Retired or Not retired?

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Dear friend Kamal
Trust when I say I have taken too much criticism for this way of thinking.. when my kid was born and my husband and I decided we will do the job ourselves..that is bringing up the child.. both mother and mil told me I was toooooo lazy to get up and go to work.. and its easy to stay at home...and so much more.. some mothers expect their daughters to hold on to high powered jobs that they do put a lot of pressure for this reason..
On the other hand if the parent loves to babysit then its o.k. Almost ALL the families I have seen the parents personal life is messed up when they transplant themselves to do this "job"... Actually parenting itself is a full time job!
I love your last line.. I too would prefer to blog than babysit..especially since I did do my part.. and trust me its not all its jazzed up to be:)

Dear Chitra,

See we did our duty as parents, and now we must enjoy our lives by blogging, watching movies, suduko, without any worries.

And that one point u make is very true in some cases, where a mother is encouraged to do her high powered job, and the MIL takes care of the grandchild.In that case, the money is involved of the wife and is needed to run the home comfortably, so thats another issue altogether.

But as a grandparent i would want my married kids to take care of their own kids, if i would not need their income.In my case, we are comfortable, and blogging is heaven,and i am having the ballof a time inlife these days.So who has the time for babysitting for our kids.Not me in any case.HAHA.I would rather blog with pretty ladies like u all here on Indus, what say No offence mean, just a silly joke.

Regards.kamal

My Dear Anandchitra
Where have you disappeared not to be seen at all?????????
Now a day no blogs too from your side........ok ok

What a nice topic dear..............don't you think this is the time the kids have to take care of the parents instead, the kids asking such old people to look after they own kids........Looking after kids is a full time job. How come people get so ridiculous, rude pitiless...what not. I know grandparents are always happy to look after the grand kids but, the age u have mentioned it is for them to rest and enjoy life they have worked hard through out they life and at this stage too they have to work.........I feel like shooting such kids who cannot take care of they old parents instead ask them to help in return.

Dear Kamalji had a good laugh at this wonderful fb of urs...........
Yes you are right at old age why one should look after our grand kids it is the duty of the parents to look after the kids or how will they learn the importance of being a good parents.
Thanks for the nice comment in the end

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Chitra,

See we did our duty as parents, and now we must enjoy our lives by blogging, watching movies, suduko, without any worries.

And that one point u make is very true in some cases, where a mother is encouraged to do her high powered job, and the MIL takes care of the grandchild.In that case, the money is involved of the wife and is needed to run the home comfortably, so thats another issue altogether.

But as a grandparent i would want my married kids to take care of their own kids, if i would not need their income.In my case, we are comfortable, and blogging is heaven,and i am having the ballof a time inlife these days.So who has the time for babysitting for our kids.Not me in any case.HAHA.I would rather blog with pretty ladies like u all here on Indus, what say No offence mean, just a silly joke.

Regards.kamal

Hi AC,
Very nice topic.
As many suggested, GP's will be happy/excited to come to US for the first time.
Later, they would feel hesitant. And it also depends on the GP's liking to babysit or not.
I have seen many families getting their parents (either side) to baby sit, do all house hold work.
Apart from this, I have seen one family, who makes their mom and dad to baby sit other kids and earn thru them.
I always hated to send my kids to such families for baby sitting.

Regards.

Dear AC,
You have come up with a very relevant topic for discussion.I have seen a mom who bursted into tears saying that she is ashamed of her daughter who makes her baby sit & do all the works & never lend a helping hand. In India they will be on their own enjoying their freedom ,visiting relatives,temples etc.Here they seem to be more depressed because of their ill health,loneliness & extreme climate.
But there are two sides of this issue.I know a family where the in-laws insisted on visiting US for the simple reason the DIL's parents had a chance to visit US for her delivery & after care.The FIL is a heart patient & MIL cannot even stand the winter in India.Now they are sitting inside the house while the son& DIL go to work & the grandson is going to a day care.They dont have the health to take care of themselves,then how come the grandson?Can you imagine the plight of a couple who had to bring both their moms to help with the delivery & what happened further is left to your imagination.

love,
ammu

Dear Ammu,

I will adress this to u.Chitra i hope u dont mind this.

I know someone whose one son uis in the States.He and wife make it a point to go for 3/4 months every year, and this guy is a pain in the ass really.I know him well, and i know what a burden he must be on his kids.

Another kid is a govt official, and he goes there too every few months, just to have a good time, and taking advantage of all the official cars and other amentites that officers enjoy.

