Everything I do

Originally Posted by Vandhana

Hi AC,

So been listening to Brayn Adams lately??? i love this song.

Anyway, lovely story. Don't we all moms go through this. Especially when we are working and kids are sick and we do not have leave

But i guess, we do have a lot of women these days who can balance work and kids without the kids feeling unloved.

Keep writing.

Vandhana

Vandhana

You are right.. Everything I do I do it for you.. really I have been feeling that even staying at home I cannot do justice to family.. it seems sometimes that I have a full time job!

Dear AC,
Nice one. You have very nicely depicited the dilemma of a mother (and father). I guess mother feels more guilty about not giving enough time. Father is always under the pressure of the "provider mentality" so they cannot afford to get bogged down much by this guilt.

Indeed, it is a constant balancing act. Whether you work outside the home or not, it is equally challenging. The one extra dimension that gets added for working women is being responsible and accountable outside the home also. You have been on both sides so you know both very well.

In the end working or not working, it is all about balancing and setting your priorities according to what seems right to you and your family. And more importantly, I firmly believe in regularly and frequently taking stock of where life is going and re-aligning my direction accordingly. I think this can save us Moms from the frequent guilt trips we keep taking.

Well, inspite of balancing so hard there are times when nothing seems right. But those times don't last long, do they?


SS

Nice thread!

Originally Posted by Jithiks

Hi AC,

An excellent description of a household with working parents.

But one thing, I would like to say...even when one of the parent is not working, these kind of situations do arise. So, I will not point fingers at working parents alone.

As Vandhana pointed out, there are parents who do balance the work and family quite well.

And before you begin to wonder as to whether I am working or not...no, I am not working..I am a home maker...but sometimes I do like to say that I am working @ home which confuses most people.

Also, I've decided not to work for now, since, personally, I feel that my children need me the most at this stage. I feel that I cannot do a good juggle between work & family and it is totally my individual choice.Probably, I have the luxury of taking this decision.

But in some cases, both parents have to work to meet their ends and in others, they don't want to waste their time& education/improve career/earn more money/savings/prove their worth and that makes them stick on to their jobs. To each his own !

Anway, back to the point, there are very rare cases where the parents place their careers before the kids..but when it happens...it is a question of priorities once again.

Each family have their own standards & goals to maintain/achieve.

It is a wonderful story that you have depicted..but I am still wondering as to why the woman (Sunitha) resigned her job and not her husband (Kannan).

Please don't mistake me..I am not talking women's liberation here..but out of curiosity..I am asking..why the female always takes a step back and makes the necessary adjustments/sacrifices especially when we are in the 21st century !

Definitely, if the woman is able to give all the love and care needed for a child, she should definitely pursue her career.

Suffice it to say, both the parents need to meet half way and take equal responsibility to give attention to their children.

And now, when i was writing this post, another thought occured to me..what if they are single parents and they have to work to support themselves and their kids too? Will they have the luxury to resign their jobs and sit at home?

Please don't mistake me AC..probably I should have read it as a story and let it go...but I took the liberty of sharing my views.

Regards
Krithika

Dear young friend Krithika
I am more than pleased and delighted you shared your views.. thats exactly why I write so I get to read different points of view.. Please do not hesitate to do so.. I found your feedback very interesting.. also I liked why you thought father could not have resigned?? Yes.. you are right. Either could have done so and one does not have to forego a career just for the time to spend.. these days with every conceivable gadget in sight its not an impossible task at all to balance.. and I do admire women and men who do just that:)

Sundari Thanks . This is one topic that cannot exhaust itself through time..

Originally Posted by soaringspirit

Dear AC,
Nice one. You have very nicely depicited the dilemma of a mother (and father). I guess mother feels more guilty about not giving enough time. Father is always under the pressure of the "provider mentality" so they cannot afford to get bogged down much by this guilt.

Indeed, it is a constant balancing act. Whether you work outside the home or not, it is equally challenging. The one extra dimension that gets added for working women is being responsible and accountable outside the home also. You have been on both sides so you know both very well.

In the end working or not working, it is all about balancing and setting your priorities according to what seems right to you and your family. And more importantly, I firmly believe in regularly and frequently taking stock of where life is going and re-aligning my direction accordingly. I think this can save us Moms from the frequent guilt trips we keep taking.

Well, inspite of balancing so hard there are times when nothing seems right. But those times don't last long, do they?


SS

Dear SS
Only you can write better than the lead post.. and I am glad you just DID!..:)

Dear Anandchitra,

A very well written story. I loved the little family scenes you have inserted..So true to life and so natural.
I was wondering what you were leading us to...Me mandu did not guess till Anju spoke her words!
All is well, mom and dad decide to go easy on work and mom stays back to look after and raise a happy girl. Nice thoughts, but somehow I am not sure if it can work like that in real life Ac. Call me skeptic if you want, which I am.
Money spins the world, the same parents have to pay through their noses if that child wants a bright future, good schooling, college degrees, commutes etc etc. Everyone here will understand what the demands of the society are today. Yes, one can live with less money, but believe you me, that also means a lot less security. And before you realize, old age catches up and who is going to pay all those medical bills, rising inflation costs, so on and so forth. Don't mean to come down on your writings...But...reality is sometimes very harsh and one seems to need a lot of that money these days, whether we like it or not.
It is okay to give up or cut down on work if one is somewhat safe monetarily, but many do not have that luxury. I therefore want to be mindful of their dilemmas and be kind to such parents who are trying very hard to secure a safe future for their kids and themselves...What say you?!

L, Kamla

Dear AC,

A very nice and important one..

