and does not interfere in the dreams,desires,aspirations and ambitions....

If your guy is one of them..then YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST WOMEN.....

Well Brindha

I would like to slightly invert your view point .......Its The Situation, Circumstances as well as the world and society Dependent heavily on women........We are not dependent on them as the famous convention is....

for your words
"if she is in a orthodox family...its more difficult for her where she doesnt even enjoy even her basic freedom.... She has to depend on her father or brother...for everything even buying a pencil from a shop..This is a unwritten rule... many girls undergo this even these days..its harsh reality..
"
Let me take it the other way....The father and brother here are responsible for the girl's well being.....because the girl is such a valuable resource .......They cant go to the shop and buy things because there are other men in the world who may not feel the brotherly/fatherly affection to them.....What if the girl is harmed.....there will be no use of the existance of father n brother later.......so we must be assisted and taken care of !!!...cant be let loose like sons who are neither vulnerable like us nor as richly gifted/Blessed to be a girl........We give life as a mother....thus womanhood is something next to Divine or probably Divine thyself!!...cannot be afforded to be Not to be taken care of!!

"
One of my college friend was denied to study her in Chennai with us.. the reason was ridiculous..Her parents dont want her to go to chennai...Since its very far from their place... She was a talented gal.... but failed to convince her parents..She took a Lecturer nearby her place... If she had done the course she would have got a good placement in one of her dream companies.....All her dreams were fired by her own parents at that point.. She was dependent one so she couldnt decide even for her higher studies or......"


The girl here was not dependent but infact not Good in Convincing effectively her parents....and the parents here are not sure / bold enough of taking care of the Divine thing they are blessed with!!well I have few cases where even the guy being treated the same....and that time my remarks would certainly be"are u having a daughter or what that you are not sending him abroad for studies??"

The perfect example I can give here is....Imagine you have 10 Kgs of Gold studded with 100 diamonds.....would you prefer to keep it in a locker in a bank near your home or in the neighbouring town?.....u keep it in the local bank you have to pay extra annual fee but keeping the same in the neighbouring bank would yield you 10% interest paid by bank to you as a service....what would you decide...Rember..this gold and diamonds were your hard earned and not gifted!!....what would you decide?

"
Even if a girl takes a good job in a reputed organisation with five figure salary..She puts an end to her job...before her day..may be due to the circumstances or pressure of the people around her (DH,Inlaws parents) .. This happens even today..No girl wants to quit her dream job just like that....

"

The wise girl may quit and find a new job...the wiser girl will try to identify the need for that hour...like getting to know the family as well as DH well and then depending on financial issues at home / family planning / taking care of old inlaws might choose to work or not to work
because your presence and importance is needed at home and personal front rather than professional front...you quit job the company gets a replacement with same skills...u cant afford to quit the responsibilities at personal front....again the whole family needs you a it is dependent on you...not the otherway round


Thus all fought and sought...I would say...somewhere sometime the woman of the house becomes vulnerable to situations and bows down but again that would be for the beterment for her family or for her loved one...

If only you understand tamil and have heard the title song of tamil serial "chithi"...which goes as "kannin mani .....gangai nadi...vaigai nadi pen dananamma....."..The whole sog is so meaning ful and after listening to it you truely feel The world is dependent on us and not the otherway round

Cheers!!
Anu

Hi brindha,


well written but i beg to differ...i feel todays woman is indeed spoilt with choices...i am telling this based on only the women i know among friends and relatives...i think we have a great life......most of us have very supportive husbands and inlaws...we decide on the course to study,the career to have,the man u want to get married and settled down,plan the time u want to have a baby,whether to continue working etc etc...all this of course if u are a strong woman and can decide for yourself WITH your partners support...and i think around 80 % of the men are very supportive of their wives decisions...yes, the rest are certainly dependent...

Mindi

Dear Anu..

Im happy to see your first and nice feedback dear....

I thought of writing this blog having the statement of many people in the society ..

"Woman cannot survive independently ,She always depends on their father,husband or her son..... "

I thought of raising this query here.... this is the right palce... !!
and the examples quoted here were some of my reflections....

You have quoted your views very clearly that women are not dependent.....

Lets wait and see what are dear friends say... :)

I have not heared the song dear.Will surely hear if I get a chance..

Thanx for your nice FB Anu..

Originally Posted by Mindian

Hi brindha,


well written but i beg to differ...i feel todays woman is indeed spoilt with choices...i am telling this based on only the women i know among friends and relatives...i think we have a great life......most of us have very supportive husbands and inlaws...we decide on the course to study,the career to have,the man u want to get married and settled down,plan the time u want to have a baby,whether to continue working etc etc...all this of course if u are a strong woman and can decide for yourself WITH your partners support...and i think around 80 % of the men are very supportive of their wives decisions...yes, the rest are certainly dependent...

Mindi

Dear Mindi,

Thanx for your FB dear.. Its nice to see your views on this.... I think...this dependency..is found more in middle and lower class women dear..than the upper class ..I hope you can understand what im pointing out dear... but many girls are blessed to be dependant as you have stated..but not dependant always..I think..I may be wrong also... :)

Thanx for sharing your views dear... Lets wait for more.. :)

Good one Brindhak!

True, as women this thought often crosses our minds and we often experience being at such crossroads where we have duty (and sacrifice) on one side and following our desire/ambition on the other.

Being independent, to us women, has two parts according to me. One is the independence that we talk about in general terms (earning money, being a part of decision making in the house etc.). The other very crucial part, I think, is the emotional independence, which I think contributes heavily towards our overall independence. Since women are generally more emotional than men, the emotional independence factor plays a huge role in what we get and achieve in life.

