Uncle Me No Uncle

One of the most misused English words in India is “Uncle”. Some would even say Uncle (pronounced often as uncal, unkel and according to unsubstantiated claims even as ankle) is THE most misused word in English language for over the years. it has broken free from the kinship it is supposed to denote and is running amok.

Originally, only the offspring of your friends or relations addressed you as uncle Many prefer to be called uncle only by minor children of kin and pals and opt to be the bhaiyya- brother- of older kids. A friend of mine in fact complained that being called “uncle” by anyone older than five made him feel like an eighty year old though he was just forty.

This pal of mine suffers from an ailment which no psychiatrist has so far bothered to diagnose-unclephobia, or fear of being addressed as uncle. This should not be misconstrued as fear of visits by unwanted uncles, who show no inclination to will their property to you and leave for the Happy Other World to meet their dear departed uncles.. My unclephobic friend welcomes visits by uncles, because, he says, it makes him feel like a nephew, or a lot younger than his actual years.

But even people a lot saner than my friend blanch when the U-word is hurled at them, not only because the pretty young things they have been ogling at make them crumble into dust with a “Hi uncle”. Shakespeare’s Duke of York in King Richard II probably belonged to this category. He quipped “Uncle me no uncle” when his adult nephew addressed him as uncle. (Yes, it is Uncle me no uncle and not Uncle?. Me no uncle!!!!. Devotees of Fowler’s English Usage may protest that only non-whites in comic books who addressed their fellow beings as Bwana or Effendi would have used such expressions both of which are incorrect, but well, I suppose it is too late to complain to Shakespeare).

Forget the Bard of Avon and let us return to 21^st century. India, which badly needs a draconian law to curb the criminal misuse of the U-word. Say, how about 10 years in prison with at least half of each day devoted to copying down the meanings of “ Uncle” found in the dictionary?

Do I sound too angry? Well, what can you expect when “Uncle” has become a widely-(mis)used substitute for “Sir” and “Mr. So-and-so”? How would you react when the people of your own age address you as uncle?

Take the case of this guy I ran into few days ago in my apartment complex. He looked as if he was on a vacation from an old age home.. “Uncle., where is flat number 141” he asked as soon as he saw me. “Go straight and turn left, aunty” I quipped partly in amusement and half in anger.

“ Bechara, paagal ya andha hai. Mujhe aunty kehta hai”(Poor chap..He is either crazy or blind, He is calling me aunty) he muttered and went away.

And there was this pizzawallah .who tried to rope me in as a customer for his restaurant with a phone call.(The way he wooed me , he might have been bribed by a rival pizza delivery chain to ruin the place where he worked).

“Unkel, you like pijja?” he asked as soon as I took his call.

“It is pizza and I am not your uncle” I responded angrily.

“You’re right unkel, it is pijja, not pijja” I banged down the receiver. God knows how many customers he had lost for his chain with his misuse of uncle and mispronunciation of pijja, sorry, pizza.

But the unkindest cut of them all came when I was spending a month at our vacation home in Tamil Nadu. A lady in the neighbourhood , had the habit of making my wife squirm in her seat by addressing her as “anti” (what she meant was aunty). though she was much older than both of us.. For long, I was lucky to be ignored by her.

But earlier this year, my jinx caught up with me. This time I had gone alone on vacation and as I was sitting in the portico one day, reading a book, the lady’s head popped up behind the gate.

“ Is anti there?” she asked me.

“Anti? We are all pro here” I said making a go at a silly joke.

“What did you say…..UNCLE?”

Visions of being hauled up before a court for throttling an innocent,unsuspecting woman flashed in my mind. I gave up the homicidal idea because of the sheer impossibility of executing it. You see the woman’s neck was half the size of a banyan tree’s trunk. It was not for nothing that we had nicknamed her Badagala (big neck)..

Dear Uncle Balaji,


Your nephew Kamal ka pranam.How are u Inkle.HAHA


That was one superb peice .the same problem is with me.They call me uncle.Even ladies in their forties will call me Uncle.Sad.That is when i know, i must not use my charm on them, as for them i am a fatherkly figure now.Superb peice.REgards,Uncle.Kamal

Balaji,


I can understand your sheer frustration. Especially when people go to such lengths to be discreet about it (check out the sales of the hair dyes, The Godrej variety).
Its not just humiliting for the victims but all for the near and dear ones as shown in an ad where the teacher addresses the father of a student as 'Uncle' and is least intersted in him until the time that he looks really young "dyed young ' .
This phobia is not merely experienced by Uncles , Balaji, the same goes for Aunties as well as seen in the popular Hum Paanch series, "Aunty math kaho na".
A very hilarious piece.

Devika.

Originally Posted by Balajee

One of the most misused English words in India is “Uncle”. Some would even say Uncle (pronounced often as uncal, unkel and according to unsubstantiated claims even as ankle) is THE most misused word in English language for over the years. it has broken free from the kinship it is supposed to denote and is running amok.

Originally, only the offspring of your friends or relations addressed you as uncle Many prefer to be called uncle only by minor children of kin and pals and opt to be the bhaiyya- brother- of older kids. A friend of mine in fact complained that being called “uncle” by anyone older than five made him feel like an eighty year old though he was just forty.

