Women's Day Contest...

hai ladies how about joining here to make this women's day a special occassion in a women's forum by writing about the one woman who impressed u in your life...sunkan here is mine..

an ode to my mom shanthi:

Woman’s day around and one remembers their mother first for the simple reason she is the first woman in sight for our life, how she speaks or handles things are seen by us with more interest as she is directly connected to us, we are unable to differentiate the right and wrong where she is concerned, so let me start with my mom here who was a Bengali.

She was power and magnanimous in all her nature ventures whether handling the house- hold or driving the car or taking over the gardening in our house, any thing that needs her concern she would not wait for it to come to her but would not miss out and take it over and rectify before anything untoward happens to it.

She came as the first bahu from Dacca now Bangladesh and different caste and forbidden a Brahmin house hold who held their kitchen like fort and would not allow her inside, as my grandmother believed she is from that group whom we do not allow inside the house, she tolerated all, she had her brother in laws total in six apart from her husband and a house full of men with her father in law and only one mother in law and she too would not talk to her. So the brother in laws got her break fast lunch and dinner from outside to appease her hunger.

The enduring attitude she developed stood ground, because of all these problems at home she was shunned from coming in, her father in law sent her to a farm home near devanahalli where lemon grew in plenty and farming was the complete source of income and she took to it like a fish in water and started producing farm fruits and vegetables and millets in season, staying all alone and working with the farm hand, she started sending money to her father in law after selling the products and he must be only too happy about the outcome, though not a great picture for her all alone away from her husband and away from her in law’s home and no children of her own, I don’t think she dreamt of all this loneliness when she loved my father more..

After my grandma’s death she came back and started taking care of the kitchen, though she never knew what south Indian cooking is the BILaws helped her with all the things and she used to make a chorchori [mixed veg] for her self as she was not used to all those stuff, but being a great cook herself, her bil’s started enjoying what she did instead of the sambhar and rasam and the other stuff, now my grandfather was an old school of thought and a great cook would cook something for himself, but the lads all fell for her cooking and did not mind any thing that she cooked, the youngest bil was only six yrs so got all her motherly affection poured over him a very naughty child but was pampered a lot…

Slowly all the bahus started coming one after the other, and she ruled the roost she would stay with her husband for sometime and then came over to stay with father in law for sometime, a very authoritarian woman but so filled with insecurity she opted to be sarcastic to keep the other woman from treating her like her mother in law, being Brahmins they had their sectarian attitude but she was one of the richest bahu in the house with her husband being the best bread earning member and none crossed her line..

Then came my biological mother who was too pretty for words and my Bengali mom shanthi was always insecured that rajam one day will take away her husband so she was more and more sarcastic about this, so rajam my mom kept away from the important scene like serving food to the men folk and so on, now shanthi had the house hold in her hand and all the bil never bothered to educate themselves except for dad and one of her bil who wanted to commit suicide because no body was sponsoring him to join the army for which he had to finish his 10^th , she gave him her pair of gold bangles and got him to study and only recently he died as a retired brigadier.

A sheep in the coat of a tiger among the wolves is all I can say, people in a gang always wait to topple but for her clever insight and vision she would not had survived, sometime she was toppled with the brothers asking the elder brother to forsake her, but her perseverance and service to the family stood ground and father after a separation of two years got her back and was proud of her patience and gave a good hearing to his brothers for their misbehavior and scheming…

To me she was the only one as mother I never knew I had a biological mom till I was ten years old and by that time it was too late even when informed, I was unable to accept my biological mom after a separation of so many years but I admired shanthi’s spirit her language was a ridicule in the house because she was unable to pronounce the da word so instead of yennada solrey she would say yenneyra sullurey and the auto driver episode is something I must mention, when he brings her from the farm we had in kothanur outside Bangalore to coxtown where we stayed, she would get down ask him yennera, oorey suthi kaamikeerey naan inge thanra irunney irvod borsho meaning what the hell u think taking me for a ride around Bangalore I have been living here for 20 yrs now and so on screaming for the extra that he may ask for bringing her from outskirts, ultimately he would take what she gives and go away.

It is her way of getting things done the way she wants it, and the fearless attitude of staying in a farm all alone, during my marriage her nine yards saree and her nose rings like the Brahmins were something out of the world she conducted the wedding in a precise manner though had to go the hospital for an asthma attack she came back and conducted the sending off.

Looking after a family is no joke being an outsider, many a time I have heard her say, yes you people recognize my money but not me, how very true it is people do not hesitate to be friendly to money but not the giver, that too a woman.

She enjoyed the bliss of a son in law that is my husband a wonderful relationship as he was from kolkata but a tamil Brahmin but he knew her contribution and stood by her, the last brother in law shanker became her adopted son whom she doted but he on his part could only think of her as a call girl which she could had been, sad that she was tarnished and blamed for things she never did, but I would love to know her as my mother and nothing more, her contributions cannot be worded and her help to uplift a family of 7 sons and a father is something one had to see, with all daughter in law against her, but accepting her gift of gold and sarees is something to be seen and cannot be worded as they looked so bitter with no appreciation for her…

I was instrumental for the 60^th wedding and saw dad tying the knot on her with the yellow sacred thaali to give her the position she is entitled and but denied by her other members in the house including her adoptive son…

Her role as a grandmother was even more she pampered my children and she became the universal kannur patti for all she would knit sweaters for them make lovely kichdi and some boiled eggs the minute they landed up in the farm, so the children used to wait for weekend to come and my father used to ask all those who want ice cream can get into the car and there was no age limit I used to find my mom with all the kids and they enjoyed the completely packed car with kids, he also used to get a van load of crackers for all the children during diwali and my mom used to also crack them, they showered love on all the children and compensated their mind for the children they never had..

She never knew how to make the south Indian sweets but learnt the cooking well and made her style of sambhar and kari and all, which was unique in its own way.
Her death was in my home near me as she had promised she would die on my lap, it was too much but the beauty was what they denied her when she was living they did all the samskaras when she died shanker had to conduct her funeral if he wanted her property, and he did all that for her. What ever may be the concluding thought but .I salute such a woman.my mom shanthi..

 

dear shanthi,
pl join the competition and write about a woman who impressed you here...sunkan

 

can u beleive chitra made kichdi after reading this, she said she felt like eating patti's kichdi, i said ok so begun bhaja and fried onions as garnish and the kichdi was damn good, some ode from her too...akka

 

thanks baby,
for this acknowledgement i must say it is a word but when i get a feed back of love in abundance then this word falls short anywhere...amma

 

i salute u aishu here,
for keeping her as ur idol and taking care of her ideals in life,
now this is the biggest legacy a person can teach the generations to come about how important it is to have all together, i forgot tomention my mom and dad gave property to all his brother to day if at all they have a house it is because of them, i would any day be like them even in serving food to people who come home in my simplest gesture..thanku u remind me of many more people of my house who were like that to keep all together..but died sad not able to do that..sunkan