Sex,is it a boon or bane for the elderly couples?

I was going through some old Tamil magazines.In one of the popular Tamil magazine, an elderly lady had written a letter to the readers in general.I will give below the gist of the letter,translating it in English.
“Iam fifty six years old.My husband is nearing seventy.we live in a joint family with our son and daughter in law.
Well,my husband is still interested in sex with me where as Iam not the lest interested in it.We even have fights because of this When I give in to his demands and spend the night with him in privacy,the next day moning, I am not able to look at my DIL’s face.I die with shame.I want a solution to this problem.How can I correct my husband’s attitude and make him realize that what he is doing is wrong?”To me this letter was carrying the anguish,sense of guilt, unhappiness and a sense of shame that thousands of middle aged women bear in their hearts and are unable to share this with others.

After reading this letter,I just allowed my thoughts to take their course.

There is a strong motion among people that a man enjoys sex ,even when he is seventy ,whereas the woman does not show interet in sex even when she reaches forty.Well we can not make a generalized statement in this manner.If women do not show interest in sex, there are many reasons that are responsible for their lack of interet in sex once they reach middle age.

In most of the families, women are brought up to think that ‘sex’ is a bad word or it is not the nice thing to talk about sex even among friends.A girl who discusses this subjest with her friends or even with her mother and sisters is branded as a bad girl or a promiscuous girl.Mostly, girls are brought up in a repressed atmosphere.The girl’s marriage takes place.She is taken to the nuptial room.Her knowledge about sex is very limited to whatever she had assembled from her friends who are equally ignorant ,the bedroom scenes in films .On top of everything an elderly woman whiphers to the girl,”Remember,the consummation has to take place tonight.Then only your marriage will be a happy one “,and the girl does not know what is consummation!Such marriages do take place and couples are happy, ,praise the lord for it and also the fact that boys’ knowledge in this area may be more.

I attended a marriage, a couple of years back.The bride’s elder sister was getting ready the bride for the nuptial night,dressing her up etc.The elder sister advised the bride,”Look,we women have to put up with certain things that we don’t like in our lives.What to do?You have to bear with all these things in marriage,there is no other go.”I was stunned to hear these words from an educated lady.So ,such girls act as if they are obliging their husbands when they have sex with their husbands.

In most families,people tend to think that couples have sex only to have children
“They have had two children,no?Now ,why do they require a separate bed room?” so saying,elders in the family,drive the young couple to the common hall.I have seen this also.At this point if a member of the family had mentioned that apart from making children,pleasure derived out of sex is also a factor,that person would have been kicked out of the house or the family would have scorned him/her for th e rest of his life.
So,it is not surprising that a woman who has been brought up in such a household feels that her husband wanting sex when he is seventy is an abnormal act.She also feels ashamed to sleep with her husband in a separate room in front of her grown up children.

A mother plays a great role in this aspect. When her daughter reaches the marriageable age ,her mother should make it a point to sit with her and explain to her that for the marriage between a man and woman to be successful and happy,there should be a strong foundation laid for this edifice called marriage and that foundation is good healthy sexual relation between the man and woman.

If there are elderly couples in a family,the other members of the family should discreetly allow them some privacy.If an elderly man and his wife sit close to each other exchanging pleasantries or having some intimate talks,please never make fun of them or ridicule.Fear of such ridicule do not allow the elderly couples to enjoy intimate moments with each other.

When a husband and wife sleep in a separate room,it is not for enjoying sex alone.Sex may be the least or last of the things in their mind.My husband is in his seventy and Iam in my sixties.In the early mornings,when the Sun God like a lazy child has not made up his mind whether to wake up or not,,I snuggle close to my DH and seek his hand,holding it in mine. Th e knowledge that he is there by my side,gives me the sense of security and tremendous peace of mind which all the wealth in the world will not be able to give me.During these wonderful morning hours,we both chide each other,make fun of each otherand flatter each other.We weave dreams about our grand children.Such private moments are my precious treasures and I value them.Iam not ashamed to seek out this privcy or enjoy these private moments and Iam not going to give them up for anybody’s or anything’s sake.

 

Dear tashidelek2002,
No I have not read that book.I will read it and then get back to you.
Thanks for the fb.
love
mithila

 

My dear mithy,
As and when couples age,the bonding between thenm grows stronger and stronger provided there is good understanding between them .Then old age becoomes the golden age in their livesand the love between them is like pure honey that could be tasted sip by sip.
love
mihila