It is a thought that attacks everybody at the end of the day. Was I good to my little one? Even the homemaker moms cannot be attending every single thought of their kid.

Kids learn it the natural way. Get exposed to things; then learn. But, there is no second opinion as to the working parents manage the kids, hard way. They have so much of guilty feelings. A friend of mine, who is a working woman, revolves just around her daughter after she comes back.

Just because she is working she is spoiling her daughter like anything, making her life miserable by attending her too much.

Actually, I personally feel that they don't need their parents 24/7. Depending upon the way they are brought up and what they see, their thirst towards independence is getting increased day by day. So, naturally they spend a lots of time for themselves.

But, they really want quality time from the parents. When that lacks, this story kind of occurence becomes so common. That is the reality of these days. Mostly, the parents are running behind so many stuffs and end up losing the game of winning their kids' hearts.

AC, your story triggered my thoughts. Sorry if I took it to a different track.

Indeed 'quality time' is the buzzword today. Fathers should accept their roles too. Staggered work times so that at least one of the parents is with the kid will also help. And no TV or other activity, where the kid is not involved, is allowed, when the parent is at home!

Santosh
kids are precious

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Sunitha woke up with a start. It took her a minute to open her eyes wide and glance sideways at her alarm clock. She had beat her alarm by just under a minute. She hurriedly shut it off and stepped off her bed without waking her husband. She entered the kitchen as a light grey dawn was peeping through her kitchen windows. She set the cooker and glanced idly at her calendar on the fridge door. Her face registered a startled look as she glared at the calendar as though it had made some mistake. Belatedly she realized no mistakes were made but she had forgotten an important guest coming for dinner that evening. Her youngest sisterinlaw (Shanthi) had called last week informing Sunitha that her (Shanthi’s) FIL would be visiting them and could Sunitha please host them for dinner. Sunitha had said Yes without any apparent hesitation though she was well aware of the work involved on a weekday. The past weekend had been too busy and she had completely forgotten this matter. Her mind now in a whirlwind of activity as she started making a list off all the things that needed to be done, her hands hurried with making coffee.
She had just enough time to wake her husband, Kannan, and then run behind her sleeping daughter Anju as she helped get Anju ready for school. Meanwhile Kannan had his coffee and headed towards the bathroom to get ready for work.
Anju wanted to know “Why the color of the sky was still grey”, What was amma thinking all the time”, Why did’n t the door bell ring with the arrival of their maid Lakshmi, Why could she not wear the yellow skirt to school, Why was her best friend Ram sick… and the questions endless. Sunitha barely got the kid ready and made her eat breakfast nodding her head without paying any attention to any of the questions.
Anju must have noticed her mothers preoccupation that she kept quiet after a while. Kannan noticing their maids absence busied himself at the kitchen sink as Sunitha got everyone’s lunch boxes ready. Before she knew it she was sitting in her company’s bus still thinking about the evening’s guests. Mentally she checked off her list of things to be done. Her maid not coming had only helped add to the stress and she could barely think of anything else during a very busy work day. There seemed to be some connection with her absent maid and work because nothing went off as planned during the day with numerous problems from the customers, Sunitha somehow just made it home that evening.
As Sunitha picked up Anju from after school daycare, she realized she needed some more items for that evenings dinner so she rushed through ShopFast with Anju in tow. With her mind so preoccupied she failed to notice the very quiet Anju by her side. Kannan came early too that evening and helped get everything ready for the guests. Shanthi’s FIL Balan mama turned out to be a fun person and had so many questions to ask both Kannan and Sunitha which they answered patiently. Finally the guests left very happy and Kannan started cleaning up while Sunitha got Anju ready for bed.
Finally she noticed Anju being quiet and asked “Anju kutty whats up my sweet one”? and turned Anju’s face to her side. Anju’s big brown eyes looked at her mother for a few minutes before she asked quietly “Why don’t you love me amma? . Sunitha was compelely taken aback with this question that for a minute she just stared back at her daughters sad face. Kannan coming from behind heard this and rushed to Anju’s side. “My sweetest baby..How could you say that? Both amma and appa love you so much. You are all we have. We are working hard just for you”.
But Anju continued to look sad and downcast. “If you both love me, why don’t you spend any time at all with me? Why don’t you answer any of my questions? Why didn’t you ask what I did at school today? Why did you answer ALL the questions that Balan mama asked but not any of mine?.All I have ever wanted was to be with both of you but you are always busy with no time for me... With that she turned and walked into her room to sleep and said a small goodnight to her parents still standing shocked by the door.
Sunitha could barely control her tears as she sat in the sofa and Kannan tried to console her saying “Sometimes it gets so busy during the day..we cannot always spend time with Anju”. Sunitha knew that was no excuse at all and so did Kannan. They both realized very quickly they had to do some serious soul searching and decide if this is how they wanted to live their lives. With both parents working full time, they thought they could afford so much more for their kid but in the process had forgotten the child needed love and attention on a daily basis.
Though it was very late when Sunitha and Kannan went to sleep that night, their minds had cleared. They were sad they had overlooked the most important person in their lives and finally made some important decisions together. Sunitha had decided to resign from her very demanding work by the month end and Kannan had decided to forego a promotion that involved more travel time.
They both knew it was a small price to pay for the happiness and closeness that they wanted together as a family. Both knew they would have to sit down later and start a more frugal budget but nothing could overshadow their joy as they knew the quality time that they would finally have to spend with each other and with their beloved daughter too.

hi anandchitra,
very well portrayed. it is the same case in many houses where both the parents work.

regards,
sreelata.s