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My Name is Cow

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Tubelight, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi ! How nice to see you ! Come in ! Come in !
    Come, lets have tea.

    Tell me, do you like your name ?
    I was just going through newspapers. It struck me that no “Classifieds” sheet is ever complete without at least three people notifying the world that they have got themselves a New Improved name. Look at this entry. D. Puttagowramma has become D. Mrinalini. That’s nice, isn’t it !. Hope she manages to get a New Improved life to match. I notice that men are less imaginative in this department. G.B. Ramesha went to all that trouble of paying for affidavits, court fees, gazette entries and ad-space only to become G.B. Ramesh Kumar. He could have become G.B. Hrithik Kumar for the same price, don’t you think ?

    Most people are dissatisfied with the name given to them at birth. Especially women. Out of ten , two may forgive their parent’s taste. Four feel afflicted with a chronic condition. Three go for cosmetic changes like a sleeker spelling or a prettier abbreviation.. The last one is “None of the Above” who does not give a damn whether she was named Bhuvanasundari or BT Brinjal because she is universally known as Pinky.

    It’s a general complaint that the Name does not match the “ Personality” . This is only to be expected I think. After all, a “personality” gets a finished, final shape only when a person turns at least 18 ; but the name is 18 years older than that personality ! I do sympathise with Pushpalatha ‘s fate of becoming the eternal butt of rude ragging because of the mismatch between her “slender” name and XXL frame . But how could her Parents have foreseen that their little bundle of Joy would blossom into a lovely tub of lard.

    I was named before my birth . Six months before I was due for release, a much loved, long lived matriarch of the clan passed away, leaving behind her name, Lakshmi, for me. One has to be grateful for small mercies : Much Loved Matriarch No.2, Chennabasavakka died , thankfully, a whole year after my birth.

    As a youngster, I used to feel my name was too drab. Dull as cold Idli without accompaniments. Now, come on, tell me the truth. What image comes to your mind at the mention of “Lakshmi” ? A middle aged lady with turmeric yellow cheeks , a traffic signal of coloured dots on her forehead, a karimani mangalya , festooned with safety pins , dangling over a comfortably crushed Belgaum Saree, sitting cross legged on a brown sofa , shedding copius tears for the eternally suffering Mukta on Udaya TV ? That’s not me ! That’s not me ! That’s my Mother. And her name is Prajwala.

    I used to work up massive complexes when I went out with Amma . People automatically assumed that Lakshmi was the mother and Prajwala the daughter. Many are the dark nights when my pillow was soaked with hot tears of rage and inconsolable anguish. ‘Why couldn’t Amma have a demure, unobtrusive name like Mangala or Seethamma or Ramani like all other decent Ammas ! Why this razzle-dazzle Prajwala , smothering my mousey “lakshmi” ! But, if you ask me, Prajwala sounds like a washing powder ! So there ! ’

    Family get togethers always depressed me because of the presence of chic cousins with fashionable names like Shylashree or Priyamvada and there I was with a #%^&@ To pull me out of my depression, all elders around would become emergency Agony Aunts. But the counseling always ran on tiresome, predictable lines : Lakshmi is Auspiciousness. Wealth. Prosperity . Everyone on Earth wants Lakshmi. Nothing has greater allure than Lakshmi ! blah blah blah . Oh yeah ? So how come my bratty brother wasn’t named Kubera but got himself a stylish, modern, Ashutosh ! To which Amma countered with the revelation that the Stylish, Modern cosmetic brand Lakme was actually my name in French spelling. Oh ? Then, I’d much rather have been Elizabeth Arden or Nina Ricci.

    All that became inconsequential in the face of the biggest onslaught of mortification I faced on account of my name when we visited Neydaralli, an unmapped cluster of 11 mud houses in the back of beyond , somewhere near Chitradurga.

    Appaji’s ( Father’s) dearest friend had invited us to a major do there , their <st1:street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">Native Place</st1:address></st1:street>. They were celebrating the birth of a baby who was the first born son of a first born son of a first born son, dittoed twice more . Apparently a big deal , but I couldn’t understand why the nonagenarian Pithamaha at the top of this chain was taking personal credit for this lucky freak of nature and getting a Swarna Abhishekha ( = Gold Shower )for himself !

    Ok, forget that, the more important character related to my tragedy, was the friend’s Chikkamma ( = maternal aunt).
    We all know that village based ladies are very frank and open people who are never fussy about political correctness. So, Chikkamma enquired about Appaji’s Caste and Salary, about Amma’s age and jewelry and then got to the kids . She grabbed my brother and exclaimed : “ Yaakla, putta ! (= why, little boy ) Doesn’t your mother feed you enough ? Your limbs are like broomsticks. What’s your name ?”
    “ Ashutosh” Piped my Brother, wriggling to free himself from her clutches
    “ Whats that ! Sounds like a sneeze. ”
    My poor brother blanched while Appaji hurried to rescue his honour.
    “ Its God Shiva’s name, Chikkamma”
    “ Ho ! If you wanted God’s name, couldn’t you choose a nice, Traditional Mahesha or Veerabhadra ? You City people are strange ! And you, putti (= little girl) whats your name ?”
    Eager to score over my brother by passing the lady’s Quality Control, I announced proudly and loudly “ Lakshmi !” What could be more Traditional than that !
    “ Ho ? God gives you a kanya-ratna ( = girl gem !) and instead of calling her something sweet like Vasantha or Parimala, you name her like a cow !”
    I reeled , stunned and speechless. Cow ?


