Going abroad, leaving ur house to somebody...?

3 Months back,... myself and my husband had to go abroad on a short term,... since it was an unplanned one,... we had so many problems like- settling all the bills for the next 3 or 4 months, maintenance of vehicle, house etc... we are residing in a rental house.. So, we had to convince the owner who worried about the house locked for months...

Even then,... managed all somehow,... we flew off... Oneday, my younger sister called me who came to India for vacation,... she asked me straightly for the house during the stay... Always,..soft by nature,..I couldn't say 'no'.... bcoz,..both me and my husband are very sensitive about others using our things when we r not there....Moreover, becoz of my sister's nature and activities, I prefer to stay away from her always..-especially, after my marriage...

After that,..when we talked to our parents,... my mom told she will take care of everything on behalf of us becoz,...if I don't agree,.. and if she hires a house anywhere else,..my mom should go there to accompany her...but, my parent's house is near mine... they had a lots of work to do staying nearby their house...so, we agreed...

But, after we returned,...I was shocked to find everything in our house was upside down.... all the things were replaced like anything,.. all my and my husbands' clothes, books, important documents like Bank passbook/cheques were all stuffed under the shelves and cots like carbages....
Uncleaned bathrooms, poorly maintained kitchen and equipments, uncleaned dining
table with edges broken...etc...made me sad...

I didn't even bother when she never thanked me but replied me that she maintained my house clean more than me-becoz I know about her nature ... but I had one more shock when my parents took it seriously as if we found mistakes with them... and supported her blindly ... the highlight is the good relationship between me and my parents is spoiled becoz of this incident...though there were never any problems / misunderstandings so far ,...though we reside nearby...

Now my parents don't even call me... though just few days back I had a miscarriage and am in very bad health condition... I can't get my mother's help...

I had learnt 3 lessons from this incident:
lesson # 1:-

Never ever allow people to occupy your house and use ur things when u r not there... though they r very close to u.... ( I know, there r people who r very good and kind enough to take care .... I don't generalise... but it's better to be cautious than to brood over that afterwards like me...)

Lesson # 2:-

Never be so soft and tender hearted all the time... think for urself too sometime...

Lesson # 3:-

Never be dependent on others or expect help ..though they r of very close circle .... if u feel being ignored at some point, take it easily and try to live within ur limits happily...don't brood over things/ love u don't get....

Anyway,...this is my experience,... I don't know, whether u've got any lessons from it... just sharing..

thanks,...
-Thejaswi

Uh Thejaswi, sorry for your bad experiences! Sometimes it is the people, you woudn't even expect, cause you pain. Sorry for your miscarraige. Take care of yourself and don't think too much about all these.All your wounds will heal with time and everything will be alright.

Dear Thejaswi
I felt very bad reading about the bad experience. How can people be like that ! And it is horrible that parents also not understanding you. Very sorry for you.
There is no use being soft, even with close relatives. We have to know to say No . That will be only one minute unpleasantness. it is better than the mess afterwards.
i wish you good health and recover from miscarriage and sadness.

Originally Posted by Venonimiss

Uh Thejaswi, sorry for your bad experiences! Sometimes it is the people, you woudn't even expect, cause you pain. Sorry for your miscarraige. Take care of yourself and don't think too much about all these.All your wounds will heal with time and everything will be alright.

Dear venonimiss,....

Thanks for ur response... Actually I'm trying to learn from my mistakes rather than from my pains... but, I sometimes use this forum to make others also cautious, learning from my mistakes.... though it's small...
thanks,
Thejaswi.

Yeah, you are right Thejasvi,

we have to learn to say 'no' to certain things, in certain situations and to certain persons, at least at some of the times!I also know of somebody, who allowed her daughter's friend, to stay at her place, while on a short visit.when she went abroad for a few months.It was a mess, when she came back, added to that, she found to her shock, that a silver lamp used at the puja mandap had been missing.She could not bring herself to mention it to her daughter even, not wanting to spoil the relationship.It is sad that actions with good intentions also turn sour for the good samaritan.

Originally Posted by swarnalata.N.S.

Dear Thejaswi
I felt very bad reading about the bad experience. How can people be like that ! And it is horrible that parents also not understanding you. Very sorry for you.
There is no use being soft, even with close relatives. We have to know to say No . That will be only one minute unpleasantness. it is better than the mess afterwards.
i wish you good health and recover from miscarriage and sadness.

Dear Swarna,

People like u will be surprised to see a girl behaves like this with the sister... but, I used to bear with such things from my childhood...
one more thing I want to say,... if 2 sibilings have fightings between them,... no matter how small kids they r..., but we should try to ask them softly about that afterwards, and try to solve it peacefully... this never happened in my home...

when i was small,... my younger sister (yes,...2 yrs younger than me...) used to dominate me in all things... as a very soft and of frightening nature, I never complained about that to any... rather,..it was suppressed in my mind deeply until i got married...
till now, my parents don't try to understand my feelings ... so I just stay away from her... now, there's no relationship between us...

this, may be, very difficult to u all to believe,..but, that's true...

till, now, she never changed,..but gets worst of it...may be becoz, my parents and relatives never felt that she's growing as an adament, arrogant girl,...and never tried to correct that...
though nowadays, it's a rare scene - to see more than 1 kid in a family... I just wanted to tell the parents about this which we think as a small thing and ignore...!!

thanks for ur response,...

love,
Thejaswi.

hi
i really agree with all your words . u r 100% correct. i also had the same experience just like u .we can never depend on our relatives even though very close ,even own sisters. better i feel r our friends or at least neighbours. also never depend on any one when we need help .it is better to adjust our selves. so i m with u in all your words .byeeee

Originally Posted by kaluputti

Yeah, you are right Thejasvi,

we have to learn to say 'no' to certain things, in certain situations and to certain persons, at least at some of the times!I also know of somebody, who allowed her daughter's friend, to stay at her place, while on a short visit.when she went abroad for a few months.It was a mess, when she came back, added to that, she found to her shock, that a silver lamp used at the puja mandap had been missing.She could not bring herself to mention it to her daughter even, not wanting to spoil the relationship.It is sad that actions with good intentions also turn sour for the good samaritan.

Ofcourse, u r 100% right...Kaluputti...!
we should know to say 'No' for some things at sometimes... but, I didn't. what to do... people like me always learn from their own mistakes only...
that's y I share everything - both good and bad with ILites,...so that atleast few no.of people will be cautious and learn something from our mistakes...
thanks for ur response...
hope the poor lady u mentioned has learnt a lesson like me now, and keep her house locked nowadays,....!!!!
love,
thejaswi.

Originally Posted by sudhasrk

hi
i really agree with all your words . u r 100% correct. i also had the same experience just like u .we can never depend on our relatives even though very close ,even own sisters. better i feel r our friends or at least neighbours. also never depend on any one when we need help .it is better to adjust our selves. so i m with u in all your words .byeeee

Hi sudha,..

thanks for ur response and support...
happy that u r very clear with ur ideas than me...

love,
Thejaswi.

Dear Thejaswi
I felt very bad reading about the bad experience. we can never depend on our relatives.......
take care of your health .........