Discipline Has Changed

Dear AC akka,

Sorry for the late reply.... I was debating whether I should reply or not, as discipline and me are too far away...

I am strongly in favour of disciplining the kids... I feel parents should not interfere in the school teacher taking action for wrong doing... I normally dont interfere...

But I also feel that the Discipline starts from home... The parents should inculcate the discipline... But most of the parents dont do that... I can pardon all the mistakes done by my kids, I will accept if they dont get good marks also... but if the misbehave, they had it... They also know that... The kids should have some fear in themselves...

But in todays world, since in most of the cases bothe the parents are working... they dont have much of a time (forget quality and all) for the kids... They feel that satisfying the demands of the kid will keep the kid happy... But in the process, they develop the adamency and arrogance of the kids... There are also parents who fee that their kids are GOD and cannot allow anybody to say anything... I have seen kids ill treating the mom or screaming/shouting and misbehaving.... It is not the mistake of the kid... It is the mistake of the parents....

The famous song... Endhakkuzhandhayum nallak kuzhandhai than mannil pirakkiyley, adhu nallavaravadhum, theeyavaravadhum annai valarkaiylley....

Similarly, in todays work pressure and the demands... the teachers go overboard... There are teachers who abuse the children and killing the kids by stating punishment etc... These sort of teachers should be taken for task... Because of these people the whole fraternity gets a bad reputation....

So, we should be careful as to what is happening without really interfering...

Veda

hi everyone,

nice thread, every child is unique,we have to keep this in mind when dealing with our kids, nieces, nephews or others children. and also believe childs first teacher is mother. i was shy and sensitive child and schooling was in all girls catholic convent. though i was acadamically good and talented, was not coming forward for any activities nor even lifting my hand even though i knew answer. when i was in 2 nd or 3rd grade had candy in my bag and couldnt resist eating it, i was caught by my teacher she hold my arms dragged me out of class made me spit out candy and dragged me back to class and made me stand on bench for whole period and told next teacher what i did and i stood for next class too. once class was over my classmates teased me for having punishment, coming home told mom and she told its becaue u ate candy so you have to be punished u r teacher knows better. from that day till my high school lost my confidence and remember my hands shaking when my teacher spoke to me.a nd i made sure i made no mistake.
whereas my son is social, gogetter and mischief sometimes and over confident.
this incident took place last summer in our neighbourhood, my son went uot to play with his friends as usual, after 10 mts he came back crying and told that 2 boys treated him badly, i consoled him and dint pay much attention kids will be ok after couple of days. then couple came and knocked my door and said , we saw what they did for u r kid, they poured mud on his head and pushing him and teasing him loudly by the time we reached there u r son was running back home, its not good how they r treating u r son we will come with you , come, we will warn their parents, i was shocked and felt bad for not listening to my son.

hi everyone,

nice thread, every child is unique,we have to keep this in mind when dealing with our kids, nieces, nephews or others children. and also believe childs first teacher is mother. i was shy and sensitive child and schooling was in all girls catholic convent. though i was acadamically good and talented, was not coming forward for any activities nor even lifting my hand even though i knew answer. when i was in 2 nd or 3rd grade had candy in my bag and couldnt resist eating it, i was caught by my teacher she hold my arms dragged me out of class made me spit out candy and dragged me back to class and made me stand on bench for whole period and told next teacher what i did and i stood for next class too. once class was over my classmates teased me for having punishment, coming home told mom and she told its becaue u ate candy so you have to be punished u r teacher knows better. from that day till my high school lost my confidence and remember my hands shaking when my teacher spoke to me.a nd i made sure i made no mistake.
whereas my son is social, gogetter and mischief sometimes and over confident.
this incident took place last summer in our neighbourhood, my son went uot to play with his friends as usual, after 10 mts he came back crying and told that 2 boys treated him badly, i consoled him and dint pay much attention kids will be ok after couple of days. then couple came and knocked my door and said , we saw what they did for u r kid, they poured mud on his head and pushing him and teasing him loudly by the time we reached there u r son was running back home, its not good how they r treating u r son we will come with you , come, we will warn their parents, i was shocked and felt bad for not listening to my son.

