How about marriage this way

Find an auspicious day. Invite very near relatives and people who are very close to you. It should not be more than 50. Go to a temple. Need a priest? Fine. Do all the religious rites fully aware of the significance with less noise. With reverence take the blessings of all around. Spread a lavish warm hearted luncheon to all.

Let the bride spent not more than20-25000RS on her dress. Four bangles one good chain and Mangal sutra.
In the evening let us give our daughters a good farewell by handing over them a key to a decent flat and a vehicle.

All other extravaganza will be forgotten by others the moment they leave the hall.
From the next day reality starts showing its face. No of sarees worn bangles worn, money spend on lighting mandapams, type of cuisines served doesn't matter from the next day.
Reality is different from the chakka chakka which is seen on the day of marriage. Sometimes even that is farce. There will be a lot of heartburns.

Will any one of my co-bloggers would like to try this way?

I know it needs a lot of mental courage conviction and tell the world"Yes Iam like this only. It's for you to accept or reject me as my friend or relative. Pl.express ur sincere comments. You can be critical. Any critical view is acceptable to me. kanaka

Hi kanaka,

I agree with your idea of simple marriage, but not with the gift of a decent flat.Flats are 3 to 4 times costlier to an extravagant wedding.I guess those parents who can afford to gift a flat to the newly weds would not mind spending on the wedding.

For most people,marriage happens only once in their lifetime.So, I feel, it should be a memorable day.Since, this would depend on the perception of individuals as to what could be memorable for them, I guess the bride and the groom should decide how the wedding goes and the way it is conducted.This is lacking in our society.

Next I feel, both bride and groom side should share the expenses.It is unfair to ask the bride´s side to bear all the expenses.I would go to the extent of saying that the groom should bear the expenses.The bride´s family is giving off their daughter in marriage.Nothing else should be expected of them.

I really wish to see this happen in my lifetime.A lot of things will have to change in our society for this to happen.

Good topic.
Waiting to see the responses.

Thanks and regards,

Yamuna.

I liked ur style. Thanks for the response.

The lakhs and lakhs which we empyt into the drainage can always be atleast an initail investment to the flat. I mean a modest one and also to furnish our houses with the basic minimum without allowing anybody else to interfere.

Believe me when the bride's family does a bit ofinvestment they try to dominate and vice versa.

Many marriages have wreaked due to interference from parents in the name of filial affection.

I admire your idea of sharing the expenses. This is a recent phenomenon among the iyers. . Otherwise it was the girl's family facing the brunt.

We call ourselves a developing country but we put to shame the so called developing countries in sqandering. kanaka

Hi kanaka,

Yes, what you say is true.....
For the bride´s parents, the expenses do not stop with the wedding.....it just keeps continuing in the form of seer varisai and all......
If everyone decides to go for a simple and memorable wedding with only near and dear ones in the guest list, so much money could be saved.And all this money could really be an investment that could be more useful to the couple.

I also feel, every family should donate to the poor and needy on such occasion.The kind of satisfaction that comes from feeding the hungry is far more than an elaborate wedding would give.
With rising inflation, the number of poor is only going to rise.We must use such occasions to do our part in sharing our wealth with the needy.The wishes that the poor will give will stay with the couple for a lifetime.The material gift they would receive, would perish at some point or other.

Regards,
Yamuna.

Dear Kanaka Ma'am & Yamusurma Ma'am,

I find this as an excellent topic for discussion.

I suggest that marriage function should be made simple and both the parties must share the expenses. All the relatives and friends should be invited and served with a meal (whatever it is). The part where expenses should be cut short are jewellery and extremely expensive clothes.

In this busy world a marriage function has become a place where you can meet all your relatives and friends at least once or twice a year.

