Ramus and Seethas and their lifestyle.

I went to Trichy last year and stayed with my nephew and his wife , for a week during Dussera.

.I could observe them at close quarters and this is what I learnt from my observation.

It was 6.30PM and Ramu who had returned from office as every evening right on this time,did so this evening also.He parked his car in the portico,entered the house and straight dashed into his room.His wife Seetha who had got the coffee ready by 6.28PM brought it to his room and kept the coffee mug on Ramu’s table.He changed into his homewear and plonked himself before the TV set in his room.By that time Seetha had disappeared into the kitchen .

Ramu was in his fifties and Seetha was in her late forties.They had a son and daughter,both of them were in their room studying.

The house remained very quiet.Ramu came to the hall and sat at the dining table,right at 8.30 and Seetha had kept the dinner ready to serve him.She served him,he ate dinner and left the table without saying a word to his wife.After finishing her kitchen work,Seetha went to their bedroom and they both slept.

I had many conversations with Seetha who is a very friendly person and I learnt a lot.

I spoke with Ramu and asked him,”Ramu,what happened to you ?You look so dull thses days.You don’t even talk to Seetha much ,is anything wrong between both of you?”I was very blunt as Iam always.Ramu said,”What is there to talk aunty.After becoming the head of the department of audit Iam saddled with my official problems.When I come home,I too want to talk to her, but Seetha is only ready to give me a load of her problems.’Washing macine is not working,fridge is too small for us,we must get a new fridge’,so on and so forth.Frankly speaking,Iam not in a position to bear any more problems on my shoulders.Running the home is her department and she has to manage with the money that I give her”.
I spoke with Seetha,”Why are you both so dull?”seetha said,”Giving money alone is not the duty of the husband, aunty.He has to show interest in the house also.If I bring anything to his notice,he gets irritated,you see.He started shouting at me.Thats why I have stopped talking unnecessarily to him.But God knows how much I love him”her eyes misted.


This has been their life ,their daily routine for the past so many years.Ramu and Seetha never talk to each other unless there is an absolute necessity.They never exchange pleasantries or even joke with each other.Why?Don’t they love each other?Ofcourse they love each other,their’s was a love marriage,you see.But a beautiful painting framed in glass glitters when the frame is new,when you don’t dust it regularly the frame is covered with dust and the painting looks dull.

Ramu and Seetha were the happiest of couples at the time of their marriage.I remember them staying with us for a week when they were newly married,they were full of fun,frolic and what a beautiful sight it was I felt very happy for this couple.Now looking at them leading this kind of life without luster, I felt sad.

This is not a case of Ramu and Seetha alone,my dear.There are thousands and thousands of couples who lead the same uninteresting and dull lives.What is wrong with these couples?Simple thing,there is absolutely no communication between them.There is no soul in a marriage, when the couple don’t communicate with each other.

On the wedding and the following days,Ramu and Seetha felt that theirs would be a life full of romance and endless things to talk about.But as years rolled by, they got disappointed with the dull aspects of marriage.

Ramu came home carrying with him his official problems.Seetha has had a hard day,cooking,cleaning,managing the maid ,the laundry etc etc.Both of them were too tired to bother about talking to the other and sharing their problems.Romance has lost its lustre.But this would not have been the state of affairs, if both of them had realized the need for communicating with the other person.

When Ramu returned from office Seetha could sit with him and ask him,”So how was your day?”and things like that.Ramu was waiting to pour his heart out to her.There are certain matters,official as well as personal,which a man can confide and talk to only with his wife.She could have listened to him patiently.She may not know much about auditing and his other areas of work.But all that was required of her was just to listen to him,offer him a shoulder to lean on.Thats all.More than half their problems would have been solved.Ramu would have felt lighter after sharing his problems with her and he would have been more than willing to listen to Seetha .

Or Ramu could have exercised some patience and listened to Seetha and her tales of woe about the nonworking washing machine and the errant maid,once her heart became light ,she would have listened to him.

Marriage is meant to be a sharing ; a sharing of ideas,feelings,plans,problems and aspirations.If this sharing would happen then the two would become one,the same heart throbbing in two individuals and all that is required to make it happen is ,communication between the two.

Communication is no mere talking with each other.Communication means a little bit of tact,a little bit of kindness,a little bit of common sense, a little less of ego-if you are blessed with that, a little bit of tolerance.Combine all this when you sit with your spouse and have a chat with him and see the result!

There are some cardinal rules to be observed so that you don’t go on the wrong track trying to communicate with your spouse.
The wife should understand that her husband ‘s personality is diffeent from her’s .She should try and understand his subjective world and viceversa.
Seethas should not load Ramus with problems which they they themselves can solve.
Spouses should try and take interest in the other person’s interests just to please him/ her atleast once in a while.
Be unselfish in communication.Listen to your spouse with keen interest ,even if you are in the midst of doing something that interests you.

If a marriage is in a rut,then the couple have to check themselves on the point of communication.Too often boredom sets in when things are taken for granted.Appreciation for whateve the wife does or the husband does, however small it may be ,will fetch rich dividends .

Three words uttered very often with sincerity will make miracles happen in life.”I love you”.Say this often to your spouse and seethat your married life sprouts new leaves,new buds and flowers will bloom soon, making you the richest couple on earth, for riches lie in caring for each other,loving each other.

 

My dear shobha,
Thank you fr the lovely fb.
Good, that you managed to change him and make him a bit more talkative.
I wish you all the best.
love
mithila

 

My dear priya,
Todays' couples are tired,both of them work and when they return home,they just don't have the energy to chat and laugh or listen to the partner.
But ladies are very focussed when they want something,so Iam sure you know how to work things ut in such a way that both of you are happy.
Good luck to you
love
mithila