Certain things are inherently gender specific. For example, our mental make-up is inherently different than that of men. Mental conditioning too plays a major role in the way we behave and what we get out of life.

Add to that our upbringing. All of us girls/women who were given a liberal upbringing believe that we were brought up like "boys" and that no gender discrimination was made by our parents. Could be true. But there are certain unsaid lessons that we were imparted growing up - imparted by society, imparted by our pwn parents (sometimes unknowingly). And these unsaid lessons play a huge role in the conditioning of our mind.

Sometimes we ourselves become our own roadblock without recoginizing that it is so.

I sincerely urge all my fellow-women here and the ones who have daughters to read some of my thoughts about instilling the emotional independence streak in our girls. It is something that we have to work on right from their childhood. Feel free to share your thoughts in that thread -
Does financial independence alone help us chart our own course?

Brindhak, this topic is something I am passionate about and so enjoyed reading your lovely post and replying to it.

SS

Hi Brindha,

I second SS, that independence can have various meanings, relative to each person.

There are many women belonging to the older generation, who are very independent - for example, my grandmother lives in the village. But she makes sure her voice and her preferences are heard! Everyone around bows to her because she is the strong type and does not take any nonsense from others.

On the other hand, I have seen many women who willingly forgo the right to make decisions. They hesitate even to disclose any illness they have, because they don't want to inconvenience the rest of the family. Now, that is such a sad situation. They seem to be happy, but I don't know if that is just a facade.

Thankfully, life is improving - you no longer hear of girls being readied for marriage at 15, and women are learning to stand up for themselves and voice their opinions. Believe me, how much ever another person loves you, he/she will always love himself/herself better. Therefore, no one can know our best interests better than we ourselves, and as human beings and citizens of free countries, it is our duty to realize that as best as we can.

Here's to all women and their well-being,

Regards,
Sowmya

Dear Brindha,

Nice topic friend ...

Being Independant, depends to the life partner dear ... I have been dependant on my Mom and now to my Hubby ... later I will not be dependant on my son ... But, I grow my kids to be independant for their Future ... Even, when I sit infront of PC when my hubby is at home, I always type in hurry before he comes else he will ... 'what are you doing ... always with IL' ... doesn't this means also dependant ...

Originally Posted by brindhak

Dependent OR Indepedent....


From the day a child is born..till certain period of life each child is dependent upon the parents....that too if it is a girl...she cannot be so independent and she has her own limitations and restrictions...if she is in a orthodox family...its more difficult for her where she doesnt even enjoy even her basic freedom.... She has to depend on her father or brother...for everything even buying a pencil from a shop..This is a unwritten rule... many girls undergo this even these days..its harsh reality..

One of my college friend was denied to study her computer course in Chennai with us.. the reason was ridiculous..Her parents dont want her to go to chennai...Since its very far from their place... She was a talented gal.... but failed to convince her parents..She took a Lecturer job nearby her place... If she had done the course she would have got a good placement in one of her dream companies.....All her dreams were fired by her own parents at that point.. She was dependent one so she couldnt decide even for her higher studies or career......

Even if a girl takes a good job in a reputed organisation with five figure salary..She puts an end to her job...before her marriage day..may be due to the circumstances or pressure of the people around her (DH,Inlaws parents) .. This happens even today..No girl wants to quit her dream job just like that....

But some manage to continue job sucessfully even after marriage...and balance between family and work..utilise all the ability and potential..to make all her dreams come true in life...

If and only if..she gets a paycheck more than her husband.... if he is a narcisccistic one..then her life becomes hell....She is forced by her husband or her parents and sibilings and given a choice to decide between Husband or Career....

Women is one who is mostly provoked....always living in turbulence..If she sacrifices and puts an end to all her dreams and desires..all others around her are ready to give her a beautiful life if not..she is the one to loose nobody else.... This is the thought of many people today...

The older generation like our mothers and grandmothers ..didnt decide anything .They were given instructions where they have to follow... they were totally dependent ones..

But even today Women cannot decide or not even given a chance to decide at many points that too in crucial points of her life .....


Women were dependent in the PAST...
Women are dependent in the PRESENT....
Will Women be dependent in FUTURE..??

There are very few and rare gentlemen who respect women and give the space they need..and does not interfere in the dreams,desires,aspirations and ambitions....

If your guy is one of them..then YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST WOMEN.....

Dear Brindha
A very well written piece here by you.. also this has been a controversial topic forever!
First I want to share that my husband is one such person , a rare gentleman who respects me and has always given me space very graciously..
I agree with you on most of what you say but disagree with your lines
Women are dependent in the Present. I dont think so... atleast not to a great extent. As in many cases its difficult to generalise.. but things have vastly improved than during our mothers' times. Today most girls do have a choice about their education and then choice of life partners too.. But if you were to look only at the volume then this fact might still has scope for improvement.
Then again you need to deifne what is dependent and not.. There are many aspects to this leastof which is financial and emotional.
Also this need always be looked upon as a curse the dependent part.
It can be mentally stimulating and a pleasure to share your lot with your lifes partner provided you are fortunate to have this person also as your best friend.
Time would only tell.. if this is true or not!
Also while being dependent you can still make independent choices about so many factors that influence you and your family...
maybe I should stop rambling now!
Keep writing dear.. you rock!

Hi Brindha,

A controversial topic ! Infact, I had started a thread on similar lines on 29th march'08. There were very few but interesting responses from some of the IL'ites. I have also shared my thoughts on the same...

Here is the link...Women demanding level-playing field

Cheers
Krithika