The Single Child Syndrome

Hello vidya,
My dad writes only in Tamil.He is a doctor by profession.I told him to translate in English so that i can use it for IL.He said the true essence of the story is lost when i translate.He is also not interested in typing in tamil.He has got various awards too.He has puublished books too.He writes medicinal essays also.

dear mithila ma'am,
yet another thought provoking piece from you..it is a lesson young mothers like me should keep in mind while raising children...like you have pointed out, facing failure will make them learn much more than always facing success...by raising a single child, we might be able to provide them with better comfort, education and opportunities, but at the same time we should teach them a most important skill to survive in the world later on..that is to cooperate and coexist by adjusting..
thankyou so much for the eyeopening write up!

Dear Mythili,

I wish that your post should be made a compulsory reading to the software couples who always prefer a single child, and many times no child. You have kind of talked sense to "Drithirastras" who are blinded by love for their children. It is not love but plan doting and you have clearly shown what it can lead to.

We have a single child, a daughter. Of course we showered our love on her but made it clear to her pretty early that life is all about moving with people. She first chose literature as her major. In her second year she became interested in "moving with people". She contested in her college elections and became the President of the Union. During the third year she knew what life really was. That one year gave her a lifetime exposure that she changed her career-path and opted for Masters in Social Work. I wont say that we are the best of the parents, or she the finest of the children. But my wife and I are sure that she can win her in-laws' hearts in no time, without compromising on her self-esteem.

I loved the way you cited so many examples to illustrate your point. I know a few examples on the other side as well.
Suresh was the eighth child in the family, a boy after seven girls. His parents were so rich that their income from property rents ran into several lakhs. Added to that the seven elder sisters simply doted on him. He just finished his graduation. He would get up at 9 in the morning, have breakfast around 10. Just go round the city in a luxury car and come back home at 1 for a luxurious lunch. Then two hours nap. Snacks and Coffee at 5 and again going around the city till 8. Then a good supper around 9.TV, net till midnight or 1 AM, and then go to sleep.
Priya was the eldest of two daughters. Born to a businessman, she was brought up to succeed to her father's business. She used to get up at 4 30 in the morning, go for a few games of tennis, breakfast and then will be at her father's office by 9 for a hard day's work. Come home at 7, then go around with her mother or sister, and do some office work in her laptop and hit the sack by 10.
Now wonder of all wonders, Priya got married to Suresh. As expected the marriage did not last for more than a year. Suresh tried to change. Priya would wake him up at 4 30 and drag him to the tennis court. She would drag an unwilling Suresh to her dad's office and place all the files and papers before him. For him it was real torture. After a while he said he could not take it any more and they parted ways. Now he is married to a simple girl from his village who has jelled with his lifestyle. Now she is being pampered by her in-laws and her husband.
It was rather difficult to find a groom for Priya. She was all alone for three years before her father found out a qualified boy for her, a boy who was willing to work along with her in her dad's office.
It is the single child which is most likely to be pampered. There are many instances where a child, which is not single, is also pampered. Like Suresh, the first male child after 7 daughters. Priya, was also in a way, a pampered kid, as she was literally the queen in her Dad's place.

When it comes to child-rearing it is better we remember Kahlil Gibran's words:
"Your children are not your children.
They come through you, not from you."

thanks for making me think, Mythili.

love,

Dear Sridhar,
Thank you for the wonderful feed back.Not only a single child ,even those with siblings also can go astray if parents are not careful,as you have rightly said.
We have two daughters.When my daughters were growing up my husband was in a senior position and we were at Delhi.But I saw to it that the girls had their feet firmly on the ground so did my husband.
When my elder daughter wanted to do a computer course costing around 18 grand my husband said that he would lend her the money and that she would pay back the money once she got a job.She took a part time job,in the afternoon she went for her computer classes.
I used to tell my daughters that living in that huge house,having two full time maids etc were not going to be our permanent lifestyle.That was like staying in a five star hotel."We would go back to our roots once daddy retires and I dont know what kind of family you two will get into,so you be prepared to sit on te floor and eat from a banana leaf and be prepared to sit on a table with forks and spoons as well".They had to do do the household work and had to learn cooking.
Today my elder daughter who is very rich,has her feet firmly on the ground,she is a simple down to earth person.In her house she has maids and a driver all the time.But once she goes to her orthodox simple in laws' house at Madurai,she does all the workeven cleans the wash rooms.She is the eldest DIL of her family.
The younger daughter is a different kind of person.Even from her childhood dignity of labour was in her blood.She is also the eldest DIL of her in laws.
Parents have to be strict where it is required and be give the single child the right atmosphere at home where thae child gets to mingle with others.
Regards
mythili

Dear mithila mam,

u do not sound boasting at all...i can truly understand your happiness...now wish me that i too will have it one day....it is the ultimate compliment. for the mother when the children acknowledge it...

Mindi..

Dear Vidya,
How wonderful on your part to come out with kind words.
Thank you dear,
mithila kannan

Dear mindian,
Iam sure that your kid is lucky to have you as mother.When the mother realises or understands the important role that she is going to play in her child's whole life,then half the job is done.
All the best.
mithila

Dear priya,
you hit the nail on the head.I agree with you.
Thanks for the fb.
mithila kannan

My dear Arabian Doll,
What a wonderful name!You have a wonderful mother.You are lucky.Touch wood.To quote youi,
i was brought up normally,teaching me right and wrong both!Though i get all reasonablei was brought up normally,teaching me right and wrong both!Though i get all reasonable things from my parents,my momma keeps on giving me kind advises that deals with how to adjust and live life, espescially when i get married and go away..She says life is full of adjustments

That is what we are talking about.You put it in one sentence.Thats a dear.
love
mithila kannan

a good one.i will be cautious as even i have only one kid