People can think so differently.......

Mindian · Jun 16, 2008

Uma was my childhood friend but I did not have much contact with her after we settled down in different places after our respective marriages. It was very unfortunate that she suddenly lost her husband who was in his late thirties due to a fatal heart attack.. She had two sons of four and eight years .She herself had not done her graduation and was not working. I heard she shifted back to her parents home, her only source of income being the rent from the apartment that she and her dh had so lovingly bought with so many dreams. Her parents were not that well off and they had another girl ,uma's sister to be married yet and two college studying sons .I felt terribly upset at the news when I heard it from my mom. But I could do nothing except offer my condolences to her when I met her next.

Almost a year later Shankar who was one of my distant cousins lost his wife to cancer. His wife's name was also Uma and she had been very good looking and they had a lovely daughter of eight. who was just a replica of her mom. Shankar was in the gulf and had made a lot of money, had a huge house but which was now too lonely for him and his daughter. His parents wanted him to remarry and they started looking out for a bride for him.

Once when I happened to talk to my mother it suddenly dawned on me…how nice it would be no ma if Shankar now gets married to my friend Uma. Imagine …her future will be quite secure and he will have a mother for his daughter….they can be a nice affluent family with three kids….it sounded too good to me and I was in high spirits. .I urged my mother to talk to umas mom about the alliance. They were a conservative family and we expected certain reservations about remarriage for their daughter but I had told mom to be prepared for all that and that she should convince them that in this day and time remarriage is not a big deal and that they need have no worries about the prospective groom.

I was in no way prepared for the answer which her mother gave…she told my mom…I don’t think it will work…and it is so difficult to look after a girl child…My daughter will have to raise her, get her married ,attend to her delivery etc…all this for someone else's kid is just too much…

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement…how can people think so differently…I mean I expected her to take this alliance as godsent but my good intentions absolutely backfired on me…. …..Well, Umas loss was some other girls gain as my cousin is happily married once again…

uncannybal · Jun 16, 2008

Indeed it is not only men who treat women badly. It is women themselves who shoot themselves in the foot and perpetrate this nonsense about daughters being a headache, when they have such narrow mindsets. I can understand if the couple had met and did not like each other. But to not even meet for such a silly reason as the fact that his child was a girl and not a boy is sad. Indeed the joy of raising daughters will only be understood by those who have and appreciate them

Santosh

Prb · Jun 16, 2008

That's so bad- why cant people change?

I do feel many times mother's of young women end up making decisions that are not in the best interest of their daughters. When daughters are faced with serious issues with abusive husband/in-laws, they usually turn to their mother's for advice/ support. Many mothers advise them that they should "adjust/ compromise" as it is not socially acceptable for a woman to go against the family she's married into.

In the process they just emotinally force difficult decisions on the daughters. I really wish the daughters make some rational decisions that are best for themselves.

Prb.

brindhak · Jun 16, 2008

Dear Mindi,
The mother doesnt even think about the happinees and a secured life that her DD is going to get after marriage....She is spoiling her own daughter;s life.... Very sad dear... Drowning she didnt even discuss about this with her daughter..too bad..

Bhooma · Jun 16, 2008

So touching and so bad ..

didnt the mother for one moment think that her grand children too would be getting a loving father and a complete family?

Its sad .. sometimes one's own parents act as deterrents to your happiness

Anycase wish her all the best

Bhooma

aproop · Jun 16, 2008

Dear Mindi,

It is sad to note that ones own mother too can be an obstacle. Uma could have had a new life. yes she could have discussed first this with her daughter.
very sad!

love,
Anu

Devika Menon · Jun 16, 2008

Dear Mindi,

That was very thoughtful and loving of you to think of resettling Uma's life.
Sad it backfired. Shocking was the reason given!

Mindi I think there is nothing more pleasurable than having a daughter.I have a daughter and i think its absolute bliss.
Infact my sister has adopted a girl instead of a boy , We all feel performing a 'kanyadaan" is the greatest blessing.

I truly hope that Shankar finds a loving wife and an equally loving Mother for his daughter.

Love,
Devika

umasaras · Jun 16, 2008

hi mindi,
It is sad to hear that your friend's mother thought of a girl child like that since it is the girl who gives the emotional support to parents when they grow old. I surely wish this attitude changes in the future atleast.
uma

happywoman · Jun 16, 2008

HI,

Indeed felt sad to know that a woman can be in the way of a woman's life...that too your friend's mom herself.

You tried your best but God must definitely be having something better in store for both of them.

sharadha · Jun 16, 2008

Hi Mindi,

As my other friends said uma's mother should have discussed this with her daughter.

Did you try telling about this alliance to Uma? If not please tell her about her mother's decision, make her understand that she needs a life partner. If any alliance comes in future let Uma not miss the opportunity.