I learnt ‘meditation’, my dear, and went to meet my athai in the village.

I learnt ‘meditation’, my dear, and went to meet my athai in the village.

It started in the ninetees,my dear,my tryst with the God blessed meditation.My husband was transferred to Delhi in a senior capacity and naturally we were happy to go to Delhi.There were many in- house parties that we had to attend.I had occasion to meet many celebrities during those sessions.They were highly fashionable ladies and gentlemen who attended these parties apart from our company senior level people.But by no means should you imagine that I am a highly fashionable person.No, not at all.If the highly fashionable ladies at those parties gave me culture shock(the way most ladies spoke English with an ununderstandable accent and the way they talked about their foreign trips as others would talk about their trip to the verandah of their houses) my dear,I must have given greater shock to the ladies, what with my oiled hair adorned with jasmine,bright coloured(maroon,red,green dark blue)rich silk sarees and a big tikka on my forehead.I continued to shock them, my dear,till I opened my mouth to speak ,then they were relatively put at ease because I could speak reasonably good English with the unmistakable Tamilian accent ofcourse..

The most difficult aspect of attending those parties was not about what to wear,but what to talk to others.You should be either a stunner or an an interesting conversationalist to make yourself comfortable in those get togethersStunner, I definitely was not and making interesting conversation was what I concentrated on and what gave me worries..Husband of mine would be by my side only till we reached the hotel or the lawn of the house where the party was held.Then he would disappear and would be chatting away with his colleagues and friends and poor me had to fend for myself.So, even two days before the Dday ie the night of the party, I would be keenly watching all the news channels and reading the newspaper as if my life’s luck was written in it,only to gather items of interest to talk or start the conversation with others.

The task proved a nightmare for me.I would gather items of interest like the price of vegetables in the market,but their talks centered round the latest jewellery designs.I would go armed with details about the famous actor’s affair with a model or the latest book that I read or the music that I enjoyed most,ofcourse M.S.Amma.
And would enter the arena with great expectations of being recognized the latest livewire of a party.But to my utter dismay, I would find out that ,the items of interest were not books or music or the actor’s affair but the soaring price of diamonds and the nonavailability of first rate emeralds in the jewelley market. There I would be, watching others chatting away to glory, for the price of diamonds was not my area of interest you see.