So u have all kinds of people really.Why not leave yr kids alonme and let them enjoy their life, and let them life life their own way.

and as u righjtly said, when they cant take of themselves what will they take care of their kids and grandkids.

Regards.kamal

Hello Kamalji,
I agree with you, few people are really pain. They think that its kids duty to take care of them (I 100% agree to it), but they should not expect too much in this stressed life. Even, they should help in any forms and not just demanding all the times.
Regards.

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Ammu,

I will adress this to u.Chitra i hope u dont mind this.

I know someone whose one son uis in the States.He and wife make it a point to go for 3/4 months every year, and this guy is a pain in the ass really.I know him well, and i know what a burden he must be on his kids.

Another kid is a govt official, and he goes there too every few months, just to have a good time, and taking advantage of all the official cars and other amentites that officers enjoy.

So u have all kinds of people really.Why not leave yr kids alonme and let them enjoy their life, and let them life life their own way.

and as u righjtly said, when they cant take of themselves what will they take care of their kids and grandkids.

Regards.kamal

Dear Kamalji,
If every one was thoughtful enough this world would have been a better place to live.But its always the other way round and hence all these


love,
ammu

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Ammu,

I will adress this to u.Chitra i hope u dont mind this.

I know someone whose one son uis in the States.He and wife make it a point to go for 3/4 months every year, and this guy is a pain in the ass really.I know him well, and i know what a burden he must be on his kids.

Another kid is a govt official, and he goes there too every few months, just to have a good time, and taking advantage of all the official cars and other amentites that officers enjoy.

So u have all kinds of people really.Why not leave yr kids alonme and let them enjoy their life, and let them life life their own way.

and as u righjtly said, when they cant take of themselves what will they take care of their kids and grandkids.

Regards.kamal

AC,
This thread reminded me of a thing, my mom used to say...Gents have retirement from work but not the ladies..it continues till they pass away...
but that is the harsh reality now...
as the GPs are old, they are not able to adjust to the weather, language (even they know english), the new environment, the il over here (whether it is sil or dil)...

as you had pointed out, they need rest, don't bother them, let them be at peace and enjoy life from their view point..
About me I don't know, my daughters have already reserved a place in their house to look after their children..by turn...how is that?
These things are possible only when our health permits...

sriniketan

Originally Posted by Devika Menon

Dear Anandchithra,

You have stirred a wonderful topic here!!

This is a very common case these days with each trying to make a career . The parents have to bear the child rearing and like you said , it is definitely very strenuous to them.
I have known so many GP's habing to forvefully take up this task.Infact a very close family friend had to go through this. This uncle is in his late 70's and the aunt in her late 60's. Uncle has just undergone a bypss . The daughter is a doc in the US .Shes got 2 kids.Her inlaws and this couple take 6 months duty alternatively in reatin the kids ,as she doesnt have the time. Now this uncle just confessed to me that this is the limit. ,"When do we live for ourselves . All through our life we have been struggling to raise our children and then in our old age when we want to relax , the kids hand over their grandchildren to us, and we are left with no option. They do not get maids in US and the salary is very high to pay so the easiest way is to catch your parents for this. We now combine as servants, babysitters and Grandparents, Horrible existence" . I was shocked to hear him because generally he is a very calm person and then I relised the seriousness of the situation.
A friend of mine a Manager of an IT company just told me the other day, "My Mom stays with me. She cooks ,and takes care of the baby. If I were to keep a maid she would charge me a whopping Rs.4000" I was ashamed of her to say the least and when I looked at Aunty she was almost working like a maid.

Its a very sad state AC. And when these efforts are not lauded then the world is a living hell. I hope these youngsters realize what they are doing and make some effort to easen the lives of their parents rather than burdening them.
Oh AC such a topic I could go on and on ,but I would not outstay my welcome!

Love,
Devika

Dear Devika
Forgive me for replying so late. you can see clearly I am not as organised as you are:)
Truly I feel for the elderly parents. They are coerced and blackmailed emotionally by these youngsters. My mil spend approx. 20 or so years taking care of her grandchildren from her daughters'. my hubby and i used to watch how she ran behind them and how she took care and how she fed. she put her heart into it. on her death bed her wish was to see her daughters. not one went either before she passed away or after. as usual myhusband and I watched that happening too. Thats probably why i react so much for this. Yesterday as soon as I heard these old parents coming all the way I felt sad for them. The lady who told me is co-sisterinlaw to the invitee couple. and you know how one brothers family cannot comment on such situations... maybe i should stop rambling.. thanks for adding yur comment:)