Luv and prayers......
divya......

hi all,

nice topic...mine was an arranged marriage 20 years ag
o and my husband and inlaws wanted a very simple marriage with just a reception..there were absolutely no demands or interference from them in any way...but i am the only daughter and my parents wanted a typical 3 day affair so we had quite a grand wedding....
again my husband wud be happy with a simple one for my daughter i think but here i have already started dreaming of the most imp day in my life now...my daughters wedding and will want it to be a grand one....agreed it wud make sense to gift them a flat but whats the hurry..let them both save and have the pleasure in building
their nest together.....

mindi

Hi, this is padma.
I know a fren at b'lore who got her wedding done this way. you know what!!! Parents of both the boy n the girl accpeted to conducting the wedding in a temple, inviting only the near n dear ones. Photos of their wedding were sent to other relatives. And the Xtra money that wud have been spent in case of a traditional grand wedding was split into 2 halves. One was distributed to an orphanage nearby and the other was used to buy a decent flat for the couple to live - a very nice wedding gift I must say.

Dear Divya and all

Lunch and dinner to any no. and any no.of times is never complained in Indian culture. U have read my mind. Extravaganza on clothes and jewellery is awful. All these Gold and Pattu sarees are kept in cupboards and lockers sometime never to be worn atleast for some time. How many of us can wear those Pattu sarees on regular basis.
A bit of discretion on our part we will find it easy to marry off our daughters. No need to advertise"Save a girl child" also the social disparity will become less.

Don't you think if such issues are taken seriously many of the families will sigh relief.

Another observation of mine the more economically backward u are more the extravaganza.
For extremely rich people marriage is an exclusive private affair. The display of vulgarity is at the cost of we tax payers.

These days the No.of advertisements for swrana abharanm is unbearable.

We are inviting extremic tendencies into our society.

Gold stolen from temples. bank lockers looted are only a reflection of a sick society.
Moreover it is the educated class which is gulllible to such vanity. the uneducated are more practical. But who can tolerate my neighbour's filthy show when my family is starved to death or dying for want of medicines.

Where are the society's priority gone?
I may not celebrate Tamil New Year or Vishu or Pongal or even Diwali. But if I can be of any use to my fellow beings that will be the biggest celebration I can think of.

Iam provoked by some of the posts in this site which made me write this.
Forums are not meant for writing things which otherwise we would speak in person.
I feel it is a platform for creativity, exchange of ideas, improvising our perspectives ,and to remain informed. Do comment without hesistation. kanaka

I agree that this is the best way to have a simple wedding with just the near and dear ones...but today there are so many youngsters too who feel that this is one in a lifetime ocassion so lets indulge.

And not to talk about the north indian and gujju weddings...the food menu is so large, its a criminal waste of money. Mine was a simple wedding, but since our family is so big there were about 250-300 guests even though they were only near and dear ones.

Not to mention the money spent on dress. These days with so many different functions/parties and a different attire for each one. Instead of decreasing all this people are crossing limits on such ocassions.

roopa.

Dear Kanaka...

I jumped into this arena after reading your initial post, have not gone through the thread yet and am not sure what others' responses are.
As for me, I am with you 100 percent! Only, it is my idea of a good and happy Wedding ceremony. Unfortunately, the reality seems to be different.
For one thing, the wishes of the actual bridal couple should be considered. And today, even here in the west, there is a lot of expenditure even before the marriage ceremony like bridal shower, bachelorette parties etc etc. Add to it the Indian take like Sangeet, Haldi-Mehndi do's. You have done away with few thousands there itself.
Next, if I could get a 'sambandhi' like you...(!)...that is, if like minded families come together and can agree on it, then it is possible. If one party wants grandeur, what is the other to do? You cannot hurt anyone's feelings or sentiments. People go overboard in the name of cutoms and traditions! Even in the western countries, people go to outlandish venues to have theme weddings.
As in many cases, I see no end to this expenditure.
But if I can have my way and say, yes, I would opt for a simple ceremony respecting all the vedic rites in the company of very close relatives and few friends...if wishes were horses!!
Also, you are so right when you say that the rich make it a private affair and the not so affluent go out of their boundaries to be extavagant!
Hope the young really can think differently and initiate a change in these traditons.
Here's hoping!

L, Kamla