Is it a Curse to Have only DAUGHTERS.....???

hi ladies,

after reading this thread i too got a fear in me. we are two daughters , iam married and my sis is doing her MCA. terms r not good between my parents and my husband. i could not even attend a call from my parents in front of my husband . i too used to think abt this often. Only after my marriage my parents were feeling about not having a son.

But i believe things would change as years roles on.

Brinda,
You have explained exactly what I am going through now...
My parents won't come and be with me and my family for a change...
They had to be begged to come over here...my father, he didn't renew his passport, of that idea, that it is not a necessary thing...but now they are here because of my husband's surgery last Dec. That made them come here and help me out...
My hubby is a sweet and innocent person. No problem with him...my mil stays with me...maybe due to unsweet memories of her made them take that decision...

Another incident, my grandma, she won't come and stay in her daughters (3) house but she will suffer in staying with my uncle, quoting, it won't be nice to stay in one's daugher's house...
Atleast, as you had mentioned, let this change from our generation onwards...

sriniketan

Hi,

I guess the change is long over due! We are 2 daughters, and each time I want to help my parents, I was feeling sort of guilty, coz when u look around and hear, its all about how Boys have to take care of parents! Nothing is ever said of in laws! So I used to always think, this is how it is supposed to be!!! I ahve a hubby who has no probs. with this. And now I feel I should do what ever it takes to make my parents comfortable in their old age, just as I have done for my in-laws these last 14+ yrs.! No more guilt!

Dear Jaishree....

ThanX a lot dear for reading My post and your FB.

""""""""our in hospital this I have witnessed from years that 80% times it is the daughter who is staying in hospital to help ill parents rather than DIL."""""""

This is Literal Jaishree... Only daughters take care in hospitals ....rare case occurs very very few where dil takes care.. I agree with you...

"""""""""""Every few months paper carry story of daughters giving mukhagni to dead parent & doing all the rituals"""""""""""""

Even I have read this.... Its also happy to hear that things are changing... Let Us Embark on this..

Love
brindha..

ThanX a lot Kamal Jii For your Valuable Feedback..

'''''''''''''''''' Girls will look after their parents in old age more than the sons will.I have seen so many girls do that in my family.They are more than sons to their parents''''''''''''

Very Happy to hear this.. This must happen in all families .. I pray for that..

ThanX a lot for you Encouragement.....
Love
brindha..

Dear Shlipa..

ThanX for sharing your thoughts dear...

'''''''''''''''''''The best part is all my other family members who had sons are living with them but not as happy!.. problems with DIL!!.. ( I know this is contradictory to the OP, but reality ) and also other way round where the DIl cannot have their parents here'''''''''''''''''..

This also happens..... Have to agree the fact....

""""""""""On the other hand, I'm married into a huge joint family, but even today when my dad visits mu ILs, they make it a point to have him stay there.. they don;t let him stay outside and they get terribly upset with me!.. if my dad does so.. they think I "instructed" him not to stay there.. My DH enjoys my dad's company'''''''''''''''''''''''.

Touchwood.... You are so blessed.... I hope You have Wonderful Inlaws

love
brindha

dear mithila ma'am,

i cannot express my thanks in words for your kind concern...i know exactly what you say by "thorn can be removed by thorn only"...the tactful way of dealing with this problem was the most difficult part...becoz, creating a ruckus at home and blowing up everything is very easy, whereas bringing about a slow change in DH's way of looking at things with tact was one of the most difficult things i've ever done in my life...but by god's grace, i completed that part successfully and hubby is fully supportive of me now...i never never rub it in a wrong way with him...like you say it is a very sensitive issue....but moving abroad gave us the golden oppurtunity to take stock of things...and he wholeheartedly agrees that my parents are as important to us as his parents...but my inlaws still live in some utopia having unrealistic expectations from DIL and her family....what worked for our ancestral agrarian families would not work for the modern day families...what i dont understand is the double standards in the expectations...they want DIL to be fair, slim, beautiful, god fearing, professional education, good job with 5 fig pay, AND to wake up at 5.00 in the morn, do ALL cooking, put up with all their whims and wishes, never plan an outing or shopping with their son, never buy anything even lil more expensive than what MIL has, to cut off the ties with parents and siblings... and the list goes on and on....in a nut shell they want a beautiful DOOR MAT..... Let us change things for our daughters and DILs....because of this MIL problem, a lot of useful creative energy that our ladies have gets wasted in suffering/thinking about this....
but certainly like so many of our friends have pointed out, inspite of all this, having daughters IS a blessing....and im glad things are changing everywhere except for a few utopian families like mine....

dear pavi,
thanks for your FB...yes it is heartening to see the change like so many of our friends have written here...but like you mentioned, even i lost touch with most of my friends when all this drama was going on in my life...we should all thank brindha for giving us the chance to discuss this important issue here....

Dear Pavi,
ThanX a lot for Your feedback...
As u have said . many of the husbands and inlaws think after marriage the girl should take care of their house and and satisfy all of them.. making all sorts of Sacrifices.. She doesnt have her own SPACE.... :(

love
brindha.

Originally Posted by jacintha

hi ladies,

after reading this thread i too got a fear in me. we are two daughters , iam married and my sis is doing her MCA. terms r not good between my parents and my husband. i could not even attend a call from my parents in front of my husband . i too used to think abt this often. Only after my marriage my parents were feeling about not having a son.

But i believe things would change as years roles on.

Dear Jacinitha..

I understand your chaotic situation dear.... Try to change your husband's conviction ..... Parents of girls feel very insecure when they stumble across these kind of people.... I ll pray GOD...

love
brindha