The Single Child Syndrome

I use to worry about having a single child. Now after reading your article i came to know where to draw line.

Thanks a lot Mithila Mam for your valuable guidance.

Dear marrgg,
It feels so good to hear such motivating words from friends.Thanks a lot,my friend.
mithila kannan

Dear Supriya,

Please bear with me for poaching in the personal space between you and Mithila Kannan. I also follow a similar style and I sincerely felt, that the charge was against me as well. Hence this post.

Supriya, I have been writing for donkey's years and have been reading others' writings for a dozen donkeys' years. You know Supriya, all my stories, almost all of them, all my novels and snippets, spring from real life incidents only. Unless we writers choose to write about Mahabaratha, Ramayana or Pandyan Kings, or something like Harry Porter or the Lord of the Rings or Anaconda, our stuff should come from you people only.

We take a lot of precautions to embellish the incident. The basic thing is that we change the name of the persons. I also change their occupation, at times even their gender and the place of happening. My much acclaimed story, Neenga Nallavara published in Anandha Vikatan in 1999 was an exact account of an incident that had happened in Thiruchuzhi near Aruppukottai. A few days after the publication of the story, a disciple of the Swamiji whom I wrote about, wrote a letter to me, saying,"I am amazed at your description. It was picture-perfect." I wrote back to him saying that I knew the incident and then made it into a story.

Even my recent Varamalar story is based on what my friend told me.All my threads on marriages, emotional needs etc. are based on real life incidents. I had masked the names to the maximum extent possible. But shrewd persons like Chithra (Chitvish) found out who was the real figure I was writing about.

Let me say this, on my behalf, on behalf of Mithila Kannan, and on behalf of thousands of writers of the world. As a class, we want to bring you the best of real-life experiences. Heart of hearts we love you, our audience, so much that we do not want you to miss the lesson hidden in the experiences of others.

This at times leads to our partially compromising the privacy of persons near and dear to us. We know we are accumulating sin on this account. But we see that we bring happiness and enlightenment to you, our readers and for your sake, we do not mind carrying the bag of sin.

And my dear friend, we as writers do not want accolades or honours, shields or medals from you. We want your understanding. And if possible a little more love.
Love,

Originally Posted by SupriyaDinesh

Dear Mithila Madam,
I have been reading all your posts.You have a flair of writing and you have the capacity to grip the readers.This is my first post.I read the on the day you had first posted it.I stopped myself from writing the comment because i was fuming and i may rush into rude comments.Today im a bit composed.Well..u have chosen a topic to write.I appreciate that.But what bothers me in most of u r posts is that u share some of others lfestyle and their happenings which i dont like.You have every right to share u r story.Not X or Y.
I pity the parents of those girls/boys who u have mentioned in this post not because their kids got divorced but u have used them to teach others a lesson.Its really hurting.If given a chance i would think twice(or more) to come and mingle with u.Who knows u may write about me,my parents,my parenting skills,my grooming skills and what not..in u r next post and get appreciated.Please stick to your topic without bringing in your friends/relative as examples atleast for a bad one.This is my humnle request.U may ask you should i bother to comment if u do not like them..but i just couldnt hold it,..Hope you understand what im trying to tell.

Dear Mithila ,

Congrats on the beautiful thought provoking article. I kept seeing it on the main page but delayed looking at it as i was not sure what i would feel when i read it. . Nothing to do with your article just my own feelings. I am right now sailing in the Single Child boat and don't know if i could change that (with two ectopics and a husband who is fine with one -and age catching up.. ). I used to go and read articles on the Single Child syndrome and could not decide or influence a change.

Today after reading your article i got to see just how much a parent creates the syndrome rather than the child. Its such an eye opener. I got a cute 3yr old daughter and i must say that every day parenting is an introspection. She shares her things most of the time but sometimes she is possessive and we try to explain to her why its not good. She tells me "mum when i go to their house they don't let me play with their toys"!! Thats tough to explain sometimes.
I am proud of her when she can go into a toy store with me and never pesters me for anything. We always walk out with what was planned (gifts) and thats it.

Please do keep posting such articles from time to time to give us insights into how we can get blinded in our love. Children really don't need possessions they need our example. I think we as parents have to work doubly hard to project the right image as we have little eyes learning and watching. End of the day they are a reflection of our own inner demons or angels i guess.

I am an only daughter with two brothers but i grew up with no special favor. Today that has stood me in good stead. I do hope Ilina will be able to enjoy a life with sibblings but if that does not happen then i pray to be a good enough role model to bring up a balanced kid.

Keep writing and keep bringing in the sensitive topics that are eye openers. Learning from others experiences is better than making the same mistakes.

best wishes
preethi

To all friends in this thread- Mithila, Supriya, Kamla, Kamalji, Sridhar and others,

In the greater spirit of understanding, forgiving, accepting- let us drop the discussion initiated by Supriya now. And focus on replying to Mithila's lead post in this thread and discussing it. I think many members have written assauging Mithila's point of view, and Supriya, I am sure has made her own observations as well, based on these replies.

IL does not favour active moderation. IL is a space of free thought and expression within the ambit of Forum Etiquette. So, we are all free to write what we feel, and be subjected to the suitable reactions from other members.

Within this caveat, in the spirit of mutual understanding, let us not continue talking on Supriya's post etc. Let us focus on the gem of the lead post and continue that discussion.

As Moderator, I can only request. If anyone feels that they have more to express on the digressed discussion, they are definitely free to do so. But let us not forget the forest for the trees.

Thank you.

Regards
Vidya

My dear Preethi,
What a wonderful thought provoking mail,my dear friend.I had to read it twice slowly to get your words into my system.
Iam sure that your child will be an absolutely delightful person spreading cheer whever she goes.
Thank you for those motivating words.
I will most certainly write because writing is more important to me than breathing.
Thanks once again
mithila kannan

Dear Mithila,

Meeting you today thru your writing is my pleasure, thank you for your lovely words. Preetam my husband always says i write what i think and sometimes it takes time for the other person to really understand what i am trying to say. He is an expert at deciphering me now i guess after 12 years. reading through my reply i now get why you had to read thru twice -my thoughts emotions and feelings are all mixed up like a kitchidi .I do hope with more interaction in Induslady i can write more clearly like you all . I am really so honored to be meeting so many strong minded people here in these forums and it really feels like i have such a wide circle of friends.

Glad to know you and meet you today through your writing -looking forward to lots more interactions with you.

best wishes
preethi

Dear Preethi,
Sorry my dear friend you got me wrong.When I told you that I had to read your mail twice because the mail was pregnant with beautiful thoughts. S o I read it twice in order not ot miss anything and in order to savour it bit by bit..You write so well.
Iam also happy that I get to meet friendly people like you in this forum.
love
mithila kannan

Originally Posted by mithila kannan

Dear Preethi,
Sorry my dear friend you got me wrong.When I told you that I had to read your mail twice because the mail was pregnant with beautiful thoughts. S o I read it twice in order not ot miss anything and in order to savour it bit by bit..You write so well.
Iam also happy that I get to meet friendly people like you in this forum.
love
mithila kannan

Thanks Dear Mithila,

I am glad i got u wrong .I thought i was being my usual gibberish self (my dear husband's perspective -ha ha ).
Meeting you today is my pleasure too and looking forward to more of your writings.

love and best wishes
preethi

Thank you,dear Preethi
All the best
mithila