I Did It At Last!

For two years I had been postponing it… or rather avoiding it… but a few days back, I did it. I severed all my connections with my teaching past. You don’t believe me? I did it, I say… Well almost…let me tell you all about it.

When I was a teacher, I gave my profession my heart and soul… I would go to any lengths to ensure that I was prepared to face the kids. This might have been because of an unfortunate experience I had, on the first day of my teaching in St. Charles High School , Bhadravathi. In my nervousness, I ran through the lesson for the day like a dose of salts and in twenty minutes, finished all that I had to teach in 45 minutes. Then I sat there looking and feeling foolish….Not knowing what to do. When the bell rang, I rushed to the Principal’s room and verbally resigned. Sister Principal was more sensible than me… She told me to just take it easy and make up my mind about quitting after the weekend. Well….I thought….and thought… and I chose not to run away from fear!

After that I took pains to ensure that I had sufficient material… and cultivated the art of holding the students’ attention with some extra things related to the topic. Those were the days when I did not have the luxury of internet to bolster my search for information… Once I landed up in the Middle East and joined a CBSE school, I had to get access to the net ASAP as books were far too expensive…

In the next 7 years of my teaching career, I collected a lot of teaching material… books of reference and teacher’s handbooks etc etc… Had a set of grammar books and collections of essays and poems… Then there were downloaded material… Information on poets, writers and methodology… quotes, proverbs, figures of speech material for debates, recitation and elocution competitions that the school thrust on its English teachers! I had the magazines I had edited… copies of the newsletters I had been in charge of… endless copies of the pamphlets and other stuff I had done in addition to teaching.

Two years back, when I had quit teaching, these books got incarcerated in the huge cupboard in the living room. I used to occasionally take one or two, if any colleague or student needed some clarification. I was not sure whether I would take up teaching from where I had left off….but recently, the choice was made. I decided to quit teaching for ever. A joint decision made by me and my husband who does not have to play second fiddle to non- stop corrections of assignments and endless test papers! The next step was to get rid of all those books… Asked a couple of friends… No one was interested… besides, texts have changed and what I have are out- dated… Fine,
“ Into the skip with them!” I hollered, ‘Queen-in- Alice-in-wonderland-like’!
Yet, when I threw out half a dozen garbage bagsful of my stuff, all my regal hauteur vanished and my heart ached and a ‘lousy’ numbness pained my sense…

Deciding on what to throw away was a dilemma. All my teaching notes… records and reference material went in without a second glance… Some of the books were given to a neighbour who has school going kids… Years of question papers and copies of worksheets were discarded mercilessly. But what I just could not think of throwing away filled three bags… I could not bring myself to throw even a small folded piece of paper, torn from the rough book… with the words, “ Dear Vijaya Ma’am….Happy Teacher’s Day! I have a collection of 13 years of such stuff ( yeah… sentimental fool that I am, I had brought all such things given by my students during my stint in Bhadravathi…as well!) Each card or paper held a dear memory captured in it… memory of a student… of a child who was under my care… a child who thought I was someone great… It was not vanity that made me retain them… It was the sheer emotion that rushed through my blood when I read each of them that made me cling to them…
So, bearing that accusatory cum resigned look in RP’s eyes, I packed away some memories collected in the 7 years of my teaching life in the UAE, along with 6 years of those in Bhadravathi. I may go through them once in a year… when I spring clean.
Some amputations are painless… but some post surgical recovery takes time!

Sigh!… Did I hear someone say, “ Old teachers never die… they just do their home work!

hi vijaya,
you are true!!!teachers never die from the memory of students!they make a great impact in each and every child they teach!!!!school days have always been my best days in life!!!!school teachers take personal interest in the child's future just as a parent does unlike teachers in college!!!we do get emotionally attached to them!!!!!
regards
pavi

Very true Vijaya ma'am :) Two professions I think will make one very attached to and sentimental are teaching and medicine. I have been blessed to learn under some of the best teachers in the world and I will always remember them till the end. Their dedication, love and care have motivated me so much and made learning more fun and more of a relaisation than a mere process ! I still remember those teachers & profs who used to go to the temple to pray for us during the public / university exams. Selfless manifestation of divinity, they are ! Am so happy to know that we have one such amongst us in Indusladies too !

TM,

You are very right about certain surgeries taking long to heal. And on the same note certain bondings are very difficult to sever. could quite relate to your feelings.

It is not only a teacher, even students share the same feelings. my daughter has signatures, autographs of some of her teachers. (she has changed 7 schools) and treasures them.

A teacher is always going to be a teacher at heart.. I salute the teacher in you. BTW, you could always send all the books by cargo i would not mind having a well used book..which could be a gold mine for somebody....

Dear Verbose,

Nice one.The problem is the same with me.I have so many old letters, my school report card, and so many things, I want to throw but I cant.

But recently I did it.i threw away 90% and retained just 10% of memories.Actually what is precious to us, is useless to others.Sad, but that is the way it is.

Regards.kamal

Dear twinsmom (Vijaya),

Fantastic narration from a devoted teacher ! Wonderful and emotional. Yes, from the way you've described..it is clear that you've given your heart and soul to the profession. It shows the dedication and sincerity..hats off to you!

As for the memories..you can count me in Vijaya..because.. .even though I am not a teacher, I can surely empathize with you in not being to throw even a small piece of paper that has been addressed dearly to you ! Guilty as charged..I am also an emotional and sentimental fool ! Having attachments to inanimate objects/things..my hubby says it is weird !

True, you have done a lot of research work to keep your students on their toes, to give tests and assignments. So much of your effort has gone behind all this..and to discard them in a minute..no way !

When my children are assigned project works at school, I do help them a lot for the research and actually building and creating stuff..which later on becomes unbearable to trash them.

You are absolutely right..post surgical healing/recovery does take time (my, what a comparison ! ) !

Keep writing...

Cheers
Krithika

HI twismom,

I completely agree with your sentiments. I have been a teacher myself-- for some time as substitute, then ten years as a director of a tutoring center and a few years as a montessori teacher. Finally, I decided to call it quits last year, but have been busier at home. I had a huge filing cabinet full of materials from my tutoring center, slowly half of them have found their way to recycling , but still some are stored away.

Dear Twins Moms,

You are on & off to our site. Nevertheless, whenever you bounce back it is always full of sweet & treasured memories of yours. It not only gives a pleasure to you (in sharing it with us) but also gives a joy & happiness to the readers.

I absolutely agree with this line “Old teachers never die… they just do their home work'!' I am also a trained teacher & I too have a great passion towards teaching but I need to scarify my career (at least for temporarily) for the sake of my children's well being! I do the ‘homework’ to keep up my teaching spirit!

Dear Verbose
You said it so well... its also true in all professions as well. One thing I found difficult to dispose of were the costly books i had to buy to keep up .. luckily there are my local libraries to benefit.. kudos to a job well done!

Very well expressed emotion, TM....
Eventhough I am not a teacher...I do keep as a precious gift the letters from my grandparents, uncles and aunts, parents...Mother's Day note cards from the children all these years....lists continue...I do keep all the wedding invitations...

sriniketan