To understand a woman better.....your help needed!

Dear Vanaja,
a very good cause. I shall share some of my experiences and observations with you.
The first thing a woman faces is that she is not treated as a human being-on par with her spouse. She is expected to adjust to her married family in all respects. this may be changing now, but still that will be very less percentage.
They don't have the freedom to take decisions, major ones, regarding their lives or their families' or their careers.
There are only a few Indira Nuye's, just a handful, where are a woman is capable of many more things. Multitasking is a special trait of women, men are not good at that. Still, she is never appreciated for the things she does for her family.
Financial independance is zero- in most cases. Even if she earns well, she does not have the freedom to spent that as per her wishes.
If she is not earning, then she doesn't have any say in those matters.
The main problem is the mindset of our menfolk. They are made to believe that they are the masters and they have the right to do anything in this world. This superiority complex makes their ego so big that they do not listen to the person who is their better half.
Women need to learn from the media- first of all to waste their time in the worthless programmes like serials and reality shows etc. They should be taught to make use of their time in a constructive way. They should also learn about how to bring up their children as good human beings. They should be learning to bring themselves to a higher mental level.

1) What are the questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations does women face today?

2) What are the things women would like to learn/understand through media (TV & Radio)?



1) This has been an age old problem with none understanding their contributions to the society now.
2) We have educated them [girls] and this goes to waste when a man plans marriage life with what he thinks is right kind of attitude.
3) High education and good jobs with wonderful pay packet is only materialistic improvement in woman’s life, she is a social animal who would love more affection and attention with all these, and one must not treat them with the money and status in mind.
4) In marriage men can never take it when a woman is highly educated and getting a better pay packet, so allows his parents to dig into it without her concern and treats her like a thing that is not called for.
5) Major differences come when the girl wants to support her parents then the man wants that she should leave the job and stay at home and take care of him. Live on the pittance given.
6) The load of work is too much now on the ladies who are working in mnc, have to face the timings, stretched emotion to prove her abilities everywhere thereby a lot of neglected home front crops up.
7) Children are unable to cope up with the differences and grow wild without any supervision; emotionally and mentally as parents are not available to them in the evenings during study and tuitions with so many teachers with varied opinions lead them to grow in a suppressed atmosphere which has its own effect.
Ladies mingling with the friends bring about a solace but has its own reputation of spoiling the atmosphere that Indians are so used to many years, suspicion in relation, fidelity in question.
9) They even get murdered even after compromising as they are unable to take it any more..
10) Parents of the groom also have their dreams that they would get to live luxuriously when the dil comes and she should work in office as well as the home front only the pay package has changed which invariably has to be given to the in laws.



2) What are the things women would like to learn/understand through media (TV & Radio)?

• 1.At present the media is not right for anyone, it is spreading more ill treatments as the only outlet which is not healthy.
• 2.How to tackle suppression which is being considered a health issue so no one takes it seriously.
• 3.There is no programmed feature that it is healthy and family watch together feel good laugh and discusses sometime the issues.
• 4.There are yet programmes to come which show woman in a better light.
• even the politics is not an affair to reckon with we have who is digging whom more rather than what are the best contributions and when the woman reservation is going to come into fore.
• 5.In kerala there is not a single woman leader because the men think so.
• Media should tackle all issues not only as an issue but a solution should be presented for people to see the alternative.
• 6.Good enlightenment about the female fetus and the origin should be wide spread and the solution too, if education, occupation, standard of living should be attended too where woman are concerned.
• 7.The age old system of hindus and their heir has to be made easy for the woman to live equally not only in papers but in implementation too, interference by the government if need necessary while the will is being made.
• 8.I feel if women are given an opportunity to work from home once the child arrives there could be a better atmosphere as she will be present in most place of issue.
• 9.Rape and crime on woman to be tackled severely it should be non bailabale offence.

these are my opinion sunkan

Dear Vanaja
I have entered late.. so most of the points have been already discussed by our ILites..

my 2 cents
I would call it challenges & reponsibilities faced by women in a broader sense instead of questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations .

challenges & reponsibilities :

1.The women belonging to the lower income group constantly struggling to safe gaurd their earnings from drunkard husbands to manage home affairs smoothly and make ends meet.

