Waited for that day and it has arrived...

Friends,
I hope that this topic has made you think about....what is this all about..is it related to any good news regarding the marriage or anything to do with that...or about an offer in a well reputed firm, or related to any admission in the college or something like that...
Well go ahead and read and let me know....

Yesterday I was on my way with my daughter from the tennis class....we had some conversation as usual and my daughter asked me a question.....what if I had a boy-friend? ( aren't you surprised??) well I am not...because she is always against the arranged marriages and also learnt from my experience at home...she is very strong in this matter regardless of pinpointing all the advantages and disadvantages..of both the marriages...did you get the reason for my reaction....

Furthermore she asked me "do you people disown me if I do that...that's what my friends told me...I don't want to be like that, I love my family....but if any such thing occurs....i don't know but stay away which will be difficult for me...I am telling you this because I have faith in you than my dad...and what do you say in this matter?"

I didn't answer her immediately.....You should note one point...don't think of me as against 'love marriages'....the delay for my answering is....I am wondering whether this has to be related to the teenage phase...or the surroundings here...(her friend has a BF) or mere infatuation which develops at this age? When this question propped up before, I told her to concentrate on her studies...and we will talk about this later...now she is like getting permission from me for having a BF...

I had already made up my mind regarding this...if that person is good enough ( as you all understand what I am talking about) then there is no need to be against it...but as for my DH he is very conservative and I don't know how to open this up to him because recently he had a by-pass...and a very sensitive person too...

(Note down one point...she didn't have any BF till now...or do I think like that )
That day has arrived isn't it....

sriniketan

Hahaha..Kids are growing up way too fast, isn't it? n your daughter is too smart n straight forward. It is true that daughters are very open, more comfortable with mom than dad.

Dear Sri,

Dicey question.

I too am very conservative.The first daughter we got her arranged marriage and she is happy.The second, well it is her choice thought we wish it is arranged, but u never know in life.

when we go for arranged marriages in our family, we do deep enquiries everywhere, about the boy, family etc.The status hould match, the boy should be earning well, and keep oour daughter happy, and the parents must be decent people.

I fear in love marriages the boy or girl just sees the other, without bothering to see the inlaws, and that they will have to have interaction sometimes with the inlaws.

But times are changing what to do.Que Sara Sara, whatever will be , will be, the future's not ours to see, so goes the famous song by Doris Day.Amen.

Regards.kamal

hi Sri....

we may take it lightly right now but this is something delicate and to be handled carefully. I saw one picture of you and your daughter in IL i guess she is too young. I think this is just due to other friends and age factor too. I can understand the day has arrived as you had little idea it may happen. I think you need to be too friendly with your daughter now, i must say your daughter is really an honest person and caring too. She could have hidden it but she asked you. But i think Indian girls are too sensitive in except few. Take care.

Dear Bhargavi
very nice topic.. Already son has asked me this.. in our family we are fine with the choice he will make.. also helps because all his cousins are getting married now and none is arranged..

Dear Kamal
your reply as always excellent.. Que sara sara.. I have written a blog on arranged marraige and here is a link if you find time.. the comments are very good to read..
Horoscopes, Astrology and Arranged Marraiges - IndusLadies

Originally Posted by Sriniketan

Friends,
I hope that this topic has made you think about....what is this all about..is it related to any good news regarding the marriage or anything to do with that...or about an offer in a well reputed firm, or related to any admission in the college or something like that...
Well go ahead and read and let me know....

Yesterday I was on my way with my daughter from the tennis class....we had some conversation as usual and my daughter asked me a question.....what if I had a boy-friend? ( aren't you surprised??) well I am not...because she is always against the arranged marriages and also learnt from my experience at home...she is very strong in this matter regardless of pinpointing all the advantages and disadvantages..of both the marriages...did you get the reason for my reaction....

Furthermore she asked me "do you people disown me if I do that...that's what my friends told me...I don't want to be like that, I love my family....but if any such thing occurs....i don't know but stay away which will be difficult for me...I am telling you this because I have faith in you than my dad...and what do you say in this matter?"