i went to those boys[brothers] home and knocked the door, an old lady came and i told these boys what they did to my son is not proper and asked them this should not happen again, suddenly a woman came from inside blasted at me said that i have no right to tell her or her mom anything as they are not parent of these boys and she is girl friend of their dad, and those children are going through so much problem at home like parents are divorcing, i told where am i suppose to go then u can tell their dad and he can take care and know what his boys have done, she told noooooooooo i dont want to tell anything on boys and asked me to go away. i told i will now but if this happens again i will call 911.

so in my opinion we should talk to children and then decide how to deal. regards shweta

Veda
Even if you come in late your reply is the best shining gem.. so well said.. neatly covered all areas and all sides.. well articulated.. so glad u found time to write here:)

Thanks Shweta
You are right we do need to be involved more wit the kids and really listen to what they have to say..:)

In todays dynamic life everyone is so much under pressure, stress. Always running out of time, energy facing problems at home or at workplace that it takes its toll on our physical and mental ability.

The teachers are also so much under stress managing a huge class of 80-100 students (in many schools here in India) do they teach them or do they control those kids who distract the class??

Do the schools really have proper rules and regulations in place for the students and parents??
Are the parents aware of such things??
Are the parents and students briefed about it while enrolling in the school??
Have they agreed to the rules and regulations??
Are teachers briefed on what punishment to be given according to the severity of the mischief or mis behaviour of the student??

I too agree that giving severe punishments to more harm than good. For the first misbehaviour it has to be a warning and a note to the parents, 2nd time a small punishment but the third time the parents should be called and together decide the punishment.

Also, it can be that the student should also be talked too if they are mis-behaving or distracting the class how would they react in case they were in the teachers place.

Also, their punishment could be that they conduct one class and see how they react being a teacher and a student mis-behaving. and distracting.

Dual working parents...no time for kids as by the time they come home they are exhausted and if the kids get in their way they've had it. Be true to yourselves...how many of you spend quality time with your kids. Are you friends with your kids after a certain age??

How indulging a parent are you...to you give in to the whims and fancies of your kids or do you politely refuse things at times and make them understand why they can't have it.

How many of you have family time together??
Prayer time together??
Meals together??
Imbibe social values in your kid...
Make them understand the difference between good and bad...

Last but not the least...how secure does your child feel??

Charity always begins at home and the same goes for discipline.

Just my 2 cents.

Warm regards
Roopa.

Roopa my young friend
Hats of to you for a great reply .. I am sitting quietly taking it allin.. so very well said..WOW .. I dont hae anything to add because you have said it so eloquently and beautifully..thank u..
Of all your mentions I like the emphasis on family time and prayer time..You said right with Charity always begins at home:)

Dear AC Sweety,

I am with you.

Here back in Mumbai, most of the schools do not punish children as the parents are against it. Caning was not allowed during our times and now with the generation leap, even scolding students is taken as an offense by the parents complaining that the kid went through depression, mental agony etc...
This bar is raised with tuition teachers also. They are also helpless victims of the rules laid by the parents.
In the nutshell, the kids are having gala time.

Mals my sweethoney
I liked your reply in a nutshell

Dear Anandchitra,

Looks like you have stirred up a hornet's nest with this topic of discipline! No wonder it has not lost its momentum to this day from the initial posting! And is no mean task that it has made it to the FP of the Month nomination:)
I went through some of the reply posts too and felt relieved (I know, am being a sadist!!) to know that all is well in the world of parents and that they are still going through the same turmoil, questions and dilemmas that I went through as a parent to a school going kid!!
True that discipline has changed. Anti-authority upbringing of kids is taking firm roots. Whether it is good or bad is something that depends totally on the intelligent parenting. Like Vysan says, much depends on the way a child is brought up. But how is a parent going to influence other parents and the school authority. This is a problem that was and is and is always going to be there. I can say that with conviction!
All said and done, I am against caning. Why hit a child? Physical pain is just that, a pain. I would not want anyone to hit my kid, even a teacher. There are many other methods to reprimand.
I am all for parent-teacher meetings and conferences. There should be an open discussion and that is the only way to solve such problem children in school and guide them too. I was extremely lucky in this that the German schools advocated parent-teacher meetings and the parents were reprimanded (!) by schools if they did not attend them !! Almost every problematic situation in the school and the individual child was discussed. It was embarassing if the child happened to be yours! But, it is not how you feel that matters, it helps everyone in the end and that is important.
All the same, I am glad that my children are adults now and I can enjoy my grandkids without having to shoulder the responsibility. I wish the very best for the young parents!
Oops...that was a looong fb indeed:)

L, Kamla