Why do such things happen?

Today evening when I was watching the news channel,I saw this horrifying news that a girl who was awaiting her 10^th std cbsc results,jumped from the nth floor of a building and died.It was a very sad news,must have affected many others as well.How much this tragic incident would have affected the child’s family,particularly the parents.After seeing the news for a couple of minutes I put off the TV and my thoughts as usual wandered.
Why do such things happen?For the past few years ,just before the results come out or just after the results come out we invariably hear or see the news that some student or other committed suicde.
Why do such things occur.I want to share my thoughts with you.
In my student days,,I passed my school final in 1963-64,students were compararively relaxed.Mark sheets and marks did not affect the students and the parents and the teachers and school authorities as much as the marks obtained by the students affect them to day.In the old days,there was not that much competition in the career field,so many options also were not there.
Today things have changed.If a student wants to get into a good college after school final,he /she has to have not less than 90% some times even that pales into comparison with the marks obtained by the rank holders.So naturally the pressure is on the student.
There is pressure from the peer group,he /she competes with her batch mates,inorder to be in their circle, he or she has to get good marks.
There is pressure from the schools,the schools make it clear from the beginning of the academic year that they want very good results from their students,they have eyes only for star students who will get state ranks and enhance the presige of the school.Those students who are average in studies,in many schools, don’t get that much attention from the teachers.
There is pressure from the parents.The parents have dreams for their children.We were in Mumbai when my daughters were very small in KG classes.
I had some friends and relatives,we used to meet in the nearby club.watch movies,play Thambola etc during week ends.There was this mother of a girl who was in the tenth standard.She was a brilliant student,an alrounder more than anything else she was such a cheerful person.The mother had wanted to become a doctor. She had joined medical college also, studied for an year or so,but a very good alliance came for her,parents got her married .She had to discontinue her studies and her dream of becoming a doctor, remained a dream.This mother was very keen that her daughter atleast should do well in studies and become a doctor ,thereby her dream will be realized, through her daughter.The daughter brilliant that she was, had other ideas,she wanted to do Catering course,she had her dreams of starting her own eating centres and becoming a well known name in that field.You can imagine the tug of war in their house.The mother’s desire prevailed,daughter had to put in all her efforts for the entrance exam for medical college admission,,she failed miserably became a nervous wreck,had to go for psychiatric treatment.She came out of it and is happily married and has teenage kids is a different matter.
Parents sometimes in their anxiety to see their children come out in flying colours in their exams, there by assuring themselves of a bright future,put undue pressure on the children,which is very unfortunate.
There is pressure from the society,from relatives,”What is the percentage you got,only that much?which college will give you admission?” so on and so forth.
I feel sad for the students who enter into the tension filled area as soon as they finish their 9^th standard exams.
You can not blame anybody for the tension and anxiety filled times that everybody goes through,parents,teachers,school authorities etc.
My mind again goes back to 1986 if I remember right.My younger daughter was in Sharada mandhir school in Panjim,Goa.She was excellent in all subjects except Maths.In maths she used to sgore pathetic marks.I was very upset.I worried that school may detain her and not allow her to go to 10^th.One day I went to the school talked to the Principal,Mr.Dcosta,may God bless him,and told him,”Sir, I feel scared,will my daughter pass her 9^th?”.The Principal gave me a long stare,called for my daughter and told her in my presence,”My dear child,you are not scoring well in maths,no?”My daughter was in tears ,she nodded her head.He continued,”Don’t worry,concentrate on other subjects,prepare very well for other subjects and even if you don’t score well in maths does not matter”.My meeting with the Principal was over.A big load was off my mind,my daughter relaxed,she did very well in all her other subjects and in maths which was her achille’s heal she got reasonably good marks.I can never forget the wonderful Prinipal who gave the child courage to face the exams with a clear mind and told me indirectly,how I should treat my daughter in this aspect.
I want to share some thoughts with parents.Your position can be understood,you want to give your children an excellent platform to start their lives with.But please understand that t each child has his or her own limitations.A classmate of your child may be a rankholder,your child may be average in studies but with your encouragement the, child will and can grow into a fine person and more than that your child will certainly be a success in his or her life.
Iam not implying that even if your child is poor in studies just fold your hands and sit and pray,NO.By all means give him whaever help the child needs,be it tuition or getting some more books anything that you can afford.But please tell your child,”My son,I want you to study well,I want you to get good marks, then only you can get into good college.But ,please understand that even if you happen to get poor marks, still you will be my child,I am and will be always there for you,so do not worry about the results.”
Some time back I had a chat with a young mother whose kids are 4 years ols.We were talking about various issues and our talks turned in the direction of tuitions. This young mother said,”Iam not for sending children to some tuition classes at all.But in future, my kids should not feel that they are lacking in something, their parents are denying them something important which their friends are enjoying.So may be I will have to send them when the time comes for tuition classes also.But onething Iam sure, I will not put fear in the hearts of my children about exams and the marks that they should get.If a child of mine does not score well in exams or if he or she is not that bright in studies I will not panick.Thereare million opportunities for people to come up in life in honourable ways.My son or daughter who is not academically inclined,may become an entrepreneur and may give employment to many.”
I liked that spirit of that young mother,I hope she will continue to be the same in future also.
My intention in writing this piece is not to blame the parents,or criticize them unnecessarily or to give unwanted,unsolicited advice.Iam not implying that the tragedy that happened this evening had anything to do with the near and dear ones of the child.Iam talking about the expectations of the instituitions where kids study,the expectations of the freinds,the expectations of the society,the expectations of the parents in general and the prevailing tense atmosphere during and after examinations.Iam hurt by what I saw in the news this evening.Many people will react in different ways,my reaction is to share with you my thoughts .
My dear children,who have written the exams and awaiting results and my dear parents, I wish you all, all the best.All I want to tell you is one does not need only good marks to come up inlife,all that your child needs is courage to face life ,mental strength,a desire to work hard and dreams to achieve.Please help your child ahieve his or her dream,may God bless you all!

