Joint Family Vs Nuclear Family - Your Thoughts?

Raji,

Joint family has a lot to offer, very true.. We get to be more matured and try to teach ourselves how not to get affected by silly stuff, but still lead a life as we want.. thats a huge task... but once we start doing it, I guess it will be an awesome life :) :) :)

but i think wether u stay in jt family or a nuclear family maintaining the relationships is very imp.here giving some space to each individual n respect for the same frm both the sides must surely b there.

bye
raji

Very important thing everyone should know... Giving each their own space is what makes any relationship healthy..

Dear Nandhu,

A great topic ! Yesterday Is aw this but could not reply due to my ill health. Hece remembered to come here today.......

1. I would always prefer a JFS as I am already staying in one. It is great to be in this but involves lot of maturity, adjustment and compromise from everybody. If this click then this is the best thing. Kids are benefitted a lot. Though we were living separately for few years but still JFS is my option.

2. JFS is a boon. No doubt on that........ I will let you know a secret, if we have to go to out of town on an emergency or for a short vacation, we need not worry about dh nor the kids. When we also are working......... kids are looked after nad kids too enjoy with grandparents so uch. They learn a lot about values of family, sharing, compromise etc.

3. I have two daughters so not sure whether I will be staying with them as they are too young but I don't mind both ways.

Dear nandhu,

Nice topic to discuss.Mine is a nuclear family as i don't have inlaws and my mom's place is joint family. So i know the benefits of both.

It is true, if there is good relationship bet. the family members(in laws),Joint family is the best.whenever i go to my mom's place(every day), i definitely feel the positive energy in the house.As lalitha said, we have more advantages in a joint family. Children also grow in a very healthy environment.There will be people to share our happiness and sadness.

But this works out good only if the relationship is good between the members.Otherwise we will feel like living in a hell.

In nuclear family, definitely children will miss a lot.It is little boring.But to avoid misunderstandings,nuclear family is preferred.It is better to keep distance than to fight everyday.

for the second question, if joint family a curse or boon,
Definitely it depends on the situation.Only if there is proper understanding, joint family is a boon otherwise it is a curse.

Third question is a very good question.
I and my dh would always prefer a old age home.But that doesn't mean that we will not support our dd.We will definitely give our support when needed.
If she gives us the right to select her partner, we would prefer a boy in a big family.
In old age we prefer to live in peace.So my choice is old age home.
whenever we want to see our dds , we have the choice to visit her for 1 or 2 months.

Dear Nandhu,

Even though we would like to have a nucleuar family we cant.Just as we cant live without mobiles and computers, which are now a part of our life.


See , we are 4 brothers and our lifestyles are very different.So are the ladies.We all stay separately, hence we are happy.

Those were the days when everyone was happy in sharing and staying together.Today that is sadly not so.

Given a choice , I would stay separate, but close by to my parents.

Regards.kamal

Hey Nandu,

Don't know how i missed out on this thread.

I was in a joint family earlier and due to work had to move out of the city. I definitely believe that JFS is a good way with lot of pros and the main con being relationship and understanding between members.

The pros:

- Company
- kids are taken care of (not to leve them entirely on grand parents...but can have a nanny and grandparents can supervise...so its not a burden on them)
- Economical
- some one to take care when not in good health
- if you are working you don't have to lock unlock...and also those at home can take care of some work left behind. (like the maid coming later in the day to do cleaning)
- as Lalli said, DH's are taken care of when not in town.

Cons:

- need to relly work hard to maintain a helathy relationship
- need to forgo a few things
- adjustments

I feel its the responsibility of the elder to see that a healthy relationship is maintained in the family and all are given equal responsibilities.

If the members can get along well..i feel JFS is really a boon, otherwise its

We don't have kids so no question of old age home or living together.

My dear nandhu,
This is a topic close to my heart,so here Iam to share with you my thoughts on this subject.
Joint family in the lden days was a boon,not anymore.
1.In the lden days major portion of the family income was from cultivation.The brothers worked in the fields supervised the workers etc.The money from the land was used to run the family.So there was no question of one brother earning more the other earning less etc.
2.Women had no say in the spending of money,.They accepted their position in the family.They were full time housewives.They did not know that such a thing as equal rights for women existed.
3.The children were taken care of.But the parents did not have much say in the disciplining of their children.They were sometimes spoilt by the relatives,too much of petting and pampering.
4.Family politics did exist.
5.Now,cultivation is not the source of family income anymore.men and women are educated,qualified and their salary and perks differ according to their position.So brothers can not live under one roof.The salary earned,the life style preferred by the wives,the food habits everything has undegone a seachange.Hence the question of brothers living under onre roof is impossible.
6.Most often the husband and wife ask their parents to come and live with them to take care of their children.It is cruelty inflicted on the old.Old age is for relaxation and being peaceful.That is not the age for either the grandma or grandpa to run after the kids and take care of them.I have seen this happening in many families where both husband and wife go for job and pitiable is the condition of the old parents.
7.In my very old age,Iam already old,I would like to be on my own.Iam a very independent person besides one kitchen can not have two mistresses.I would not like to interfere with my daughters' running of their respective homes.
8.I would like to visit them once an year,spend sometime with them and come ack to our nest dso that my husband and I who are good friends and have managed to get along with each other can spend our old age in peace.
9.The other choice is looking out for a nice old ae home.
love
mithila kannan

Dear Nandhu : This is indeed a simulating topic, I think what works for one does not work for the other, preferably a joint family system is good but then to make it work you do need like minded people. Especially when someone new comes in the family via marriage it is a big adjustment.

For me personally Nuclear Family is good with close proximity to family members.