Seeking A Father Figure In Your Husband??

Sunkan,
what you had conveyed here is the reality where some or most of the couples face during or even after so many years of marriage..
I am lucky to say that my hubby doesn't compare me with his mom, heyyyyy!
Me too not with my father, Yes...

as in those days women tend to be inside the house, so whom she sees is her father or brothers...where she forms an opinion about the would-be..
but now-a-days, they want their would be to be like a cine hero....

This reminds me of a story in the Puranas where Lord Ganesha seeking a bride in the qualities of His mother Goddess Parvathi, remained a brahmachari under the tree..

sriniketan

Originally Posted by Mindian

hi sunkan,
nice post and very rightly said... a girls first hero is her father...when we were newly married i too have felt so many times my father helps so much at home and my husband does not but now i think he has changed a lot and that nobody can take care of me as much as he.....
he too used to say in the beginning nobody can beat his mothers cooking and now when my daughter tells that I am the best..he agrees but claims that I learnt all that from his mother only...now what can i say to that..I will honestly admit to u that it is true ...

mindi

Thanku mindi,
happy u agree with me here, and the experience that we face as woman never being credited except for the post of mother which none can take away...sunkan

Originally Posted by Sriniketan

Sunkan,
what you had conveyed here is the reality where some or most of the couples face during or even after so many years of marriage..
I am lucky to say that my hubby doesn't compare me with his mom, heyyyyy!
Me too not with my father, Yes...

as in those days women tend to be inside the house, so whom she sees is her father or brothers...where she forms an opinion about the would-be..
but now-a-days, they want their would be to be like a cine hero....

This reminds me of a story in the Puranas where Lord Ganesha seeking a bride in the qualities of His mother Goddess Parvathi, remained a brahmachari under the tree..

sriniketan

dear srini,
here there is no anda kalam and inda kalam yekkalamum appa appa daan and none can beat his image why because u r the princess and i dont think a man can make u feel the way as ur appa can..have seen of generations here and the fight between the couples, my husband would never think i have a mind of my own, always my father used to be credited for that, it is his complex not mine, so even if you try to priorities still the ego of men one is jammed among them and their ego..sunkan

Dear Sundari,

Your posted reminded me of my daughter.

When she was 5year old she used to say " I will do dum dum (marriage) with my father. May be at that age they have no clear idea of relationships.

One day my daughter went running to my neighbour's house saying"Aunty auntyodu appa vanda chu".(Actually it was her husband who had come for lunch).

My neighbour just married was in Goa. We can imagine her home sickness. She could not believe yet she came out to see her father.
When she realised that it was her husband she was a bit sad. The man consoled her saying"Afetr all Rohini is a small child. What does she know"

Few years back when we went to invite the same neighbour for Rohini's wedding while accepting the card the lady said"So Rohini when is your Appa coming to Goa" and we all laughed!

True girls do have father fixation. Freudian Theory. He goes to the extent of saying Father husbands the daughter. Anyway I will not be able to digest that.
It is also said if there is no cordial realtion among couple some ladies cry on their Son's shoulders.(Ofcourse no sexual overtone please) They find substitute in their sons. kanaka

Originally Posted by kanaka

Dear Sundari,

Your posted reminded me of my daughter.

When she was 5year old she used to say " I will do dum dum (marriage) with my father. May be at that age they have no clear idea of relationships.

One day my daughter went running to my neighbour's house saying"Aunty auntyodu appa vanda chu".(Actually it was her husband who had come for lunch).

My neighbour just married was in Goa. We can imagine her home sickness. She could not believe yet she came out to see her father.
When she realised that it was her husband she was a bit sad. The man consoled her saying"Afetr all Rohini is a small child. What does she know"

Few years back when we went to invite the same neighbour for Rohini's wedding while accepting the card the lady said"So Rohini when is your Appa coming to Goa" and we all laughed!

True girls do have father fixation. Freudian Theory. He goes to the extent of saying Father husbands the daughter. Anyway I will not be able to digest that.
It is also said if there is no cordial realtion among couple some ladies cry on their Son's shoulders.(Ofcourse no sexual overtone please) They find substitute in their sons. kanaka

physical relation is with the age and comes once is a life time but when u seek either the daughter or the son the pride as a mother inside wells up so much we never are bothered what others think but yes i have seen my mom till date, she is blind and would be holding our had while walking over suddenly if my brother would come and hold her hand immediately she will remove her hand in fact just pull out with force and to show she is confident and happy with him guiding her...sunkan

Dear S,

this happens after a long time now we are looking here at young couples who keep having differences

I agree to disagree with you. in some cases this equation never changes. Even if the wife is aged 60 yrs, still mothers are being praised and none can equal them. Maybe in my case God was simply great !

Originally Posted by lalitha shivaguru

Dear S,



I agree to disagree with you. in some cases this equation never changes. Even if the wife is aged 60 yrs, still mothers are being praised and none can equal them. Maybe in my case God was simply great !

hey lalitha,
ur touching mother mantel maa which will never change in any age, while my husband was dying he saw his mom standing next to me and kept asking who this lady is behind u, only later felt it should be his mom whom he never saw as she died when he was just 10days, so u c the mother comes even after death in search of its child...how can anybody give up illiya..sunkan

After reading your post, I only remember one phrase

"Expectations are the ones that are emotionally driven and when the emotions are controlled, the expectations would also come uner control"

Not only the newly wed should control their expectations, also the newly wed's parents should control as well.

The in laws should not expect their son / daughter in laws to reflect themselves / their sons / husband or daughters / wife.

Individuals should be treated according to their own pluses and minuses. Also when we try and see a complete picture we will be in a better position to control our emotions.

MFL