Homemakers and Working Women

Dear Friends,

Thank u for yr response to this blog of mine.Let me give a collective reply before I reply individually.


Blogs are places for discussions, where views may differ of the readers from the author.We all have the right o post our views,so don’t u worry, give yr views on this forum and blog.


Firstly let me tell u I have great respect fro homemakers, and working women too,for me both are equal.

I don’t like to create controversies,these are my views and others are free to disagree with me.

Ladies there are a few truths of life, which u or me cannot ignore, I talk of Indian women.However modern or educated u may become, u cant deny that

1) A woman can only give birth to a child, not a male
2) The wife moves to the husband’s home, changes all her 3 names,whether it is a rural or a urban lady.
3) Man has moer physical strength than a woman.That is why we have women playing women in sports, and men playing men in sports.
4) It is the mother who can take good care of children and family,than the male.
5) Todays jobs are not the typical 10 to 6 ones, where u work till u retire.You are given targets to work,be it men or women.Timings of work are erratic And as long as u meet targets, u are on the job, otherwise there is the pink slip.So u have to give time to the company.


We all plan our life so well.We do MBA’s,to get a good job,then search for the right job, right pay,why cant we then plan out our babies too.We cant do justice to our jobs and to our family,this is like having our legs in two boats at the same time.

Yes times are different than what it was 30 years back , I agree,but the above 5 points remain the same even today.Why, may I ask ?Why cant the modern ladies, make the husband shift to their houses, and change the husband’s 3 names.This is one question I would be interested to hear the answers from the ladies here on this forum.

If the husband is not earning well,it is the duty of the wife to chip in, agreed.Why do the ladies feel inferior when they don’t earn money.The husband dosnt tell them that they are worthless at home .Everyone has their role to play in life, the homemaker is as worthy as her husband.My wife has done a great job as a home maker all these years having raised my daughters well.And when need be, she has helped me in my business as well.I could concentrate on my work, when I knew my children were safe and sound in her care.

They rightly say, behind every successful man, there is a woman, and in married men it is their wives.


Women these days have that thing in their heads that they must be financially independent.Why ? Is not the husband’s money theirs too, just as the children belong to both equally.

And why do children take tuitions even in the 3^rd and 6^th stds ? Because the mothers are working, and they cant devote time to their children’s studies.The kids are smart otherwise, but with no one around, don’t study on their own, hence the tuitions.A homemaker can easily teach her children maths ,science,and other subjects which are easy for them, as she has the time for them.


In a job these days there is no such thing as quality time.You hve to give full time, or u get the boot.And u have to meet targets, go out of town for work too, u cant give the excuse u have kids and so cant.Work requires dedication, and time.

The same way being a homemaker also requires yr skills and time, besides love and affection.Making money, being financially independent, is taking more precedence than being a loving homemaker.


I have seen married ladies, coming to me to sell insurance policies,ULIP’s and other products, and they spend hours trying to convince me to buy those products.Ladies are good at their jobs, equal to any man, and more sincere at times.But at what cost?


If the husband is doing well,and can earn for the two of them,and loves his homemaker wife for all she does for the kids, then why does the wife want to work? Money is not the issue here.Maybe if the lady feels insecure , then she may think of earning and keeping some money aside,otherwise I see no reason for the feeling of insecurity to work.


Yes times have changed I agree, but some things have not changed at all, as per my 5 points listed about, and I guess will never change.

A few ladies do have the regret, that if I had to be a homemaker , all my studies went waste.Well is not an educated homemaker not better than an uneducated one ?Why would we want to depend on cretches, servants or inlaws to chip in to take of our children ?


If we have brought them in this world, it is our duty to take care of them.And if u say why not the husband sit at home, and do this, and I go and earn, well I don’t have the answer to that at all.


I read all the responses, and I feel each has the right to air their views, and there aer no hard feelings in blogs and forums.This is the best part of being here in Indus.


KAMAL

Originally Posted by lalitha shivaguru

Dear Kamalji,

Sorry to come into your space just to disagree with you.

I was a home maker for 12 yrs after my marriage. From past one year only I hve started to goto work. Aarushi's case is an exception. If you go by the genaralised theory then all fathers are murderers right? Even if the mother is at home, I can show cases of love between servants and the children or love between friends where they elope or have affairs. This is quite common. This cannot be blamed just because the parents are working.

If the mother is a home maker also these kids are tooo smart to avoid their mother's eyes. And parents cannot be behind their back 24 hrs. If the mother is also working, it is not just for career, it is something more. If the family is of a middle class one, with inflation crossing 8, do you think with a single person's earning, we can live comfortably. Sorry Kamalji please wake up..... it is not the question of women going to work which has raised questions after Aarushi's murder. The father having an extra maritial affair and the neglect of the parents and the stupidity of Aarushi and so called servant.

I just can't understand why only a women has to live the job? Is man not equally responsible? Here in this case her father is having a torrid affair which goes unnoticed and the mother being a doctor is getting so much of attention. It is totally an MCP world. I am sorry if I sound so harsh but I have undergone the travails of home maker and I will surely advocate all the ladies to be financially independant. Do you know one more thing, kids of so called working couples are more smart, more independant and can take their own decisions and they do get opportunities to horn their skills (because of the money inflow). May be to solve this problem the ladies can take a break when the child is born and resume their career once the child goes to full time school.

