Domestic Violence:"Why Women Stay"

From the preview of the book on Domestic Violence: "Why Women Stay" by
Nancy Faulkner, Ph.D.

It can be truly confusing to people on the outside looking in, wondering why a woman would stay with a man who beats her.

Those who don't understand say things like, "I'd leave him in a heartbeat if he ever hit me -- it would only take one time!"

And yet, despite repeated assaults, -- which can include trips to the emergency room, irreparable physical damage, alienation from family and friends, deteriorating self-esteem, children who live in fear, repeated calls for police protection, and threats of death, -- many women remain with the men who abuse them.

There can be many reasons, with more than one contributing to the problem. The categories are not discrete, with many overlapping characteristics among the arbitrary divisions.

The Safety Seeker:
It may be familiar, and oddly enough, a comfortable lifestyle.

The Blind: Not realizing it is "abuse."

The Worthless: "No one else would ever love me."

The Defective: "I deserved it; I'll do better."

The Manager: "I can keep it from happening again."

The Gullible: "He's really sorry, and it won't happen again."

The Pretender: "I know I make him sound terrible, but he's really a good
person most of the time."

The Defender: "He didn't mean to hurt me."

The Caretaker: "No one else understands him the way I do."

The Fantasizer: "But I love him."

The Martyr: "He isn't hurting the children; if he ever did, I'd leave."

The Helpless: "I can't support the children on my own."

The Hopeless: "He'll kill me if I try to leave him."

Good to see you Sir.
I think the last three ones contribute women to stay in the domestic violence.
Eventhough she is financially sound, her fear of the behaviour of her husband make her stay.
Or she doesn't want her kids to be without a dad ( for the namesake) and also for the sake of what the society will say-- 'Men are like that and only women had to adjust'

sriniketan

Dear Sriniketan,

Thanks for your immediate response.

Domestic violence is a burning issue in the west and is getting lot of attention in India with the Supreme Court passing a law few years back. You might have heard of shootings at schools in U.S. This is the result of domestic violence. Children turn violent seeing the ugly fights between the parents.

Regards,

TDU

The saddest part is we see such things happening in good educated and the so called cultured families too. I wonder why the woman don't pick up enough courage to walk out even when they are financially independent and can easily look after her kids alone.

Things are changing now.

Roopa.

welcome TDU,
we missed u a lot here..sunkan

thanks for this wait...happy u are here..sunkan

Hello TDU Sir,
Please come back... we miss you so much.
Every time I play 'Games for all Illites', I remember you.

Regards.

Hello Punni and Sunkan Mam,

This thread posted by TDU sir is in the month of october 2007 i guess, i dont think he is back...
We miss you sir...

Hi Shreelatha,
That's why we miss him so much... as he is not visiting us now a days..

Originally Posted by slp807

Hello Punni and Sunkan Mam,

This thread posted by TDU sir is in the month of october 2007 i guess, i dont think he is back...
We miss you sir...

Good thread.. may be THIS shud go out as a forward so every woman can read this!!!!

I know of a woman who allowed her husband to beat her up,he was completely under the thumb of his mother who would instigate him to beat her.Why did this woman who came from a wealthy family put up with that physical abuse?Because that was the only time he touched her!Yes,it was true,she told us so.
Another woman I knew put up with the abuse because once the storm was over he would make it up to her in so many ways and she looked forward to it.
mithila kannan