If you really love me then CONVERT!

Love is such a beautiful emotion especially when it is unconditional. You know then, that there are no strings attached, no clauses and no sub clauses hidden within the love contract. You might ask, “What contract? Should there be a contract for love too?”
Definitely. An invisible agreement between you and the person you love which only the both of you can understand and appreciate, which is not influenced or dictated by society. A contract to love and respect one another for life.

A friend I had known was getting married. I came to know then that she was getting married to a Tamil Christian and my friend was a Malayali Hindu. I was happy that she was getting married because a cheerful girl like her would make any man happy. Then, she burst the balloon with the pin of ‘conversion.’ She was marrying a college classmate of hers who had expressed his love for her way back. She had thwarted him mainly because he belonged to a different religion. But, somehow, his perseverance had paid off and now they were going to be husband and wife! However, they were marrying only on the condition of conversion. No! She was not converting. He was. I was stunned so to say. Until then I had always heard of women converting to get married to get the love of their lives. I had heard and seen women giving up their maiden names to be known as Mrs. So and So, not men. Not that when women convert, it is custom and when men convert, it is horrifying. Both cases are equally terrible. But, let’s go back to my friend’s case. I heard people talk.

“He must have loved her so much to even give up his religion for her” I heard someone respond.
“Did he really have to do it?” somebody else said.
“Not man enough to get her converted” someone else quipped in.
“Do women really do this now-a-days?” I heard another statement.
“Why did she have to descend to such a level?” another comment.

What many people leave out asking is, “Is conversion really necessary?”

When two persons love each other so much as to want to spend their entire lives together then, should religion be made a condition to marry? Doesn’t the person who converts realize that by putting forth such a condition his/her would-be spouse’s first priority in life would be religion (enforced) and not you? Doesn’t it make the person who is converting realize that her/his lover loves his/her religion more than he/she loves you?


I know of cases where couples convert only to keep away from the torture of family members and society. Some convert to buy that kiosk of peace for themselves. All that they want is true companionship from each other. Religion then, becomes only a means to the end.

But, the issue here is not about couples who have no choice. It is not about mass conversion either that many fanatics tend to do repeatedly. That is another issue altogether. The topic is about persons who have a choice but foolishly give it up. I am talking about the compromise in love, the giving up of something close to one’s mind and soul only because he/she had dared to love another. What could be the reason for all this?
• Does the desire for physical proximity cause this illogical deed?
• Does the yearning for life-long companionship with a loved one provoke such an action?

What if the person asked to convert demands whether religion is important or love? Which is more valuable – faith in one another or converted faith? Sadly, very few do that!

I have a family friend, a Christian who is married to a Hindu woman. When you enter their house the first thing that you notice is a small statue of Mother Mary and Infant Jesus standing beside an idol of Krishna. A candle and a lamp are lit every evening. Their two children pray to both forms of God. There is no conflict and by the way, the family is happy. Maybe, some Hindu relatives do behave oddly with the Christian man and Christian relatives keep off the Hindu woman. Yet, they are surviving well setting an excellent example of unity in diversity. Most importantly, nobody has converted. Both of them frequent the church and the temple. Because of the constraints of society, children of inter-religious marriages tend to follow their father’s religion if their mother has not changed hers. But, they are free to change their religion when they grow up into adults. The point is that the children’s parents were not forced to convert.

Today, we have many celebrities who marry outside their religion but then, their celebrity status gives them the freedom to lead the lives they want to with nobody pointing fingers at them. The ordinary man/woman is not so fortunate but still one does have a choice.

• 
  It is when one gives up one’s faith in order to marry and mate that the whole meaning of love changes.

It no longer remains a pure feeling of unconditional affection and hope. It becomes a conditional relationship where one has to give up something to get something. So, if you love me and want to lead your life with me, give up your religion. If you don’t do it, then you don’t love me. What is this? Some kind of emotional blackmail?

Whoever does the conversion, male or female is only entering into a conditional marital contract. Surely when we love somebody we love them – the imperfect person, their faults, their faith, everything. Then, why want to change it all to legalize the relationship?


Isn’t it asking too much of love? Is it really worth the price in exchange for love and companionship?

Shail
Computer Typing

 

Hi Parvathi,

True. The topic is controversial mainly because we have amongst us itself many cases where people have converted due to situation and circumstance, due to the desire to get the love of one's life and also maintain harmony.

As you rightly said, people must realize that religion is not important, "being faithful, kind, peace loving,non critical and helping to each other" definitely is.

Thanks for stopping by Parvathi.
See you soon.
Shail

 

Dear Kamalji,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I am glad that you liked the article. We have too many people (both, men and women) making compromises when they don't have to. This is highly demeaning of the very emotion of love.

By the way, how do you feel about my two earlier posts? I would love to hear from you.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/snippets-of-life-non-fiction/87624-what-happens-when-religious-leader.html

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/snippets-of-life-non-fiction/88099-why-we-disrobing-draupadi-even.html

See you soon.
Shail

 

Dear Usha,

Yes, I agree. Conversion is not just religious. It can be all the ways you have mentioned.
And yes, love is about giving happiness. But, should giving be one-sided? Why is that in love in many cases, only one person is doing the giving while the other person is contented taking?:idontgetit:

In love, there is a beautiful pleasure in being able to do something for the loved one, in giving up something for the other, in undergoing hardship but again, if the other person also loves truly shouldn't he/she do the same?

Religious conversion is anyway bad. And in this article I am discussing about religious conversion. Yes, unconditional love is hard to find. But it is definitely not an impossible phenomenon too!

What do you feel Usha?
Shail

 

Dear K2S,

So nice that you liked this posting of mine.:thankyou2:
Yes, unconditional love is hard to find since so many people are busy falling in love with the concept of love, not real love itself. No wonder, they come up with so many conditions before marrying be it dowry, having/leaving job, changing name and changing religion as I mentioned.

If you read what I have written in my response to Usha, you will find that I agree with her on the joy of giving in love, but that is joy of giving, not compromise. Yes, life is about compatibility, about adjusting but again that is not forced compromise. When a conversion is demanded to give you happiness then, it is horrible.

See you soon.
Shail