    It transpired that in that godforsaken hovel , all cows were invariably named Lakshmi or Gangey . If at all a female of the two legged species was given the Goddess’s name, it was suitably altered for human consumption as Lakshmamma or Lakkavva or Bhagyalakshmi . So a plain vanilla Lakshmi was not just odd, but down right freaky.
    I don’t know if Chikkamma employed a town crier, but by sundown, even the chit of a lad, patting cowdung cakes by the village well, was sniggering at me as I passed . The lady had succeeded in carpet bombing my pride, ego, self respect, all with one casual word. Nothing could be done . I bore my Fate with bovine resignation.

    By the time I was of marriageable age, my name had stopped bothering me. But I had to go and get a Mother in Law with a charming name : Shivashankari. So it was the National Debate of which name is MIL and which DIL, all over again ! But one learns to live with handicaps.

    As a wife, I sometimes experience stabbing attacks of insecurity imagining what if the husband thought Lakshmi too unappetizing and let his eyes rove over heavenly bodies named Anoushka or Tanisha or Rituparna ?

    Just a week ago, I caught him peering into his Vaio , with that certain kind of glassy look in star -dust filled eyes, that immediately triggers a red flag alert in the brains of wedded females. The situation needed tactful handling.
    “ Whats up ?” I sang, packing in as much drool as I could into my tone “ Has Antonio Banderas agreed to Vogue’s photo shoot ? Lemme see ? ”

    Intended effect was achieved !. He deflated visibly and the glassy look was back to the shade called Domestic Dull.
    He pushed the laptop to me saying “ List of the Most Desirable Women in the world is out. Padma Lakshmi and Lakshmi Menon score much above Aishwarya Rai. The World of Glamour is at the feet of our Lakshmis now.”


    It was peach- melba to my ears, though I am sure that at that moment he would not even have remembered his wife’s name. So what ! At least now, my dreary name was linked with the last word in Glitz and Glamour! Yippeee !
    I felt like Lakshmi Mittal signing another major merger. I felt like a 1$$$$$$$ !

    Enough of my nama-sankeertana. How about you ? Tell me, do you like your name ?
     
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  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Enjoyed reading your post. You know my name is also Lakshmi which is my grandmother'sname. In South Indians the children are given their grandmother or grandfather'sname. Earlier same name was continued but now a days they keep the grandfather or grandmother;s name but call by some other name. Though my name was kept Lakshmi my uncle changed it to Vijayalakshmi as when I was born Vijayalakshmi Pandit was very famous. But noone calls me Lakshmi, they call me Vijaya, Vijay, Viji etc

    love
    viji
     
  3. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear TL,

    A very nice write up. It did remind me of the horrors I faced with my name as a child. Everyone thought its a boy name and would say so. Now, I laugh. It has an advantage to it, people think shiva is a boy's name and they see a girl so they don't forget me easily. So I guess I ended up loving my name.

    Have a great day and keep posting.
     
  4. Soldier

    Soldier Gold IL'ite

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    Hi TL!

    That was an interesting post with a dose of humour too. Going by the caption, I wondered what content would u have to say in my name is cow.

    Ur mom's name sound unique and nice. I like the name. True many of the cows are called Lakshmi.

    I think one of the recent posts also carried the saying - a rose is a rose is a rose. I think it was Jaya who said it - I am not sure. So what's in a name. Any way it is there with us even before we knew ourselves (when we were infants) and by the time one grows up one would definitely start loving his name bcos that's what gives him his identity.

    Nowadays as u said Ramesha becomes just Ramesh Kumar and not Hrithik Kumar due to the flourishing business of Numerologists and Nameologists!

    Lakshmi is a nice name and is an embodiment of wealth. I know u really love your name.

    By the way am happy to step in here to give the first fb though am sure stalwarts like Nats, Kamalji, Cheeniya and the like will follow to give wonderful fbs.

    I was in fact waiting to catch u red handed in any of the threads today. U know I had a dream that Viji Aunty had started a thread three cheers to the new Blooming Buddy of IL. Let us give her a special honour.

    U write very well Lakshmi and I have enjoyed it always and shared even with my daughter.

    So Blooming Buddy (BB) keep rocking IL and become its Superstar k?

    Bi. Actually I have severe cold and head ache. I had said after dinner right away will plunge into bed but u pulled me here dear. Permit me to say bi now.

