Is it a Curse to Have only DAUGHTERS.....???

brindhak · May 7, 2008

Issue 1

Kavitha and Anitha were two loving daughters brought up. with good discipline education..and good will....While their father searched for groom for Kavitha (elder sister) marriage.. he was searching in such a way. that the groom had one or two brothers.. so that if their might be chance of depending the son inlaw in future.. (not financilally ... he had much enough for his own and family).. it might be helpful...

But Man only proposes .....God's caluculation is completely different..They did not get a guy with brothers.. but no way so.. they finalised their marriage and she was got married and settled with her husband abroad.

When searching for the second daughter they tried much not to give for only son in the family... but this also ended as that of the first daughter case...

Since the second daughter was living with her inlaws. she had lots and lots of problems starting from her MLI to SiL.. only support for her was her Husband .. so she didnt take other things seriously.. and she is not that kind of girl too...

The MIL and FIL dominated in each and every fragment of thier lives...In an argument the boys father has stated at any cost his son should not look after his wife's
mother and father.. that is not his responsibility....
Why you should take care of them... ???
And also you should not go to their home even for
causal visit...
You must take care only of us not your PIL...

How Atrocious and Insane are these people.....??
The arugument continues......

The same might happen in case of the elder sister's family also in future...

Issue 2

Oh my !! dear Amma,Why are you like this.. ?
Why cant you come and stay with me.. till your health
becomes normal....
Dont worry that My MIL will tell something...
You dont mind also if she tells..
I know how hard you tioled urself to bring me and sister
after Dad left us..
. How can i leave u alone.. .. sister is having exams ..
now she cant come to native to take care of you..
and their is no facilities like here
in our native..
so I beg u amma why cant you come and stay with me...
I ll come and pick you this weekend..
You dont worry that my inlaws will tell something ...Im
getting handful sarlary and i not going to depend on them..
I cannot escape from doing my duties thinking of my inlaws

You keep in mind.. Its my reponsibility to take care of you..
now and always... You have all the rights to come here amma
Please undersatnd ......

This was the conversation of my Best friend over phone to her mother.. She was struggling a lot to convience her mother to come and stay with her....

The above two incidents are issues that we all come across.. in our own lives or around our house, relatives or friends.. not only like these incidents... many more.. which could be more painful ...

Parents who own only daughters ... face many problems in this way.

If a girl gets married ,, does her parents become third persons
in her life...?
Is she not responsible for her parents...???????

Today all girls are equivalent and also more talented than
guys... thay also earn and they have the capability to look
after the family.....

As having only daughters they have to depend on their
daughters in their old age.. no other way..

I dont know WHY..
The parents of the girls are hesitating to take their own
rights ......
or else..
They girl is being Trapped by others in such a way that
she cannot do her reposibility..

Does only boys have the responsibilty to take of there parents in there old age.. and girls dont have that......... ?????????????????

This is my first online writing.. So please bear and excuse if their is any mistake

love
brindha

Lalitha Shivaguru · May 7, 2008

Dear Brindha,

I appreciate and understand what you have written as i myself sail in the same boat. Myself and brother are two kids to my parents but unfortunately brother has taken to sanyas and hence my mother's responsibility is also mine (as father is no more).

But till date I cannot invite my mother to come and stay in my house for a few days because we live in a Joint family. Every time she needs me i have to run there. Though my dh does not mind me spending my money or time with my mom but my mom minds saying tomorrow if your dh or inlaws say something? How to change her thinking...... is a million dollar question.

vkrithika1 · May 7, 2008

Dear brindha,

Touch wood.Just now i was thinking of starting a thread on this and i was thinking of a good title.Withing minutes you have posted.

I will also share my sad feelings here.

For the past one week my parents and my brother,sil,kids and my cousin brother were staying with me(MY brother is doing some painting work at his house).

MY father brought all the stuffs needed for cooking, washing etc.etc on first day itself.
For the whole week He did not allow me to spend even 10 Rs.Everything was taken care by him.

Really i felt very bad.He simply said" pennukku bhaarama irrukka koodaadhu.

I don't have MIL,FIL,SIL OR BIL.My Dh is also a very sweet person and he is also out of station.
I do not know what made my father behave like that.

We all are talking about equality. BUt that will never come. Even our parents don't think that way.Once we are married, we are away from our own family.

I am not able to control myself while posting this.

When we see the reality, it is only a curse.

Arunarc · May 7, 2008

Hi Brindha
You have really written good. I think it is the duaghters duty too to look after her parents, it is not only the son's.
It depends upon how the individual handles it. I agree there are some parents who don't want they son to look after his PIL. But these are rare cases now a days many have usually one or 2 kids and once they are married i think it is the duty of them to look after both they parents equally.
I have a friend they are 3 sisters. one is US, other in Mumbai and the other in Dharwade and they parents are in hubli. The US one cannot come and stay as very far but she makes it a point to take her parents to US and looks after them for some months. The mumbai one is a business woman where she has to spend her whole time in work but she too takes her parents to her place for some months and the remaining they stay in they own house and the Dharwade one she is a house wife but she comes to hubli on every friday and stays with them till sunday and goes back. And non of they husbands do have any problem with what the wife's do nor do the girls in laws have any objection in this. Here each and every daughter is doing her duty in one way or the other. It is not that the parents don't have anything, they are financially strong have servants at home to take care of them too.
So my dear friend why do we consider daughter's as curse she is a gift.

