Is it a Curse to Have only DAUGHTERS.....???

hi brindha
tum ne man ki baath kehdi.............i go thru the same .my mom in law just cant stand me or my parents,she doesnt like my parents coming to my house,if my mom wants to come for 4 days,she will call her n say come for 2 days as u will feel odd here with yr daughter's father in law around,i couldnt belive somebody can actually do that,well now i know some can..hmmmm
.my hubby is very sweet and will do anything for me and my family(mashALLAH),so that relaxes me a lot.
now i am settled in abu dhabi with my hubby ,n parents have settled in ajman wich is just 2-3 hrs drive away,so they can come without having to worry about anything but thats what i think they dont feel the same,i have to beg for my mom to come n spend a week with me,she feels what will my hubby think etc etc n even if she comes its a constant argument between me n her about who is paying for what,she doesnt let me open my wallet,the sight of my wallet freaks her out . she brings hell lot of homemade stuff i love ,wich is ok but i cnt get anything for her.
it hurts me a lot when i think its always gona be like this,i even hve stopped arguing with her now much,n just let her pay for herself.
there was a time when she would do anything to get me what i wanted n there is a time now when i hve the provision to do the same back,but the fear of r in laws,society etc doesnt allow it.whats the point of such beliefs n weird system in wich we cant love are parents back the same way they do just because we are born as girls.......... well lets hope minds change with times.......
i strongly believe its every childs responsibilty to support their parents always,irrespective of the fact wether u r born a girl or boy all that matters should be how much u love your parents.
i guess this is getting long,i just cant stop .......hihihi

take care
jess

Hi girls dear,

I can very well understand your feelings.The reason parents don't want to come is not that they don't love you or they love sons more etc.,etc.In our hindu tradition and custom, when we marry a daughter off, it is 'kanyadhan' and she goes into another family, acquires another gothra etc. When a boy marries, he brings the bride into the family and the gothra.So according to the parents, a son and his family is their own, and the daughter & co belongs to another one, different.Among parents with no sons too, this thought prevails.

Nowadays it is better to consider, that, when the boy gets married, he is branching out, since very few sons live with parents, career wise or other reasons.

We are four daughters,with no sons, and we take pride in that we take care of our mother of 80 yrs. old taking turns, and our husbands do realize that it is their responsibility too.All of us daughters and sons-in-law, nursed our father, when he met with an accident and lost his eyesight,and bedridden for a long time.

I hope times change and parents feel comfortable with their daughter's household too, and MILs realize the collective responsibilities too!

Dear brindha,
You have raised a valid question.In most families where the parents have only daughters the parents do their duty,get their aughters educated,do everything possible for them but they themselves do not want to be a responsibility of their daughters.
I know of a case where a well to do parents of a n only daughter gave her what all they had including their house which was given to their daughter happily by her parentsbecause they wanted to see their daughter live in that hse with her family.What happened when they became too old and needed the daughter's support,their son in law actually threw them out,the daughter simply kept quiet.
I know of another case where a couple,lower iddle cklass had three daughters.Their relatives said,"oh my God,you have three daughters,no sons!get them married fast to some boy or other and be free".
But the daughters were brilliant,studied well today all the three of them are in senior positions in their respective chosen fields,and they are giving their parents a whae of a time.The parents are given the same importance as their parents in law,the girls have bought rtheir parents a lovely three bedroom flat,and take care of all their expenses take them abroad for holidays with their parents in law.
Hard to believe,nio?But it is a fact,my dear.So the daughters have to make the right choice in marrying good men with values and principles and they should have also the courage of conviction that they will take care of their parents.
Such daughters,my dear are a blessing not only to their parents but ot the society in which they live for they will be a role model to other daughters.
mithila kannan

Dear AC..
Very happy to know that you read my thread.. and also thanx for your feedback.... Most of the parents are like this I think....I hope many of us are in the same State..Its pretty difficult to change this also :(

love
brindha

Dear Jenzz...