2. A Prospective bride especially the only child to parents indicating clearly well in advance to the prospective groom that she is responsible for her parents welfare and would continue to support them financially and morally after marriage.

3. The mother of teens striving hard to strike the right chord with children, trying to guide them, steer them in the right path in a friendly manner and most importantly trying to be a good friend in whom the child confides.

Learn through media
1.How to use mobile phones and internet effectively to protect/safe guard one's self from falling into traps.

2.There are many rules and laws that protect womens' rights.We should be educated on those.

3.The actual difference between real life and reel life..These days young girls fall prey to temptations like "Cinema opportunities" and run away from home in search of lucrative openings in media world.Awareness is to be created.Not to
trust strangers is an important lesson to be taught through illustrations.

will come back in case I bump into something innovative.

Regards
Honeybee

Vanaja,
good idea...

My 2 cents are:

1. as most of women handle both office work and house work --they do face dilemmas in both the fields.
2. unable to have quality time with the family.
3.regarding finances too..related to the present and future days..
4. how to deal with the teenagers of this age...and the like...
5. How we are going to be in the future?

Any time they had no answers for many things, like why me, how come I don't know that before, how can I handle those problems before and after it occurs...etc.

Mental health---here I am talking about stress and how to overcome it practically,
Looking after our own health in spite of the heavy schedule..

These things can be discussed on TV and radio...

sriniketan

VAnaja,

Back...media is a powerful tool..

So if it was me..I would like you to give programmes that would bring out a role model example, and also other things...in the same way.

We have lot of SHG schemes, which could really make a difference in the life of a lot of women..which does not reach them. If it could go to them with examples of successful groups and also successful individuals it would work wonders.

The workings and procedures for setting up small scale industries or also soho's or small businesses again with good examples.

When it comes to teenager and handling them, it would be better to have the views from them.,the problems faced by the teenagers, the pressure, the circumstances, the environment and also what changes they want..it could be an eye opener to all parents...

When it comes to parents, there is no strict rules of parenting, trials and errors..but even for those if there was a guidance in a perspective way taking examples of handling normal kids, hyper active kids, special children...because many parents cannot identify whether their child is a special child and torture the kids..It would help if they get pointers in that direction.

When it comes to savings and investment, there should be shows on budgeting,small savings, features on the power of compounding..as the lower strata has to understand a 10 rs/daily..over a period of 20 years compounds into a good amount of money. this could be done with examples.

When it comes to women,understanding what is emotional and physical abuse..most of the women realise abuse very late.. also what are legal pointers that act in favour of a women in case of abuse be it at home, outside or workplace.

Lot of people stay in marriages just because of the stigma of the society and the other factor said is for the sake of children..maybe discussions on this could help a lot of people.

Social behaviour in general could be discussed..etiquettes, moral and social.

Last but not least educating a healthy mind set up in the women folk, that they have the power to be what they want and need not be dependent in any sense..

Educating a woman educates the whole family. So the available education loans and special schemes to educate the girl child could be highlighted..

Let me come back with more..though it is going to be a repeti tions..you are taking a survey of it..so i think you would not mind..

you could have appended a poll to the same...so that people who don't wish to write would have just voted...

Dear Vanaja,
I am attempting to answer only the first question here. In this forum, I am already conscious of feeling the odd person out for obvious reasons.
What are the questions, dilemmas, conflicts, unusual situations does women face today?

In my younger days, the joint family system provided much security which cannot be equalled now.Even if the husband had to be away from home on work for long spells, he did not have to worry about the welfare of his wife and children.Vice versa.
The children had less distractions from media & there was more social interaction with the neighbouring children. Playing outside the house was a routine thing - now do we allow the children to step out of the house for fear of their safety?
Physical activities were more; now computer games have taken their place.Today's children are made to feel secluded more by the parents, than being left on their own.
A working woman's woes are many. Besides cooking dinner after returning from office, she has to sit with the children for their homeworks, take them to various classes which have become part of today's life. The less we talk about social interaction with neighbours & relatives, the better.Very often, a family becomes an island sadly.Many children do not even know their uncles, aunts & cousins. Where is the time for all that? Even if there has been an unpleasant showdown professionally, she is not able to "carry it over" home, for fear of her showing the irritation on the family.The tension gets gradually built up & she goes in for psychosomatic diseases which manifest as migraine, spondulosis, pms etc.
Promotion in career, higher & higher position and salary, own flats amply furnished - all these come with a premium, sadly !
But I feel, we have reached a point of no return & I would not like to go on & on for fear of sounding impractical & ofcourse, old fashioned, which I am.
Love,
Chithra.