Well ,one evening I met my long lost friend Pankajam in one such party and my heart sang with joy,but only for a short while.When I went near her to say,” hello” to her,I realized that my friend Pankajam had changed drastically.I knew P ankajam right from my Ist std,she was my friend till we finished school.Then she went to Mumbai ,I went to Bhuvaneshwar,but we kept in touch with each other for a long time.She was a very simple down to earth person,born and brought up in an orthodox family.Here she was with short hair,light make up.shiffon saree and a slim chain with a large diamond with bangles to match I gaped at her and her style of conversation.Oh,my!Pankajam smiled at me and that made me feel better.In entered a stylish Youngman, very fair and handsome,suddenly most of the ladies surrounded him including Pankajam.All the ladies hoo hawed to him and Pankajam said,”Oh,Tarun, my niece wore your piece for her wedding and she looked so divine,when will you make such a piece for me?”
The young man laughed and moved.I nudged Pankajam,”Who is this Tarun?Is he a tailor?”
“Keep quiet,you fool,Mr.TarunTahliani is the latest big time fashion designer,if you don’t know him, you are not fit to attend this party at all”.
My heart sank.I returned home desolate, but did not share my woe with my husband.I like to fight my own battles.
That night set me thinking.I decided that I should learn something that was the latest one be it art or even bharatha natyam for that matter and become the talk of the parties.I thought and thought.
The next morning,I stood before my husband,since I was cooking in the kitchen, a big stainless steel ladle was in my hand.I told him crisply,”I want to learn pranayamam and meditation from you”;
He looked at me composedly, not deterred by the ladle in my hand and said,”ok,from tomorrow morning at 6.30 you have to be ready ,I will teach you Pranayamam and meditation,it is no big deal at all”He never even asked me why I was showing sudden interest in these two things,having been accustomed to my idiosynchrasies for the pase 20 years.
The next day saw me sitting obediently in front of my husband.Thus went my husband’s instructions and my response to them.
“Now breathe normally”
I did that.
“Now,take deep breaths a couple of times”
Idid that.
“Now take your right hand,with your thumb close one nostril and breath in through the other nostril Your stomach should expand with the air breathed in”
“It is already expanded”said I quite innocently,but my husband thought I was joking and glared at me.He continued,”now you breathe out through the other nostril.When you breathe in, your stomach has to expand and the anus has to shrink tight and when you breathe out, the stomach has to expel the air breathed in and the anus kept normal.”
I tried. I could breath in holding one nostril closed, while the stomach was filled with the breathed in air but could not tighten the anus simultaneously.When I told him this,”Well keep trying",thundered my husband.
“Next you breathe out through the other nostril and your stomach has to tighten and touch your back”said my husband.
I tried, my stomach refused to touch my back.
This continued for sometime,I got up and said,”Enough of this circus for me”and left the place muttering,”I have better things top do”.
In the meanwhile I tried to change my look.I cut short my hair,bought few shiffon sarees with the approval of my daughters, who were in college at that time,I learnt to apply subtle make up,I started wearing perfumes even when I went to the vegetable market,”Practice makes perfect you see”.
But inspite of all these changing over,my conversation with others remained much to be improved.There I was, folding my hands and pretended to be in deep appreciation of what was being discussed at different groups while I looked out for my husband through the corners of my eyes.But all the time ,my mind was working furiously, since I had made up my mind that come what may ,I should become one of the livewires of the parties .
On one fine morning, I stood before my husband, whose head was buried in that day’s newspaper and he looked like an ostrich wearing Bermudas and T.shirt if you can imagine an ostrich wearing a Bermuda and t.shirt.This time I was holding a kitchen knife in my hand and while I talked to him, I showed it before him at different angles, not that he bothered.
“I want to learn meditation from you”said I, with a serious countenance.My knife notwithstanding he said,”No.I can’t teach you even a,b,cd.Because after ten minutes you will get up and say”I can’t do that or it is not for me” and I don’t want to waste my time”.
I threw away the knife and came and sat before him with folded hands.Please,please don’t say that.You have to teach me meditation.You have done a course in transcendental meditation no?Please,my wonderful husband(ReallyI use all these adjectives wonderful,lovable,fantastic etc when I want something from him)don’t say ,"no!”
Atlast my husband relented and my meditation class started the same day.
I prepared the ground for a smooth meditation session.I told my girls,”Look, in the morning between 6 and 6.30 I am going to meditate.There shoud be no noise in the house.Don’t put on the music,and no loud fights between you”They nodded their heads in unison,
I told my maid,”Don’t come before 8 o’clock,I will be busy,I won’t be able to give you any instruction.”She also nodded her head.Then I went around searching for a suitable place in the house which will be calm and ideal for meditation.
My elder daughter said with a straight face,”Calm and peaceful place can be the loo only”and got a stare from me.
Finally it was agreed by me and my husband that I will do meditation in our bedroom only.
The class started.My husband explained to me how I should sit in a place quietly and do deep breathing a couple of times.”Then, think of a nice place, a place that makes you happy even when you think about it and mentally transport yourself there.Sit quietly,concentrate on any one thing. It can be your favourite God or a picture or a flower,concentrate on that,many thoughts will come, let them come ,don’t try to drive them away,after sometime those thoughts will vanish. Continue to concentrate on the thing you have selected in your mind. If you want, you can mentally chant “ohm” that will be easy for you.”In this manner my husband went on teaching me how to meditate.
The next day ,I got up early,changed into fresh clothes and in all earnestness went and sat in my room to do meditation,the time was 6.15.A few minutes would have passed the door bell rang.I continued with my meditation,hoping that somebody at home will open the door.No.The bell continued ringing.I went and opened the door.It was the boy who deliveed milk to our houses,he wanted to know if I wanted extra milk that day because somebody did not want milk that day.I said,”No,I don’t want”and came and sat.It took me two minutes to come to normal breathing.
Three to four minutes would have passed,my husband came and touched my shoulder.I opened my eyes with fury.”Sorry dear,a phone call for you”he gave me the phone.”Tell whoever it is that Iam doing med”said I with an air of inmportance.
“Your sister won’t listen,she says that what she wants to ask you is more important”.
My sister wanted to know how to make morkhuzhambu.She has asked this recipe for the umpteenth time.Hurriedly I gave her the recipe and put the phone down.But by the time it was getting late,I had other kitchen work to do,I got up with irritation.
The next day I gave instructions to one and all at home that I was not to be disturbed for any reason and sat for meditation.Thoughts came flooding.I tried to remain calm but could not.The previous night I had watched Anakonda with my daughters and the sight of snake came to me again and again.However much I tried I could not get it out of my mind.After sometime with great difficulty I concentrated on Arabindo mother and immediately I became alert.I remembered that I had kept the milk on the stove and had forgotten to put off the stove.I jumped up ,went t othe kitchen put off the stove and at that time only DH wanted a cup of tea,so out went my meditation.The next day I sat with the resolution that come what may I will complete my meditation and sat down.Ten minutes passed I was on the verge of entering into that beautiful phase where you lose yourself and become exteremely calm and peace descends on you,when Valli, my maid almost shouted in my ear.
“Amma ,come to the kitchen fast,what has happened to Appa.Iam afraid to look at him.”For a minute I was stunned and then charged into the kitchen.There was my husband in front of the stove.The pressure cooker was on the stove.My husband had tied a towel round his head like a headgear and was keeping a steel plate in front of him coveing his chest like an armour.
“What do you think you are doing?”I was plainly irritated.
My husband said,”I can stand anything but not the whistles from the pressure cooker. Do you remember the gentleman who was in the next room to ours in Escorts where I had bypass surgery? Even though he never drank and was a strict vegetarian, he had to have bypass surgery because his wife used to keep the pressure cooker on the stove and would be chatting away on the phone, unmindful of the number of whistles.Well, I don’t want another surgery,so you better finish cooking and the do your meditation.”