Thankyou soo much for your feedback.. I was really moved.. dont give hope in convincing your mother dear... thay are always in a circle and are not coming out of that... i think ALL the PARENTS are in similar mindset..

love
brindha

We are four daughters,with no sons, and we take care of our mother of 80 yrs. old taking turns, and our husbands do realize that it is their responsibility too.All of us daughters and sons-in-law, nursed our father, when he met with an accident and lost his eyesight,and bedridden for a long time.

dear mam,

How blessed you are.. ??,,, We have to realise our responsibiltes... not only we but also our husbands and inlaws...

I hope times change and parents feel comfortable with their daughter's household too, and MILs realize the collective responsibilities too

Lets pray for this Mam..
Thankyou very much for your FB.


love
brindha

"""The daughters have to make the right choice in marrying good men with values and principles and they should have also the courage of conviction that they will take care of their parents.
Such daughters,my dear are a blessing not only to their parents but ot the society in which they live for they will be a role model to other daughters. """""


Dear Mam..

As you have mentioned both cases prevail. Mam......Even if the daughters and their son in laws are happy to look after them.. parents should not hesitate in coming and staying with them Mam...

Lets pray to have new Soceity.....


love
brindha

Dear Brindha,

Congrats on venturing to write and double congrats because your first piece has made it to the FP nominations of the month. Not a mean job, that?!! Good for you and hope to hear more from you.

And to answer your question, no Brindha, daughter is no curse but a blessing. Unfortunately, people seem to forget it and mess the whole situation in the name of tradition etc etc. But in the many fbs to your initial post, we have seen that times are changing and at least some people are changing along with it.

As for those parents who refuse to accept the hospitality of their own daughter, it is high time the daughters spoke up and make their parents see better sense.

Let us hope that today's generation takes a huuuuuuge step forwards.

L, Kamla

dear brindha,
you have raised a truly valid issue...my parents have only me and my sis....when i was staying in india, my inlaws staying with us...my parents staying in native place...when my parents wanted to see me, they would have to call my inlaws fix up a time and visit for only few hrs...no offer for my parents to stay even for a day not even for a formality...my dad had to sit in the living room and i had to speak to my mother in the dining...after a few minutes of pleasantary, my MIL would call for me loudly from the kitchen to make tiffin for all....cursed tiffin! i always wonder why we cant entertain people with some snaks from the shop...surya sweets is so close by, their snacks are so good as home made...its not like we cant afford it...but no...whoever comes to visit us, i'll have to burry myself in the kitchen and not talk to anyone...otherwise my mom has to come and stand there along with us in the kitchen...once my MIL raised a problem that i took my mom inside our room to talk to her...her argument is that there should be no private converstation with my mom...and for visiting my parents place, me and my parents have to apply for bail from my MIL..once i wanted to go to my parents place for 2 weeks and my MIL wanted me to go for only 5 days or so....then my DH was sailing....so after i left for my parents place, my MIL told DH when he called them not to call me up or talk to me since i dint listen to their words...my dear, this is not something happened 50 yrs back but only 2 yrs back...then once they made my DH go and drop me off at parents place and made me stay there until further notice(that was 2 months later)...imagine my parents having to answer our neighbours as to why im staying there for so long....so even now the idea that parents of a girl have no right to come and stay with her is strong in the minds of inlaws....when my mother came here to assist me with my delivery, my inlaws didnt speak to us for a full 10 months...all this is really sickening and i very strongly wish to change this social stigma atleast in my daughter's time...like u say, parents also have to fight for their right to visit /stay with daughter...if that happens most of the atrocities that are imposed on a DIL by the inlaws can be avoided....the less visits from parents and the girls other relatives, the more inlaws take advantage of her...so parents should visit their daughters, stay for few days atleast to see how they treat the girl and provide moral support....

My dear Kamala jii

ThankYou very much for your precious Response... And also Im much delighted from your message that this post has been nominated....



"""" Unfortunately, people seem to forget it and mess the whole situation in the name of tradition etc etc """"

This is much Authentic Mam....Today girls face a lot of Obstructions in Accomplishing their Responsibilites.....


"""""" As for those parents who refuse to accept the hospitality of their own daughter, it is high time the daughters spoke up and make their parents see better sense """""

Hope its in the hands of today's generation to Trigger this...

ThanX a lot Mam
love, brindha