A Woman of Substance.

Mindian · Mar 7, 2010

Editor's Note: Mindian, thank you so much for sharing this story about your friend. It is truly soul touching. She is indeed a woman of substance. This story has been selected as best of forums. Congratulations! Dear IL'ites, Here is the story. Do read it and share yours with us too.

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With March 8th, International Women's Day, coming near, the papers and the magazines have been full of articles glorifying women all over the world. The stories were of past and present women who have achieved the pinnacle of success in various fields of human endeavour. They are all about women, usually celebrities, at the helm of careers. I just happened to read Rediff’s top ten women of substance which set me wondering if anyone I know qualifies.

How do you define a woman of substance? I don’t really know, but then P came to mind.

P is my class mate from school who I met during my last visit to India in Sep 2009.

In school she was a short, dark, fat girl, very average in looks and studies, but a very good natured person whose shy smile did light up her face. We all felt she was too submissive and teased her that she would make someone a very good wife and some lucky family a dutiful DIL, and warned her laughingly that she would be considered a doormat and be ill-treated, unless of course she was lucky enough to get into a very nice family.

We both ended up taking commerce after school but went our separate ways after that, when she opted for a two year diploma course in Computer Programming. But we did keep in touch through mails and occasional calls.

She entered a very good company and rose from one post to the higher one. Though she was the eldest in her family of three, both her younger brothers got married before her, while she went ahead career wise. Amongst our circle of friends she was the last to get married. However, marital bliss lasted only for two years, and resulted in a kid and a divorce. She left with her small son, but was probably economically secure with a well paying job.

She moved in with her parents and life went on smoothly for maybe another 2- 3 years when she was dealt with another huge blow. Her father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. P and her parents sold their home, and with a new loan on her shoulders bought her own home near her place of work. She moved in to her new home with her parents and son and employed a cook so that her mother could take full care of her father. She told me his condition deteriorated at such a rapid pace that he couldn’t be left alone at all.

But HE above had decided that she had not suffered enough. Her mother was diagnosed with cancer three years ago. When I met her in September both her parents were mere skeletons of their former selves. Her father did not recognize anybody even in the family and her mother could not talk to anybody after a severe chemo session. It pained me terribly to see them that way, since I have seen them as young vibrant people.

Life goes on for my friend. She looks after both her parents. She has hired a full-time help for her father and a cook-cum-maid for her mother, and spends all her free time with her son. Now she leads her company in the position of vice president. Outwardly she is still the smiling shy girl but with strands of grey in her short boy cut. While she narrated all this in a matter-of-fact tone, I was crying inside at the raw deal life had meted out to her.

Was she the same submissive P who took all our ragging? It suddenly struck me that even back then she had never complained .She had always taken it with a smile which we had mistaken in our childishness as a sign of her docility and weakness. Actually she had always been strong, maybe much stronger than any of us.

I realised that P personified woman of substance. And I felt extremely honoured and proud to be her friend.

I am sure that many of us have met someone like that, and have been privileged to have had a glimpse into the enormous substance inside. Their stories would probably never make it to the glossies but hope IL pages would soon be full of them.

iyerviji · Mar 7, 2010

Dear Mindi

A thought provoking post to write on International Women's day. You made me cry reading your friend's story. Its really a good tribute you have given writing about her here. Hope God blesses her and lessens her worries. Good to know she is holding a big post. I wish best of health for her parents. There are women like P who smile even when their own heart is sad. We have to learn so much from them.

Happy Women's day to you

love
viji

Meenupanicker · Mar 7, 2010

Dear Mindian
Its such a wonderful snippet that too from your friend's life you have written on the occassion of women's day.So much tragedies happening in life one after another and facing them all with that old shy smile of hers.She is one of those ever inspiring model for people like me who often became sad for silly issues.
Thanks for sharing her story.

Amma15 · Mar 7, 2010

Dear Mindi,

Thank you for telling us about your friend at this time. Yes, she and many others like her will perhaps never fulfill the panel's criteria to be one of the world's top 10 "successful " women. But we know that they ARE the REAL women of substance and need to be praised and applauded.

Love,
Usha

Tubelight · Mar 7, 2010

Hi MIndi
Thank you for sharing that awesome story about your friend. Truly, she qualifies to be called a Steel Magnolia, Woman of Substance and Grit. A Shakthi .
Come Woman's Day, and we are upto the eyeballs with oft repeated tales about all the usual suspects : Nooyi, Chanda Cochar, Sudha Murthy, Mrinalini , K.Mazumdar, not to forget Sonia G. and Mayavathi etc. Then there's lip service paid to the odd lady from the slums and the underpaid construction worker. But, W.Day or no Day, there are ladies like P. going about Life with quiet dignity, without a thought about being an "Icon" or an "Example", blissfully ignorant of all talk of "Substance"" and stuff. Life, however rotten the cards dealt, has to be lived in the best way one can find in the circumstance. This takes inner strength and more grit than needed to shatter any glass ceiling.
Jai ho to the Common Woman .Bow

ALPA · Mar 7, 2010

My dearest Mindi,
what a wonderful write up, about your friend and what she has been through, she passed through the worst and came out a winner, right now she is so strong that nothing will effect her.
I would like to add another woman of substance and that's my elder sister who has practically raised us my younger sister and i, my dad is still alive but both my younger sis and i were born late and we have alwys looked up to our elder isster and brother, today what we both are in our lives are because of our elder sister, we owe our success to my elder sister.

love ,hugs and kisses
alpa:cheers

Deaf woman · Mar 7, 2010

Dear mindian,
A big :wowto your friend p.She is simply the best.But if you ask me and don't berate me for being biased , i consider majority of the women as "women of substance" .what do you say?Enjoyed reading about your friend.

Arunarc · Mar 7, 2010

Dear Mindi
Nice Reading your post on Woman on substance. Hats off to this friend of yours she has so bravely faced all the trouble smilingly.

radsahana · Mar 7, 2010

dear Mindi,

Your post was superb, it shows how much importance we give to the outer appearance and manners. But your brave P as proved it otherwise, and succeeded in her life.

Also the Ps, 2 other brother shrugged away from their responsibilities toward their parents.

It was really inspiring to read about P, who is really a woman of substance, who has and still facing so much problem, but with grace and smile, and without any malevolence for anybody around. Thumbs up for her:thumbsup