This pal of mine suffers from an ailment which no psychiatrist has so far bothered to diagnose-unclephobia, or fear of being addressed as uncle. This should not be misconstrued as fear of visits by unwanted uncles, who show no inclination to will their property to you and leave for the Happy Other World to meet their dear departed uncles.. My unclephobic friend welcomes visits by uncles, because, he says, it makes him feel like a nephew, or a lot younger than his actual years.

But even people a lot saner than my friend blanch when the U-word is hurled at them, not only because the pretty young things they have been ogling at make them crumble into dust with a “Hi uncle”. Shakespeare’s Duke of York in King Richard II probably belonged to this category. He quipped “Uncle me no uncle” when his adult nephew addressed him as uncle. (Yes, it is Uncle me no uncle and not Uncle?. Me no uncle!!!!. Devotees of Fowler’s English Usage may protest that only non-whites in comic books who addressed their fellow beings as Bwana or Effendi would have used such expressions both of which are incorrect, but well, I suppose it is too late to complain to Shakespeare).

Forget the Bard of Avon and let us return to 21^st century. India, which badly needs a draconian law to curb the criminal misuse of the U-word. Say, how about 10 years in prison with at least half of each day devoted to copying down the meanings of “ Uncle” found in the dictionary?

Do I sound too angry? Well, what can you expect when “Uncle” has become a widely-(mis)used substitute for “Sir” and “Mr. So-and-so”? How would you react when the people of your own age address you as uncle?

Take the case of this guy I ran into few days ago in my apartment complex. He looked as if he was on a vacation from an old age home.. “Uncle., where is flat number 141” he asked as soon as he saw me. “Go straight and turn left, aunty” I quipped partly in amusement and half in anger.

“ Bechara, paagal ya andha hai. Mujhe aunty kehta hai”(Poor chap..He is either crazy or blind, He is calling me aunty) he muttered and went away.

And there was this pizzawallah .who tried to rope me in as a customer for his restaurant with a phone call.(The way he wooed me , he might have been bribed by a rival pizza delivery chain to ruin the place where he worked).

“Unkel, you like pijja?” he asked as soon as I took his call.

“It is pizza and I am not your uncle” I responded angrily.

“You’re right unkel, it is pijja, not pijja” I banged down the receiver. God knows how many customers he had lost for his chain with his misuse of uncle and mispronunciation of pijja, sorry, pizza.

But the unkindest cut of them all came when I was spending a month at our vacation home in Tamil Nadu. A lady in the neighbourhood , had the habit of making my wife squirm in her seat by addressing her as “anti” (what she meant was aunty). though she was much older than both of us.. For long, I was lucky to be ignored by her.

But earlier this year, my jinx caught up with me. This time I had gone alone on vacation and as I was sitting in the portico one day, reading a book, the lady’s head popped up behind the gate.

“ Is anti there?” she asked me.

“Anti? We are all pro here” I said making a go at a silly joke.

“What did you say…..UNCLE?”

Visions of being hauled up before a court for throttling an innocent,unsuspecting woman flashed in my mind. I gave up the homicidal idea because of the sheer impossibility of executing it. You see the woman’s neck was half the size of a banyan tree’s trunk. It was not for nothing that we had nicknamed her Badagala (big neck)..

dear balajee,
in south india all are maama or maami, there is no age difference and it comes under all category that you have mentioned here, poor fellow my sis son is only 17 and has salt and pepper hair and we are worried good girls are going to address him as uncle and it looks like he has raised a defence by saying i am not going to marry any one, now what can be said for that, life goes on yes, it's furious reaction that catch up, but it is any day better than being called patti for grey hairs and like how mr sri say hey perisu, poya saavugraki..there are many thing that can follow in chennai..sunkan

This post made my day .............. still can't stop laughing ........... .
Good one Mr.Balajee, or should I say, Balajee Uncle ... .haa ha haaa.....

Regards,
Grace.

Another hilarious piece, Balajee! Well written!

I have often wondered how this Uncle and Aunty references came into India. It was surely not one of those practices that we copied from the British. They do not refer to their neighbours, the neighbourhood shopkeepers, the milkman etc as Uncle.

We Indians seem to understand the concept of "Vasudaiva Kutumbakam" very well. The milkman is called as Doodhwala Uncle, the shopkeeper is called Dukhanwaala Uncle. Down South, in Tamil country, every older person is called as a Maama or Maami. Once a person gets married he becomes an Uncle in India. I would prefer people addressing an older person as Mr. X or Mrs Y. But that does not seem to go down well.

Dear Balajee,

another hilarious post. In the west here, it is another extreme. Even small children call everyone by name. If being called uncle or aunt is unnerving, I cringe at this too. Addressing as Mr. or Mrs is fine . There is a young friend of mine who has come here recently, she takes it one step further by saying " John mama came, Sally aunty called" etc. When will this uncle/aunty calling stop?

Very funny one Balajee Incle ..hehe sorry just kidding
The same holds good for being called Aunty too.. I am at an age where I am fine being called aunty by youngsters but not older folk meaning people just a few years younger than me.. so I tell them call me Patti meaning Grandma.. haha!

Balajee

That was wonderful... made me forget all those nitty gritty issues at work.. and here I am- laughing my guts off ..

I had a problem earlier ... in a country like Muscat where having a dog wasnt a very 'in' thing to do .... i was referred to as "dog aunty"!!

but atleast in Chennai .. it is better... I am either Joshuas mom or Andy .....or "aandy"!!!!!

cheers

Bhooma

Dear uncle Kamalji, ladies in their 40s probably call you uncle because as you once admitted you look 70.