Amidst so many hurdles like this, my dear, I successfully learnt to do meditation and managed to meditate for atleast 20 minutes at a stretch.

I was elated.There I was in those parties,telling whoever would hear me,”I was so busy today my dear,I did not have time for med also”
Or,”Oh my dear,I just can’t start my day without doing med for atlest half an hour”This had desired effect and I managed to get some attention, so if not a live wire I became an ordinary zero watt bulb atleast.


A relative’s marriage took place in my native village,since my husband could not come, I went to my village, to attend the wedding.I was too happy to go, not only because I wanted to attend the marriage,I wanted to meet my athai Saroja, in whose house I was going to stay for the next few days.The marriage was over and I stayed in my athai’s house for a couple of days more.My athai and I are great friends.There is only an age gap of five years between us.My childhood days were spent in a happy joint family with thatha,patti,athai,my parents my siblings.Till my father got a job of his choice in Chennai and we came to Chennai.Athai and I were like sisters. She was calm,quiet,very intelligent,and she was protective about me.She was my rolemodel and I always wanted to impress her.This desire to impress my athai with whatever I accomplished continued with me even after my marriage.Athai settled down in the village , since her husband also belonged to that place and continues to live there.
I observed athai continuously.She got up in the early morning,cleaned the front courtyard,sprinkled water evenly,swept that place and drew kolams.(The drawing of kolam would take anywhere between half an hour to one hour also depending on which day of the week it was and whether it was a festival day.Fridays and festival days saw her drawing kolam for almost an hour).Then she would come inside, make coffee for both of us.Next out she would be in the garen to pluck flowers for puja and some available vegetables for cooking.Next she would thoroughly clean the puja room.
In this manner she was busy till after lunch time.I felt that she was very slow in her work.In the evening also her routine work continued.​

