My Conservative Upbringing - Part 1

That was the last straw. How could my mom say that?

She said I could not join Access.

Access was a multinational software company !

Every One of my classmates congratulated me. They would have given their right arm for this job.

And my mom said I couldn’t take up the job. Just because I had to go to Mumbai !

Oh hi ! My name is LakshmiGayatri Subramaniam. I live in Chennai. I live with my mom and my brother

I was born in a very conservative Brahmin family. We were brought up very strictly by my parents. Can you believe I was never allowed to go out by myself ? Not even to buy my own clothes !

My mom stitched my clothes. She did not have the faintest idea of fashion. I was the laughing stock in my college ! I was the only girl who wore a green half saree with a pink skirt ! I was also the only girl with a unibrow since I was not allowed to go to the beauty parlour

It was embarrassing but I had learnt to block such things from my mind. I did not even see the guys and girls laughing.

After all when the results came in it was not them but me who was laughing

I came first in my class for as long as I can remember

The only activity encouraged in our house was studies. We had no TV.

Marks were the secret deity in our house.

We had to come first in class. Both me and my brother.

I don’t remember ever coming second from LKG to 12th standard. I am scared to even imagine what would have happened had we not come first in any of our subjects.

Maybe my mom would have gone into depression. Or maybe she would have gone on a satyagraha or something. Or done some special pooja to ward off the evil that had befallen our pristine house

So pristine was our house that visitors were discouraged. What if they were from some lower caste?

I remembered the time when one of my dad’s friends happened to visit unexpectedly. We were so shocked that nobody could talk. Me and my brother slipped to the rear of the house to watch the fun.

And the punch line was that he asked for coffee !

The whole house went into damage control mode.

Looks were exchanged as if a known spy from the CIA had just entered the KGB headquarters!

How could this happen? There were no instructions in the ‘manual’ for this kind of situation !

My mom finally made the coffee with great trepidation and threw the glass after he left.

Who knew if he was from some lower caste? We could not soil our lips with that glass anymore you see

That was the kind of upbringing I had



Listen to this. This is the funniest thing.

I once met a guy in my office from Chennai who asked if I remembered him. I said no. He informed me that he lived three houses down the street from me. For 13 years !

I had never even seen this guy.I guess I was so used to walking with my eyes down




Self control. Another requirement of the Subramaniam household.

I have never disobeyed my parents or even lost my temper. That was not the 'done' thing at our house

We are perfectionists you see. Even when it comes to relationships. Criticize till perfection is achieved. That was the unwritten rule

Let me illustrate

My brother is smarter than me. Of course he got into IIT. My mother has never stopped reminding me of the fact that my brother is smarter than me.

I wrote the IIT entrance too. But the thought of studying in that place somehow irritated me. So I deliberately botched the exam

My mother was livid.

A Subramaniam who did not get into IIT? What flaw in my character was responsible for that?

I mean I had done so many things right. And all she could remember was that I did not get into IIT???

I do not remember a time when my mother has praised me.

She always finds fault with me. No matter how much I try to impress her, it is not enough. She will always point out some fault in me


But I am digressing So getting back to where I was. The Access job offer

All my friends were overjoyed when they found out I was joining access. They said they would have a big treat for me since they knew I was never given any money. They said it would be a lunch treat since I was not allowed out anywhere.

Then they found out that I had to turn the offer down.

My mother said I could not leave Chennai. They could not believe it !

They did the unthinkable. One of my friends came home to talk to her.

'Please aunty...', he said and listed the reasons why this was the most coveted job around.

As soon as he left, my mother summoned me to the interrogation room. The kitchen

She warned me not to allow any of my friends to come home. It was not ‘our’ way

I went to my room and wept bitterly.



It was not my fault. I had not told him to come

But my mother would not listen. She repeated the same thing everyday thereafter.

I was not like my brother and I had no respect for parents




I regretted applying to Access. I regretted being smart. I regretted being born.




I got a job in a company locally and started work. Now that I was working, it was time.


It was time for marriage



We received this proposal. The astrologer had compared birth dates. The planets approved. Even the shastras had converged

More importantly he was an IIT guy from the same caste.

He came home to see me. He worked in a big software company in Bangalore. He looked sweet and innocent. I did not even have the courage to look at him.

When I did not even talk he asked if I had a boyfriend.

Me? I had not even talked for over 5 minutes to a guy !

As soon as he left my mom asked me what my decision was. Could she tell them to proceed with the arrangements? She seemed quite ready to get the whole thing over with.

I asked for time.

Something was stopping me from listening to my mom for the first time in my life



That’s when my friend Rachna introduced me to Shaadikaladoo.com

When I met her in the computer lab, she was busy. She was looking at guys profiles in this matrimonial website and laughing.

I joined in and we examined the guys like we were checking tomatoes to see if they were ripe

Everybody was decent and hard working it seemed. And they all wanted a 'homely girl who was fair'. That was unfair wasn’t it? What would happen to the dark girls we wondered and laughed

Suddenly I noticed this guy Suresh. He did not wat a homely girl. Or one that was fair. He wanted one with 'spirit'.

'Did I have spirit?', I wondered

He looked like a Politician. Huge. And like a rowdy.

In fact he was a businessman and wrote stories. What kind of guy who looks like that, writes stories ? We giggled and left for home

But something had stirred in me. I dreamt of Suresh that night.

Rachna seemed to have noticed the change in me. She met me the next day

‘I wrote to Suresh. I saw the way you looked at him Lakshmi’, Rachna told me to my utter horror

‘What are you talking about? Are you mad?’

‘Well he has sent his number. You can call from an STD booth and he will never know from where you are calling’

She gave me the number and just walked away !

How could she do this? Rachna was mad ! How could she give me this number !

Imagine if my mom found out ! She would kill me.

I had to throw it out immediately. I had to

I put the number into the remotest corner of my hand bag.

My God . What was I doing?

Nobody could find out about this. What was wrong with me? He is not even a Brahmin !

I reached home and went quietly to my room

My mom’s eagle eyes immediately noticed that something was up.

I was sitting at my desk pretending to study

‘Lakshmi !’, my mom called out. For the first time in my life I did not even hear her. I was still wondering if I had 'spirit'

She came barging into the room .

‘What is wrong with you? If you expect me to decide about that boy you are mistaken! It is time you had your own opinion ! I cant think for you all your life !’

For the first time in my life I had decided

The next day I went to the STD booth

 

Re: My Conservative Upbringing - Part 2

Thnx ! Am posting next part now

Santosh