Unsigned MOU between my mother and mother in law

Unsigned MOU between my mother and Mother in law

Have you ever heard of this before, MOU signed or unsigned between sambandhis? First I have to explain the conditions which initiated the MOU.
The first unsigned oral MOU was voluntarily proposed by my mil. In the early sixties (1960) South Indian parents were not willing to give off their daughters in marriage to boys who were employed in North India. The middle class people felt that they could not afford the train fare to go and see the girl whenever they wanted. Further the journey was tedious to far off places. Hence it was difficult to get a girl.
My mil assured my mother that if the marriage was settled, she would see to it that I was sent home every year to see my parents. Before I go further, I would like to get you aquainted with the customs which were followed by Vashnavites in those days.
The present younger generation of Srivaishnava sect may not be aware of the hard and fast rules which existed long back. Before marriage both the bride and grooms relatives will not eat anything at each others house. “KalyaNaththiRku mun kai naikkamaattom” they used to say.
Nowadays both the bride and groom’s party stay in the same kalyana mandapam.When my elder sisters got married the system was very different. The groom’s party used to say in a separate place. The cooks will cook lunch, dinner every thing separately for the grooms relatives. On the day of marriage the groom, and his close male relatives will have lunch at the bride’s place. All the women will have lunch, dinner and all at groom’s place only. The gruhapravesam function used to be at the groom’s place and only men from bride’s side will have dinner.
There was a time when Vaishnavite ladies will eat only at their relative’s house. They will not drink even water at other vaishnavite’s house. If they had to drink, they will tell to add a little buttermilk to water and then they will have it. Later on some liberalization was made. If a male cook was arranged, then ladies agreed to eat. But they will not have appalam, vathal, vadam etc made by female members of the house.
Now I’ll come to the subject matter. Even after marriage also the men folk will eat at each other’s house. But the ladies will not eat. Hence if mil visited dil’s parent’s house, the daughter in law has to cook and serve for mil. If the girl’s mother has to visit the girl’s in law’s house the girl has to cook and serve for her mother. Luckily as my parents and my mil lived in the same city I was saved from cooking for my mil as well as my mother. But when my valaikappu was performed at my mother’s place, my mil’s three sisters attended the function. My mother had requested me to make at least 25/30 appalams for them. As an obedient daughter, I made appalams for my in laws people and it was very much appreciated by them.
Then after delivery my mother had to come to drop me and her grand child at my in law’s house at a far off place. How can a mother put her daughter to hardship by telling her to cook her after a long and tedious journey? So my mother and my mother in law came to terms with a verbal MOU that they both would eat at each others house. Thus they saved me the trouble of cooking for them separately.
I have to conclude this with another MOU between my mil and myself which was proposed by my mil.
As we were staying at Jamshedpur the train fare was high and the journey was also tedious. Never the less each and every year we had to attend marriage and other important functions. It was also felt that at least one lady should remain at home. My mil proposed that she would attend all the marriages and important functions from her side and I should attend all the close relatives’ marriages from my side. As I too felt that it was a good idea I gladly accepted this. We followed this until my mil was fit to travel on her own. Later when my mil had become sick, my hubby used to represent her.
Do you have any MOU signed or unsigned between you, your mil, your spouse or friend? I am eagerly awaiting your response.

Dear Mrs.Pushpavalli,
I have heard some of the customs you had mentioned here.
to your mil...for all the MOU....made during that time...
But I am not able to narrate any such thing from my side..but eagerly waiting to read from other ilites MOU as well.

sriniketan

dear pushpa,
this is a unique gesture and i remember even my mother refused to get sathya's in laws in the house before marriage though they were ready as dad was down with cancer, still they accepted and stayed in their friends house, it is easy to follow rules man made long ago, but the beauty comes forth when relationship takes the lead and brings about better change in family life..i enjoyed reading this a lot..sunkan

Dear Pushpavalli
as always your writings are so interesting to read.. I so much enjoyed reading this.. It seems to me your motherin law was wa ahead of her time..my respects for such great women.. as is your mother and you. not blessed enough to share any such but glad I could read about yours:)

dEar pushpa,
enjoyed your post...nice to know the MOUS..between u,your mil amd mom....yes relationships are the most important of all and it is nice to know that all the members in your house agree with that....

mindi

That was an interesting piece about which I didn't know! In modern days, there can be only one MOU between m-i-ls and d-i-ls-"You keep out of my way. I will reciprocate! He! He! He!

Dear Sriniketan,
Thank you for your instant FB. I forgot to mention that even that water with buttermilk should be offered in silver glass only. When we offer any thing, first we have to give water to wash the hands. My mother had trained us in traditional way. If I have to write about my mother it would be more interesting.
Love,
PS

Dear Sundari,
It is interesting to know that some of the customs followed by Iyer and Iengar are similar. Thank you for your FB and happy that you enjoyed the post
Love,
PS

Dear AC,
My mother was far ahead of her times. She and my mil had a very good relationship. My mil also was a very good person. Both were very good at hospitality. I was really blessed to have the guidance of such persons. Happy to note that you enjoyed reading the thread.
Love,
PS

Dear Mindi,
Thank you for your appreciation. When the MOU suits everyone involved, they will gladly accept it. We could avoid strained relationship by these kind of MOUs.
Love,
PS