Mindian · May 7, 2008

Hi brindha...

good post...i think it is the responsibilty of the younger generation to change the attitude of their elders when it comes to this issue...both sons and daughters have equal responsibilty and equal rights...we are 2 my bro and myself and i think when the time comes we will share their responsibilty equally...my inlaws are not there now but when they were alive my SIL and my husband did share ....so what if a girl has her inlaws with her...she still has the right to keep her parents too......maybe all easier to preach than practise but atleast the thought and inclination should be there......i know many girls think that mothers house is a place they can go to rest and they pray that the DIL will look after their mother.......How can someone of this generation think like that...i totally disagree with that...

mindi

brindhak · May 7, 2008

lalitha shivaguru said: ↑

Dear Brindha,

I appreciate and understand what you have written as i myself sail in the same boat. Myself and brother are two kids to my parents but unfortunately brother has taken to sanyas and hence my mother's responsibility is also mine (as father is no more).

But till date I cannot invite my mother to come and stay in my house for a few days because we live in a Joint family. Every time she needs me i have to run there. Though my dh does not mind me spending my money or time with my mom but my mom minds saying tomorrow if your dh or inlaws say something? How to change her thinking...... is a million dollar question.
Click to expand...

Dear Lalitha..
Thanx for your FB dear... Yes you are true. I dont know why our parents hesitate to come and stay with us...Even for a change or for a vacation also.. they dont feel much comfortable staying even though we are not with inlaws.....
I hope this is the mind set of that Generation...

love
brindha

brindhak · May 7, 2008

vkrithika1 said: ↑

Dear brindha,

Touch wood.Just now i was thinking of starting a thread on this and i was thinking of a good title.Withing minutes you have posted.

I will also share my sad feelings here.

For the past one week my parents and my brother,sil,kids and my cousin brother were staying with me(MY brother is doing some painting work at his house).

MY father brought all the stuffs needed for cooking, washing etc.etc on first day itself.
For the whole week He did not allow me to spend even 10 Rs.Everything was taken care by him.

Really i felt very bad.He simply said" pennukku bhaarama irrukka koodaadhu.

I don't have MIL,FIL,SIL OR BIL.My Dh is also a very sweet person and he is also out of station.
I do not know what made my father behave like that.

We all are talking about equality. BUt that will never come. Even our parents don't think that way.Once we are married, we are away from our own family.

I am not able to control myself while posting this.

When we see the reality, it is only a curse.
Click to expand...

Dear kirthika...
Thats nice to hear Even you too had the same mind set of starting the same topic...

Even I have expereinced the same issues as that of you when i was staying in india.. when my parents come and meet me..they wont allow me to spend a penny till they go.. i was separate with my hubby only .. and my hubby is very good and genorous.. but still.. I wonder why they do so.....??????

Hmm.. Is your name Kirthika or Kamala...???

love
brindha

brindhak · May 7, 2008

Arunarc said: ↑

Hi Brindha
You have really written good. I think it is the duaghters duty too to look after her parents, it is not only the son's.
It depends upon how the individual handles it. I agree there are some parents who don't want they son to look after his PIL. But these are rare cases now a days many have usually one or 2 kids and once they are married i think it is the duty of them to look after both they parents equally.
I have a friend they are 3 sisters. one is US, other in Mumbai and the other in Dharwade and they parents are in hubli. The US one cannot come and stay as very far but she makes it a point to take her parents to US and looks after them for some months. The mumbai one is a business woman where she has to spend her whole time in work but she too takes her parents to her place for some months and the remaining they stay in they own house and the Dharwade one she is a house wife but she comes to hubli on every friday and stays with them till sunday and goes back. And non of they husbands do have any problem with what the wife's do nor do the girls in laws have any objection in this. Here each and every daughter is doing her duty in one way or the other. It is not that the parents don't have anything, they are financially strong have servants at home to take care of them too.
So my dear friend why do we consider daughter's as curse she is a gift.
Click to expand...

Dear Aruna...
Thankyou for your encouraging words on my writing....
As you have said.. their are daughters who take care...
but many DIL are facing problems with their inlaws..
in this issue... Most of the inlaws are not Generous...
this attitude must change atleast from our Generation..

love
brindha

brindhak · May 7, 2008

Mindian said: ↑

Hi brindha...

good post...i think it is the responsibilty of the younger generation to change the attitude of their elders when it comes to this issue...both sons and daughters have equal responsibilty and equal rights...we are 2 my bro and myself and i think when the time comes we will share their responsibilty equally...my inlaws are not there now but when they were alive my SIL and my husband did share ....so what if a girl has her inlaws with her...she still has the right to keep her parents too......maybe all easier to preach than practise but atleast the thought and inclination should be there......i know many girls think that mothers house is a place they can go to rest and they pray that the DIL will look after their mother.......How can someone of this generation think like that...i totally disagree with that...

mindi
Click to expand...

Hi mindian,
Thanx for your FB dear... Let the attitude change atleast from our Generation...

love
brindha

Anandchitra · May 7, 2008

Dear Brindha
I was initially misled by your title.. but glad I read it.. I have now reconciled to the fact thats how its going to be.. But I have personally seen many parents who have only child as daughter totally exploit it to the extent that the daughters life is ruined catering to parent.. I think it really depends on the parents only.. My parents are also like the ones you describe.. though my inlaws ar eno more they still will not come and stay with me.. what do you sa for that?