    Catch u later.

    (Oh I am so sorry! by the time I gave submit reply Viji and Shiva have already crept in. Anyways I still like to retain the first fb'er):)
     
  5. ashwiniks79

    ashwiniks79 Bronze IL'ite

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    My cousin also went through similar situation, she was named after my great grandmother 'shringaramma', and apparently everybody was calling her by that name. She was o.k with her name until she went to school and all of a sudden she has padmini, jyothi, veena around her and she was shringaramma....ouch :rant

    She came home and created a chaos and finally one of my aunt just went to the school and asked the teacher just to delete shringaramma and write shailaja instead making a quick namakarana for her in school. Becoz it was about 30yrs back and a village school, shringaramma became shaila instantly.
     
  6. gjaya

    gjaya Silver IL'ite

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    Thorougly enjoyed reading your post...what an eloquent writer you are. You have a way with words.

    You know I was named as Jayashree because supposedly my uncle Jayathirtha (Mom's brother) died very early when he was just a teenager. In our culture we are also given janm naam, and my janm naam was Rindha. How I wished always that Rindha was my actual name and not Jayashree.

    I did not hate my name actually but disliked the way certain people pronounced my name, particularly telugu speaking friends. They used to call me Jayasree...which throughly irritated me to no end. I liked the way North Indians called me as Jayashree, pronouncing that "h" in my name, thrilled me.

    Then there is pet name, and mine was Jayu. I was known to everyone, family and friends in India, as Jayu and I loved that pet name. I prefer Jayu over Jayashree anyday. Now here in US, I am called as Jaya.

    I remember an incident in school, I was always the bubbly, giggling and sit-in-the-back kind of student at School. There was this English teacher who always forgot my name when addressing me. Because I used to giggle a lot and talk a lot at the back, she used to call out me frequently - addressing me sometimes as "sujata" or "Radhika" or any other name but Jayashree. One one occassion, as usual she called out to me saying "Rosy, why are you laughing back there" and the whole class said in chorus "Teacher you always forget her name, her name is Jayashree". Without batting an eyelid she said "So what, a rose is a rose by whatever name you call it".

    TL, your post is awesome. :thumbsup

    Jaya
     
  7. susri

    susri Silver IL'ite

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    TL / Lakshmi,
    Hope now I can boldly refer you as lakshmi naa......:rotfl. Dear what a lovely, sweety, fantastic, ..... , your post yaar. Amazing writeup dear. :thumbsup. Such a hilarious post, I enjoyed each and every line....

    My name is Meera and I love my name ....
     
  8. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Viji

    That was a super quick response ! Thank you ! I had guessed your name would be Vijayalakshmi , but nice to know you were named after a great lady. And having Vijaya in name itself should give you a victorious feel !


    Hi Shiva
    I have always liked the name Shiva whether for a boy or a girl . In old mythologicals, Parvathi would always be called "Shivey !" by the other gods. Know what, my MIL is also called Shivaa at home. And yes, since its an uncommon name for girls, you'll be remembered well !


    Hi Soldier
    Don't bother if yours is not the first comment. Its lovely to hear from you any time. But you never told me if you like your name and what is your name ? Can you imagine my tubelightness, I know your daughter's name but not yours !:bonk What blooming b ? Now don't make a blooming idiot of me,dear ! Thanks for peeping in inspite of your headache.


    Hi Ashwini
    Thanks for coming in. Ayyo papa ! your cousin going to school with Veenas and Jyothis and being Shringaramma ! ( no offense meant to that name) but kids are kids.Anyway, Shailaja is more exciting than that definitely. Changing names used to be that easy once upon a time ! Look the formalities now !
     
  9. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Jaya

    or Jayashhree, Jayu, Jai, Joya , whatever you are called, you are always Victorious. And what greater pride needed when our National Anthem ends with your name ! I liked your Teacher's presence if mind to mask her forgetfulness.:thumbsup So, perhaps we shd. now call you Jayarose ! Thanks for appreciation, Joy !


    Hi Susri Meera
    Thank you, Glad you liked it. I am gladder that you have no complaints about your name. Why should you have anyway. Meera is such a melodious name !:)
     
  10. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear TL/Lakshmi

    what a wonderful post that takes one on a journey through name changes, names, village and back to the world of glamour! I thoroughly enjoyed your style! Classic! That's the word that comes to my mind.I wish I could write like that!

    I was named after my grandma which is ______ Lakshmi. The blank part is the name of a hindu goddess. But, luckily this was used only once in my wedding invitation with an alias. Fortunately, my uncle was merciful enough to give me a short and easily utterable name.

    The name I am known by is too short and no one could shorten it any further whether i am their pet or not. I could have chosen atleast an interesting username like some of you IL's if I had an ounce of imagination.
    But I probably wouldn't respond if addressed by any other name.

    I am nominating this post!
     

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