Dear Mithila Ma'm,

A very apt post. Every year we hear such tragic events during the board exams results announcement. But the apathy lies in the reservation system wherein even if you score 95%+, your admission to the college of your choice is not guaranteed.

Would agree with you on parents attitude towards marks and i guess that is the least we can do to our kids not putting pressure for score. But what about the children who are very smart and who aspire to secure admissions in the so called renowned colleges, but with reservation they start doubting their own capabilities.

This year I have my best friends daughter who has scored 96% in her 12th CBSE and is not confident on the college she wants.

Not sure if the direction we are heading is right.. though there are a lot of avenues to pursue apart from engineering and medicine.

anu

I couldn't resist myself from posting here.. my reasons ..

1. Children are put under tremendous pressure to fulfil what the parents could not achieve in their childhood. and what is that ( either a BE or MBBS)... I call them ignorant parents!!

2. Education - Has a name change - commercial business.- no longer a noble profession as it used to be. Dont be surprised if you see a board that reads " "EDUCATION FOR SALE"

3. Lack of Global awareness. Inspite of India being one of the IT Wiz country people do not have the courage to make or welcome changes.

4. Loss of lives..our future leaders, scientists, citizens


As Indians we have adpoted & adapted to the so called "Western Culture" in changing our lifesstyle but why did we leave out their system of education in the stream??..

I went through the same pressure 15 years ago and there is no welcomed change even when my daughter will be going to school ..

I personally feel educaiton in abroad is more fun, no pressure on parents or the kids A lot of avenues to grow..

With what level of confidence in the Indian system of education can I think about investing my child's education there.... with so much fear of losing life for education!..

Ps, understand.. I love my country but defenitely do not welcome the our education system..

WE NEED A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE!!..

-S

Dear Mithali Mam,

Nice post.I got remimded of my frnds mother,where she used to keep high expectation on her daughter.She used to beat her daughter a lot if sometimes she got less marks. My friend did not get an admission in to medical college ,so she bet her saying that she made her to prepare for the entrance in a good coaching centre with lots of money poured and she has wasted all her dreams and money.I can understand that the mother had done out of frustration,but that is not the way to teach the children.

Thankyou for a post where every mom n dad should think that studys are not the whole n soul of life but enlighten their kids interests.

Hugs,
dg.

Very sad :(

I guess shanvy opened a similar thread sometime back..

dont want to rewrite my post.. So..

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/sc...ard-exams.html

Dear M.Mythili
Very sad situation... The more I think of it I think its the reality of today.. Maybe it might help if Parents dont put as much pressure on children.. And also open other areas and options for the kids. Saying you have to become a doctor only is very restrictive and makes it difficult for children.. Soceity has to change and more parents should lead the front in this..

dear mythili
this is not only restricted to school and colleges but also in life, we find this news very common in bangalore always someone has killed the other for a petty reason, life is coming up with too high an ambition and when that is not met the result is this, they neither verify whether the girl is interested or not, they just die, one never solves by dying. like in a case a lady wanted to commit suicide to teach her husband a lesson, but then when she dies she only clears it for him to do something similar and in a better manner, dont know whom to blame may be the present generation..sunkan

My dear sundari,
Having an ambition in life is very good.One has to be a dreamer and work towards realising that dream.If Dhirubai Ambani had not dreamed,Reliance the giant among industries wont be here, lighting lamps of happiness in the homes of millions.One has to understand that in realising one's dreams many hurdles have to be crossed and that failures form the basis for success.The schools,the teachers the parents have to instill this fact in the minds of children.
The society which accolades only the winners bt the marks they get in the exams,thats what I discussed in the thread,the schools and authorities,the near and dear ones the parents have to understand the plight of the students and create a healthy atmosphere for the students to study,write exams wthout the fear of getting marks and be happy.
So much can be said on this aspect,sundari.
love
mithila kannan

Dear anandchitra,
I can't agree with you more on this.I appreciate your FB. Thank you,
God bless you
mithila kannan

Dear nandshyam,
Yes.I read that thread after I saw your mail.
Yesterday evening when I saw the news item my heart broke.Iam a mother,a grand mother I can understand the pain the family must be going through.Hence I badly wanted to talk to you about this and share my views with you.
Thank you for the FB my friend,God bless you.
love
mithila kannan