dear ilites,

you all have come up with "excellent" suggestions.

shanvy had mentioned that i would have better conducted a poll on this topic. that was a good suggestion. but in a "poll" i may not get elaborate answers and deeper meanings as you all have given here.

most of you have given similar suggestions. and few of you were really outstanding in your views and ideas.

thanks a lot.

seeing all your replies, i place a question of my own here -

Do women get offended when people (let me call "people" in general) say to a man - Don't be like a "Pottai" (a gender abuse)? Can I mention it as a gender abuse?

What are the situations and difficulties that a woman face or kept aside when it comes to gender abuse?

i am concluding my queries with this. further replies for the above and for the previous questions are welcome.

Hello Vanaja,

You already have some great responses here in the thread. My response is mainly with the second questions.

I think Media can play a big role in creating awareness in Women Health issues. I know probably only Breast cancer has received a lot of attention, but things such as, Menopause, Post partum depression, osteoporosis etc.... have not been covered. Yes people generally know what is menopause, and how it happens etc... but are families really equipped with handling this? The period is long one , and with the nuclear families of today, it becomes improtant that husbands know all the changes happening in the woman so they can avert a crisis if needed.

Women's health is an area where a lot can be done by the media .....

With regard to your question about " don't be like a potttai"! I may be in the minority, but i really don't get offended. May about 50 to 60 years ago, this statement may be demeaning to men in the sense that women in those days mostly were dependents, but that has changed now. It just the men are taking a long time to realise that it is actually a " compliment " to them when they are called pottais!! We can create an uproar about it if we want, but then we can use that time more fruitfully is my two cents!.

V

Hi vanaja,

A very interesting topic my friend,

I think i agree with devika here...it is difficult to take up any career which is interesting to us cause of family issues....clash in work timings or children welfare all that plays a major role so one hell of a dilemma and ofcourse would love to work from home but the investment input is just beyond the purse strings....

will get back to you on more info when the grey cells really get going...

warm wishes,

aqua.

Hi Vanaja,

Sorry for stepping in late! This is a wonderful post with equally wonderful replies from all the IL's.

I have seen that many IL's have given the dilemma's / situations a woman goes thru post marriage / kids and I totally agree with them. Hence I am putting in my thoughts on those women's dilemma's prior to marriage -
1) While studying -
a) Am I choosing the correct line so as to give a career, which is suitable for a 'woman' - because there are some stereo-type careers for women ....
Yes; I do agree there are women who are taking up new avenues which were only dominated by men some time ago...but I am sure they can be counted easily without the help of a machine! I had a room-mate who opted for mechanical engg, nearly 2 decades ago, with an ambition to do 'aeronautical engg'.... but how many women take up mechanical even now?

2) While choosing the jobs --
a) Will this job require me to re-locate from my current place? If yes, will I be allowed to move out, where would I stay etc etc.
I have come across several young girls who have completed their engineering wanted a posting in the same city where they lived all thru their lives....
Yes; But we do see a lot of women from rural areas moving to cities for studies / jobs; from backward states to other states with cities which have lots of oppurtunities.... I am sure each one of them will be handling a dozen conflicts while taking such decisions...

COming to your 2nd question on the expectations from the media:

a) Various career opportunities - both in urban & rural fronts
b) How to become an entepreneur
c) Orientation to financial aspects
d) First-hand experience of those women who have made it to the top

There can be many; will add on to this when I think more; But the least I would expect from media is - stop degrading women - especially in serials, moveis, ads, events etc.

Please keep us posted on the progress of your project!

Cheers!