Here also the lady is making the sacrifice and the man is enjoying his booze, ciggie and girls. when will this world and these people change?

Dear Lalita,

Read ur reply with interest.You have yr points too.Kindly read my general reply posted a short while ago.

Thanks for yr great reply,regards.kamal

Originally Posted by sowmyapbhat

Dear Kamalji,

I too will have to disagree with you and agree with Lalitha here. As Lalitha says, bringing up a child is the responsibility of both parents. Even if the mother is at home with the child, there is no saying what the child will encounter when it tries to become a part of the big bad world outside.

I would like to share an experience I had when I visited Germany for a few months -

One of my German colleagues had a 2 month old baby. He would arrive very early to the office, around 6:00 a.m, work through lunch and leave by 3:00 p.m. The reason - to look after the child in the evenings when the mother leaves for her work shift.
I found this arrangement quite nice, that both are willing to be flexible and accomodating, not only for the child's sake, but also for the sake of their careers.

In India, the work culture is not so accomodating. But there are places where parents are given reasonable flexibility.

Moreover, I have to agree with Lalitha when she says that women don't work just because they want money, it is something more than that - fulfillment.

Many women are blessed with extraordinary intelligence and talent, and it is a shame to let that go to waste. Why, the likes of Marie Curie would have never seen the face of science, if they were to restrict themselves to domesticity.
As we all know, her daughter Irene Joliot did not turn out too bad either! She was also a Nobel laureate..

Hope I have not ruffled any feathers here, my apologies all the same!

Cheers,

Sowmya

Dear Sowmya,

Read yr reply with interest.No, no feathers ruffled.I have a pertty thick skin, and this is a forum to exchange views, i aprreciate that u too time off to reply so well.Thank u.

Regards.kamal

Originally Posted by corallux

Dear Kamalji,

Wow Kamalji, another controversial thread? Hope you do not plan to give up comedy.

Boarding schools are no answer for getting an obedient child. If a kid has to get spoilt, it will be spoilt anywhere.

Both the father & mother have equal responsibility towards the child. Those days are gone when rearing a child was the sole responsibility of the mother. Men now a days are more hands on fathers.

Kamalji, if the solution lies in telling ladies to sit at home after child birth to raise morally sound kids, then there would be no crimes etc before 1970s. That is when my mom's generation started to be career women.

Why is then that we had umpteen stories of Bigde Shehzade's where the mother is a homemaker & not a working one? No Kamalji please do not blame us working ladies. In fact kids of working couples are more responsible, independent & have leadership qualities.

Life has become very complicated. It is no longer possible to give the best to the kids with just one income what with the sky rocketing costs of essentials etc.

I have seen many Indian families in OZ where both the parents work & the kids still are a happy balance of Indo-Aussie culture. Oh yes, there are some houses where the personality of the child is crushed by a homemaker mom (no please Homemakers I am not pulling you down. My mom is a homemaker too) because they tend to be more protective.

IN fact Kamalji, here in Oz the would be fathers are told by the Gyneacs that their responsibility does not end with conception. That is why at every scan/meeting, they insist on having both the partners so that both can be told of developments.

Leaving kids at the mercy of domestic, yes that is no good. If you have someone you can trust, go ahead. All domestic helps are not bad. Or why not think of child care centres? They are better.
Kids in child care centres not only get to interact with their own age group but also develop excellent communication skills.


You can have kids & a family too if you strike a balance with your job & family. Yes, I agree there are some ladies who for personal reasons are married to their jobs. They do the right thing by not getting married. But society does not leave them alone. "Zaroor kuch gadbad hai" that is what the poor girl gets to hear every second of her life.

Unfortunately, Kamalji society tends to blame women for anything wrong in society.

Regards,

Corallux

Dear Corallux,

No i am not leaving comedy blogs, i have one lined up here.But i feel in my humour blogs, some people feel offended, so i am a bit hesitant to post them, though i am posting at the other site, and gettiong tremendous response.

I feel i should now submit my blogs before posting to the Indus moderators, so they can censor wha tthey want, and then if anyone takes objections, i will tell them to refer those to the moderators and not me.I dont need controversies or bad blood, my blogs do well without these things.

I read yr comments with interest.Life is not expensiove, we make it expensive really.

Even IIT comes free really.Did u not read in today's papers about the batch called SUPER 30 .A few profesors get underprivileged students and trains them for free for IIT, and this year all 30 of them got into the IIT ? And lodging,. boarding and food ws all free for the students.Can u beat this ??????

