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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by mithila kannan, May 29, 2010.

  1. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    The other day I and my DH went to my cousin’s house for lunch.Her son had got married recently.All the festivities connected with the wedding were over and my cousin had invited a few close relatives home for lunch.Her daughter in law,the new bride Geetha had prepared the meal .All the items served were too good,delicious and from the way she served the meal, I could make out that she was a good homemaker.

    After lunch, we the elders sat in the hall and were chatting.That was the time I observed something.Geetha’s face had become small and she looked a bit sad.Suddenly I realized what had happened.I called Geetha to my side and told her,”Geetha,that was a super lunch, my child ,which you had prepared .Your MIL told me that you made all the items yourself.I thoroughly enjoyed the meal.”said I and was happy to see Geetha’s face blossoming.Her MIL took the clue from me and praised Geetha for the efforts she had taken to make the lunch.Geetha became her normal self,cheerful and bubbly in no time at all.So she needed those compliments,she wanted her MIL and others to appreciate her cooking.Thats all.Her day was made.

    All humanbeings crave for feed backs.

    “The failure to give appropriate and timely feedbackis the most extreme cruelty that we can inflict on any human being” says,Charles Coonradt,Management Consultant.

    What is a feedback?Well the dictionary gives a complicated definition where as You and I have made it simpler here.While the dictionarysays that feedback is “The return of information about the result of a process or activity;”,we at IL have made it very simple.For us a feed back is a friendly review of a post.


    Our tryst with feedbacks start the day we are admitted in the nursery class.Even the very first day of our schooling,the teacher tells the parents who come to school to collect their child,”your son is adorable!He is so intelligent”and the parents’ faces bloom with pleasure,the child feels happy seeing his parents happy.

    This feed back session continues in the form of Progress Reports from the class teacher,all types of merit certificates from the school authorities and finally the convocation and the degrees given.Do the feed backs stop there?Oh,no dear,they continue till the boy, who got a wonderful feedback from his teacher on the first day of his school,retires from his job.At every stage in his life, he keeps gett ting feedbacks,from his teacher to his boss,some positive feedbacks,some negative feed backs.While the intelligent person gets motivated by the positive feedbacks to better his performance,he never allows the negative feedbacks to demotivate him.On the other hand on getting the negative feed backs,he determines to himself that he will learn from his mistakes and will work harder to get a better feedback from the same boss.

    Giving and receiving feedbacks are both an ordeal,not an enviable task at all.I have seen my DH making confidential reports of his subordinates and getting ready to discuss each report with the concerned persn.He used to be tense most of the time.And when his turn came to discuss his report with his boss he used to be the same.

    Let us come to our website and see what effects the feedbacks from readers have on the writers.We live,eat and breathe feed backs.Even now,I post a blog and am there before my system in less than an hour to see whether anyone has given a feedback.When some one says,”Mithila,that was a good post!”well,my day is made.I feel on top of the world.If someone would say,”Mithila,there sre many spelling mistakes, please do a spell check before posting your blog”or if some one would be kind enough to say,”Mithila,I don’t agree with what you have written”,then also my day would have been made.But fortunately or unfortunately we at IL don’t give healthy criticisma to any post,I don’t know why.

    Giving feedbacks is a task,no doubt whether it is writing about a child’s performance in the report card,giving your experience in a five star hotel or giving feedbacks to those working under you.
    Your heart should be in your report.Just saying,”Oh,that was great!fantastic!”are insincere compliments or feedbacks that can do more damage than good.
    Just a simple sentence,”I enjoyed reading your post”is a much better feedback accoding to me. The best positive feedback is sincere and specific. Tell the person exactly why you are praising him. If you like a person’s style of writing,make it a point to mention that in you FB or if you like the way a subject has been handled go ahead and praise that person. Start today, and in only three weeks time, giving positive feedback will be a life-long habit of yours.

    Feedbacks become stale when they are given long after you finish reading the post.As far as possible,give a feedback to the post,earlier than later.
    I would rather not have favourites in giving feedbacks.You may vibe well with a person but that does not mean that you have to force yourself to give a feedback just to be nice to that person.Judge the quality of work and be true in your report.That way you earn respect and your feedbacks will be looked forward to.

    Fortunately IL is the place where people are humane,kind and every one is talented in one way or another. (Now pick up mithila and make her sit in a place quietly.She opens her mouth far and wide to speak on this issue,she being notoriously irregular in giving feedbacks.She has no right to talk.)

    If giving feedbacks is an ordeal,receiving feedbacks is a greater ordeal.

    When I get positive feedbacks I develop wings and fly in the air.If only some of my friends would point out my drawbacks to me,I should have the same enthusiasm to accept the constructive criticism with grace and learn to correct my mistakes,improve the quality of my writing.

    A negative feedback might feel like a personal insult, challenging your whole identity, keep some perspective.Now you know where you lack, you have an opportunity to do something about it.

    There are times when you don’t get any feedback making you feel miserable.But I don’t ruminate over this.If my fellow bloggers have not responded to my post,naturally they have not found the post interesting or useful.Better use my energy in thinking about a better topic, attracting the attention of my friends.

