Atleast will You?

Perhaps some may consider this as an odd thought eating my brains. say waht you may. But I ned to express my feeling on certain customs.

I feel much embittered to see a Hindu lady being tortured by certain rituals on the 10th day of her husband's demise.
When I think of this ritual, when I hear some demise, i feel depressed.
Why should this happen? What is the social implication it's going to create?
Why not allow the lady to be as natural as she could be?

Some of them say "Not that I like, but I need to survive within the community.
I also know some women who has all guts and care hoot to all these and say my loss is my loss. I don't need to exhibit that". Then they are tagged!

It is shocking to see a person whom u happen to see till yesterday transformed into a totally into a person who looks no more charming.
I have one maternal aunt who is very pretty, intelligent, highly efficent. When she married my mama she was just an ordinary village girl. By her sheer intelligence and urge to lead a successful life worked hard.She did compete with her male counterpart and always had a separate identity.
She lives in Delhi. Yet after my uncle's demise she too had to toe the line. She could be different if she wanted. Yet she preferred to do things like an ordinary lady.
Perhaps it is this incident which haunts me through and through.I wasn't there. I would have tried my level best to avoid those unpleasantries.
Dear friends a small request- Pl.try to discourage such unpleasant actions which would indicate a woman's loss of her spouse among people whom you know. kanaka

dear kanaka,

good thought.If each one of us can avoid this in our own families,we can erase these customs.In our family, we avoided this for my athai.Thanks to my dear father.

we have changed a lot with time.But still in many families,they follow customs like this.

Thanks for the Feedback. kanaka

Kanaka,
Nice thought....after my grandpa passed away, my grandma didn't dress well, no more jewelry and if compelled she says, I don't have interest in those...but due to my aunt's adamant nature, she wears colorful clothes, keeps a small bindi but doesn't wear any jewelry, but she did wear when we visited her from here...whenever she meets us she does that but other times she doesn't.....
we had to make them understand too....

But these things are changing nowadays, be it for good....

sriniketan

Nice topic Kanaka
I have seen few deaths in my family but when a male demises the lady is taken more care, as she has already lost her husband, she is allowed to do what she wants to and her wishes are given more important then anyone. Might be our elders have practiced this way to encourage her to start leaving her own life, and make her feel that even if the male member is not there you are still important to this family. Even when my grandfather died this was done with my grand mother.
So importance of a woman in our family is going on from ages. Becoz I have always seen a woman respected. However she is..................

Dear,
You said it. Thinks do change but it is a slow transition.
Many ladies keeep saying"Avaro illai --- - - -- -. Do men think in those terms?
But one thing I appreciate in Indian men is it is they who have been instrumental in bringing a new wave. Normally radical changes in our condition has been brought by them.
I have a book by name'Philosophical trends in Maharashtra'. We need to salute Agarkar, Gopal Joshi etc. Ofcourse who can forget Bharatiyar.
Unfortunately its only a woman harming another woman . Only the format cahnges.
Usually a lady prefers to work with a gentleman and men also prefer men. Never a lady. So who is at fault? ha ha ha ha ha ! kanaka