Read my general reply to everyone.And thanks Croallux for taking time out to air yr views.Many thanks for the same

Regards.kamal

Dear Kamalji ,


Though I've not shared my views so much in IL , I've read some of them whenever I had the time . I totally agree with you this time ( yes, there were times when I didn't agree also ) . But this is a nice one so I thought I must share my views here . In my case , though my husband was encouraging me to work b'cos he didn't want my education to get wasted . But I took up a decision that I would be there for the kids . I was in Dubai then and my husband was travelling so I felt I had to be there for the kids . I had the same thought " If I'm not going to give them my time , why did I have them ?" So I was giving home tuitions to 10th and 12th students and I was happy to be with my children . I don't have any regrets . Well, It's the responsibility of the husband too, I agree . But a mom is always different to a child and my kids are showing it every way which is very very special to me . My husband used to say " If u're earning as much I do , I wouldn't mind to be a househusband " . I agree with him totally . Then we moved to Doha . He took up a job where he need not travel . So I've started working as a full time teacher . But I come back home when the kids are back from school . Being with the kids when they're growing up is very very important . So One should be proud if they're a homemaker . It means a lot to others in the family, especially husband and kids .
It's just my opinion .

Rgrds,
Mallika

Originally Posted by mithila kannan

Dear dear Kamalji,
I cant agree with you more on this.
When a couple desire to have babies,they should give thought to this question,how are they going to bring up thier children.I too have seen a lot.Not all women can afford to sit at home,sometimes highly qualified ladies who will bw wasting their education when they are at home and not putting their education to use.
One thing is sure,come what may children should not be left at the care of servants.A responsible person like the husband's parent/parents or the wive's parents should be at home to supervise the running of the home,the children.Otherwise the working couple should forget their ego,their preferences and opt to live in a BIG joint family with uncles and aunts and cousins.To what extent this will solve the problem?I do not know.
I want ot share with you something that happened in our house 33 years back.I have two daughters.My husband was very particular that we would attend together only those gettogethers where we could take our kids along with us ,my maid used to come with us ,and sit in a place .
On a newyear evening,my husband himself said,"Let us go out ,and have dinner outside."One of our very close relative a young man was at home,my daughters were 4 and 2 years old.The relative boy said he would take care osf the kids till we came back.We both got ready,left the house,we would not have gone a furlong when my husband said,"Let us go back home"and we returned.I did not ask him why.Long after we came back,he said,:God has given us lovely children we have to be very careful in taking care of them."Thats all he said,but I understood.My respect for my husband increased manifold.

Think well before you opt to have children,when you opt to have children,be mebntally prepared to make some sacrifices in order to bring them up well and give them a sense of security more than luxury and grand style of living.
Well said,Kamalji
Regards
mithila kannan

Dear Mithia,

Thank u very much , we agree on a few things eh I will have a lot do discuss when i visit u in Chennai with my wife.

Thank u for yur kind words, and encouragment,and Sunkan too .Though everyone has the right to air their views,and i appreciate everyone who has contributed to the comments.

Regards.kamal

Originally Posted by sunkan

i totally agree with you kamalji,
the children are exposed in a different manner though but still are away from the danger of being physically abused by the servants, and up bringing can be influenced by the servant, and the child may take a liking to the person available at all times and will have a different view about the parent too,

but in boarding school they have a indifferent image about parents and if the parent is not attentive a child can loose interest in studies and never look forward to a holiday, but in the bracket of danger to its life and habits i think boarding is better, but there too exploitation cannot be ruled out, the best is to be home for a mother if she wants a child in the first place..sunkan

Dear Sunkan,

Well said, and thank you very much.Glad u think along my lines.Regards.kamal

Kamalji, I know quite a few career-oriented couples who prefer to be DINKS(Double Income No Kids).But I think it is premature to jump to any conclusion on the basis of the Arushi incident.. For all you know most of the scenario has probably been cooked up by the cops, particularly that Sardarji IG who probably wanted to steal the limelight from his juniors. Now he has bitten the dust on matters like Arushi having an affair with Hemraj.

Originally Posted by Balajee

Kamalji, I know quite a few career-oriented couples who prefer to be DINKS(Double Income No Kids).But I think it is premature to jump to any conclusion on the basis of the Arushi incident.. For all you know most of the scenario has probably been cooked up by the cops, particularly that Sardarji IG who probably wanted to steal the limelight from his juniors. Now he has bitten the dust on matters like Arushi having an affair with Hemraj.

Dear Mr.Balajee,

This has nothing much to do with the Arushi Case as such.These are my general feelings.

I have seen many DINKS like you have.Tow of my brothers , dont hafe kids,and they dont regret it.Fine.But if u have, then devote yr full time to them,and give them all yr time and affection.

Regards.kamal

Oooops Kamalji
Now a days ........from coolest side your blogs are going to the hotter side........
Hats off to you ..........you have got this out in such a beautiful way. I do agree with all you have written. I am a homemaker well educated, well to do family, but it is me who has choosed to be one. It is not that my DH doesn't want me to work or anything like that he had told me many a time in case you want to work you can. As I had worked with my dad who is a CA. But choosed to be homemaker and Happy and proud to be one. As my family can get me anytime they want me. It is not that I havn't worked from home I have when my son started going to school. For me more then money and work my family was more important to me so have choosed to be one.
All of us have freedom of putting in our own views. We have our own choice to make, so when we make I think we should not regret on it later..