I told her one day, “Saro(I called her by name only and Saroja became Saro for me),I think you should start doing meditation everyday”
“Oh dear ,I know only the railway station near my house ,dear! I don’t know any other station”said athai with a smile.Whether it was a mischievous smile, I have not been able to gauge even now.
I said,”Saro.you certainly know what meditation is all about.Why,your husband used to do meditation for an hour every day!”exclaimed I and continued,”You do meditation and see how your power of observation gets sharpened,your thinking becomes clear,your mind becomes peaceful….”I went on and on.I wanted to impress my athai as usual.Athai listened to me without any interruption.​

Once I finished my lecture,she told me,”I know all about the meditation that you people do ,my dear.I also do meditation you know,infact my whole day is a series of meditation for me, do you know that?”said athai seriously and continued,”Mythili,you would have observed.When I draw kolam on the front of the house,I do it with total concentration.I don’t do it mechanically.For me, that job is very sacred. I concentrate on the dots and connect them with devotion.At that time,my dear, I don’t allow myself to be distracted, I don’t talk to anyone unnecessarily when I draw kolam.
Similarly, when I clean the pujaroom and do puja, I do it with total concentration,no other thought is allowed to enter my mind.
In the same way,when I cook, I don’t do any other work in between like watching TY or chatting on the phone.No, I put my heart and soul in my cooking,you wont find too much salt,or too little salt or partially cooked vegetables in the items that I make.
So,mythili,to me meditation is concentrating on whatever work you are doing.Once you concentrate on your work you turn out perfectly cooked food,or perfectly cleaned house or an article written without any flaw.To me mythili, that is meditation and I don’t do anything to impress others,my joy is in doing things to my satisfaction”.
I sat there watching her with admiration.How nicely she has explained to me a feat, that was an ordeal for me ,but a way of life for her.
My athai rose in my esteem.
After spending a couple of days with her I left her house.When I returned home,my dear,my mind was clear.I felt as if somebody had removed cobwebs from there.I was calm,sober and happy.There was no urge in me to peep into the newspaper just to collect items of interest for my conversation with others in the coming parties.There was no desire in me to impress others.I knew that from then onwards whatever I did,whether it was cooking,cleaning or gardening ,that job was to be done with total concentration.That would become a way of life for me also ensuring mental peace and satisfaction.To me that would be meditation for the years to come.






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Re: I learnt meditation,dear and went to meet my athai in the village.

My dear raji,
Iam happy that you enjoyed the write up.Even today if I sit down somewhere, only to meditate, I find it difficult what with all types of interruptions.
When we give our entire being ,to the work that we do ,then that concentration is mightier than the fifteen minutes meditation.
love
mithila kannan

 

Re: I learnt meditation,dear and went to meet my athai in the village.

My dear mindian,
Iam happy you enjoyed reading the piece.Thanks for the lovely comment.
These parties are a big head ache,particularly the in house parties where you meet the same people again and again.During Diwali times we used to meet almost every day.What new topics would be there,tell me?But there are some people who are exceptionally good conversationalists.
love
mithila kannan

 

Re: I learnt meditation,dear and went to meet my athai in the village.

Dear sundari,
Thanks a lot.I also enjoyed writing it.
love
mithila kannan

 

Re: I learnt meditation,dear and went to meet my athai in the village.

Dear usha,
Iam happy you liked the article and thanks for the compliment.Oh,yes,clearing up the cubboards and throwing out the unwanted items is a major job.Did your son complete this task?
love
mithila kannan