    Well, Iam going to post this snippet and in less than an hour,I will wake up poor Anjali to take me to the computer.I will eagerly look for any feedbaxk.We at IL are made that way.Aren’t we?

     
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  2. Soldier

    Soldier Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Mam!

    Lovely post very much related to every day issues and more so to IL.

    Yes, rightly said, all crave for fbs whether young or old, whether new or experienced. Even if I know what I have cooked today has come out very well, if I get some comments at least from one of them my DH or DD, I would be feeling very happy. Today also when I came back late from office (am transferred to a distant place now - so nowadays DH & DD have Saturday lunch together at 2.30 p.m), amma inniku milagootal and pachadi superb. Enakku appa pesanju thanthaa (she is college 1st yr - but she too craves for that love and affection shown by way of mixing the food - my DH would even not mind feeding her (ootufying!!!!) because if children - regardless of their age - like it - he is ready to do it!!!!!). Naan rendu tharam saapitten!!! This made me so happy too.

    Likewise even in IL, though we are matured, we behave childlike in expecting fbs. I too will peep into IL to see if any fb has been received, sometimes early morning at 5.30 a.m. when i wake up to get the milk satchet on door bell. Such is our longing for fbs at IL then what is wrong in Geetha anticipating fb on her cooking no?

    Good post aunty. Well written. I appreciate that despite your health issues, you are vibrant in IL!!!!
     
  3. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear soldier,
    Thanks for that comment.
    Lovely to note that your DH is a wonderful father.
    Now it is somewhere around 3.30AM.I had a bout of cough,my DH came to sit by my side till the cough died down,he patted me and went to his room.I behaved like a good girl and as soon as he started snoring,here Iam looking for fbs and there you are to wish me.
    God bless you.
    love
    miithila
     
  4. monifa13

    monifa13 Bronze IL'ite

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    My Dear Mithila Kannan - whenever you write something I never fail to read it. As usual your this post is also wonderful. Thanks for making me think.
     
  5. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mithila,

    What you wrote about feed backs is so true. I relate to it completely. The first thing that i do after waking up is check my feed backs. They are addictive.

    The greatest yearning of human beings is the want to be appreciated. We all have a child inside us and we all want to be appreciated of our efforts.

    This is a very nice post Mithila, it make us think how we can simply make someone's day beautiful just by writing few lines. Our words can make or break a person.

    I love your writing, keep the posts coming.

    Have a great day ahead.

    regards
     
  6. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear monifa,
    Thank you for those lovely words.You have made my day.
    love
    mithila
     
  7. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mithila,
    Your words speak the feelings of all. The incident you have quoted the expectations of everyone. So nice of you to note the young girl's feelings and made her happy by your sweet and positive remarks. Hats of to you !!
    Feedback is some form of input on your work; it could come from supervisors, co-workers, or others you interact with. In some contexts it can be quite formal, but I think it can take many forms – it can be something as simple as a short verbal comment.Feedback is the livewire of communication as communication is the livewire of human existence and interaction. Thus, feedback should be carefully considered before being put forward due to its significance.Feedback is meant to be given in real-time, as close as possible to when the performance incident occurs so that the events are fresh in everyone's minds. When feedback is given well after the fact, the value of the constructive feedback is lessened.Happy to see you more active.
    with love
    pad
     
  8. Aarthibhuvan

    Aarthibhuvan Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Mam,

    wonderful post.

    regards,
     
  9. rajiravi

    rajiravi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear mithila mami,

    As usual very nice writeup....yes, you are right....each and every one of us expect feedback, even for small things also....timely feedback is all the more necessary....for example, even though we cook everyday and we know the taste of the food we prepared, when we get the nice feedback from our loved ones, we feel more happy....no wonder the new girl kept her face sad.... it was so nice of you to read her mind and give your first feedback....good one... our IL binds all of us only with the nice fbs we get and the fbs we give.... how is your health now?
     
  10. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mithila,

    As usual, you have written well and I sincerely mean it.

    I loved all that you said in this post, shows your maturity.

    True, all of us love to hear praises when we make an effort. I can imagine that young bride's anxiety when cooking for the elders and new relatives in the family. A good word in return must surely make her day.

    As for a constructive feedback in IL, that will be a bit 'risque' I think! Not everyone is mature enough to take criticism in their stride. It could turn into an awkward battle of words, which often happens in the various pages of our own forum! I have often disagreed with many posters on their thoughts or views and one develops an instinct as to who will and is able to take such analysis and criticism.

    As for correcting language, I resist that personally. English not being our first language, it is understandable that many tend to do a literal translation from their own languages and not all are well versed in English. By correcting the language constantly, I am afraid to dampen their enthusiasm to write. Maybe if one gets familiar with the writer and one knows that such suggestions will be taken in the right spirit, one may venture it.

    I too am guilty of not writing feedbacks that often only because I don't get to read all that much these days. But I make it a point to give a feedback once I have read because I know how important it is for the poster.

    Well, these days I am making it a point to read the recent posts when I log in provided they rouse my interest and give a feedback. This accounts only to pitiably low number of posts, but there is only that much time, what to do?:hide:

    L, Kamla
     

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