I didn't answer her immediately.....You should note one point...don't think of me as against 'love marriages'....the delay for my answering is....I am wondering whether this has to be related to the teenage phase...or the surroundings here...(her friend has a BF) or mere infatuation which develops at this age? When this question propped up before, I told her to concentrate on her studies...and we will talk about this later...now she is like getting permission from me for having a BF...

I had already made up my mind regarding this...if that person is good enough ( as you all understand what I am talking about) then there is no need to be against it...but as for my DH he is very conservative and I don't know how to open this up to him because recently he had a by-pass...and a very sensitive person too...

(Note down one point...she didn't have any BF till now...or do I think like that )
That day has arrived isn't it....

sriniketan

welcome aboard srini,
yes they are in infatuation and even a road cleaner will look manmadan at this age, now is the time to put questions to her, as to what is the education and what are his plus point and how does he plan to take care of you after all you are in luxury now, so have u thought about all that. I have immense confidence in you, and i would like point out one thing whatever you do you are going face it, i as a mom will not be there on the scene so all descisions are yours, and another thing your heart is yours, but once you love and any damage happens to it like depression or anything much serious than the condition i anticipate i would not be able to help you, any amount of me pacifying is not going to help where u hurt much, so whenever u look or select a guy tap your heart and say not to worry i wont damage u and will be aware about how safe to keep you, i love my heart more than any situation in the world...

this is in no way to frighten but enlightenment because we cannot take that hurt out, and infatuation is wonderful, i always say to my daughters when they were in their teens, i know you people are beautiful and good in many ways as a personality so there is nothing new if another guy tells u so, tell me what he admired in you and i would help you to see where u acquired it from, no i am not being snobbish but am a friend of yours and would appreciate my chip of the block to be equally having good reasoning and save oneself, that does not mean u dont love, do love experience it but do not go over board that he is the beginning and end of it, i might sound not right here but it does help to give a little freedom to them too....sunkan

Hi Srineketan
I have gone through this, this is one of teen age fantasy I feel. They look at the surrounding and when they notice that all the other friends have BF or GF so they to feel should have one. This happened to my son when in Australia. He asked me the same question. What if I have a girlfriend??........I just told him I have no problem but see to that you are truthful to her and never hurt a female. And the more important is are you ready to have a GF you need to make a decision on your own and both of us do not have any problem about it. Ya have seen many girls going around him he just speaks to them as classmate and even today he is contact with them but nothing serious about it. These things pop up in mind at this age it is to be handled delicately and cleverly that's all. Once she realises it she will overcome it so don't worry Sri everything will be fine.
Only keep a friendly watch on them and speak to them as a friend all will be fine.

Meena,
See who is giving the first fb for this one...
Kids grow up fast, which reminds us of our age or duties ..isn't it...
Daughters are open to moms because she is the one who deals with them all day and night too in some cases...but there is something that goes....daughters are attached to their dad and sons to their mom....

Kamalji,
True we go for arranged marriages, deep in our heart and I accept that future is not in our hands...too...acceptable...

AC,
see that's what is affecting them, I think, so what's wrong...when they see people around in the same manner, they think it is correct...don't think i am against it as i said before...just my 2 cents regarding their thoughts...

Sunkan,
Thanks for the lovely advice you had given me regarding this and how to tackle..thanks a lot...

Thanks Aruna for your friendly advice...sure to follow...it is a fantasy after all at this age, is my opinion too...

sriniketan

Dear sriniketan,
Yes,my dear friend.The day has arrived.But your daughter comes across as a sensile girl,Iam sure she will also weigh the pros and cons of any issue that she has to handle and will take the right decision.
Your husband may be an orthodox person.But he is a father,my dear and father's are always attached to their daughters.So when the time comes definitely he will give the ok.

I want to tell you aThere were a boy and girl who were very much in love.They thought definitely the families wont give a nod to their marriage and they decided to elope.The boy came to the girl's house in the middle of the night as they had planned before and kept the ladder down below the girl's bedroom so that she could come down.
"Hurry dear,be fast" exclaimed the boy.The girl said,"Sh....,dont make noise,my father will wake up,and once he wakes up he wont be able to go to sleep,poor thing"she said.
"Dont worry,your father is only holding the ladder for you tpo get down "said the boy>
How is that?
How do you like mithila and kannan on kannan's 70th birthday celebrations?
love
mithila

love
mithila kannan