My son, my teacher;

It happened some 17 years or so back.
My son, Krishna, was around 10 and daughter, Jay, 12 years then.
By nature Krish was mild and Jay more aggressive. In school and with outsiders, Jay was highly supportive of Krish - a protective & ideal elder sibling.
However, on issues concerning their mutual interests, Jay used to bully Krish and have her way, knowing fully well he wouldn't retort.
Initially, I used to wonder and feel proud of Krishna's accommodating nature.
Over a period it started bugging me. I did not want Krish to develop as a door-mat.
As a child, I was also basically considered an accommodating kid and my elder brother Mani, an aggressive one. But, I never let my elder brother bully me or get the better of me, without offering some resistance atleast.
Similarly, I expected Krish to atleast offer a semblance of resistance to Jay's bullying, in their one-on-one interactions. But it was not to be so.
I did not want to openly suggest him to put his foot down, as it could affect the siblings' relationship in the long run. Instead, whenever time permits, I used to counsel Jay. Even though such counselling had some effect for a few days, the original equation was back soon.


It was a Sunday and I was busy reading a book.
Krish and Jay were playing chess nearby.
Krish was a good chess player, having represented his school in district level tournaments.
Suddenly, I found Jay raising her voice at Krish and I knew fully well that she was upto bullying him on some chess move.
Krish in turn was just laughing and kept repeating that what she desired was not an acceptable move in the game of chess.
Jay then threw tantrums, announced that the game was cancelled and left the scene.
There upon, I called Krish and asked him the provocation for Jay's behaviour. As Jay was about to lose, perhaps she created the scene with an intention to cancel the game, so that she won't be called the loser.

I couldn't contain myself and asked Krish how he could maintain his composure and laugh away such tantrums.
His reply amazed me no ends. Infact, it was a lesson I learnt from the kid that day when he said, " Look, Dad. How long are we going to be together? - may be another 5 years or so. Thereafter she would go her way and me, mine - college / hostel, career etc. Atbest, she could bully me only till then. I love her a lot and very well know so does she to me. As such, these minor irritants are non-issues. Also, to think of that someone is born somewhere and is being brought up blissfully unaware of the fact that he was destined to face Jay's on onslaught, as her husband, for life, tickles me no ends. For him it is going to be a life term, comparing to which, mine is peanuts."

Eventhough, Krish said this in a lighter vein, as usual laughing, it was a great truth unveiled through the words of a child -
" Your difficult periods do not last for ever; So learn to look at the positives awaiting you rather than languishing on today's perceived set-backs".
Perhaps, this is what "Thunbam vantha velayile siringa" meant. I was dumb founded.

For the benefit of IL friends, both Krish and Jay are happily married and settled abroad now.
Krish, an MS in Comp Science lives in US and Dr.Jay lives in UK.
They continue to be as close as ever and both laugh aloud whenever they reminisce Jay's childhood bullying and Krish's reactions.

Anbudan,
Rrg

*****************

Loved to read the way Krish acted in a matured manner....which even... we adults cannot do at times........

my sweet son is also just like Krish.....always my daughter is excused saying that she is very much younger than him ....

-sunitha

Thanks for your FB, Sunitha.
Yes, the maturity level shown by small kids amazes the grown ups many a time.
Cheers!
Rrg

Sir,
You said correctly we learn from children and from others. I have many occassions learnt from my son.
Last year Diwali it was my DH's birthday & his sister had invited all of us to go to her place for lunch. Usually every one comes to my MIL's house and we celebrate together. Last year was different routine and i knew my DH was not so happy.
My son asked me just 2 days before "Mummy what are you doing for papa's birthday". I said "since we all had lunch at aunty's house , dinner we three will have quietly at home". My DH is v.v.close to his mom,sis and brothers and he is always happy when he is surrounded by him. My son asked me "papa will be happy with 3 of us or all his family together?" I said "he will be happy with his family members". My son said" then mummy do that". I felt ashamed of my selfish desire (like a possessive wife) to keep my DH with me instead of sharing him with his family which makes my DH happy.
I was so happy my son had this sharing attitude
Jaya

Dear Rrg,
Childhood bullying between siblings is the most happiest part of their lives
which they can recollect with a smile later on! Loved your son's reaction , very mature and thoughtful, keeps the bond intact!

Hi Sir,

You know what, you have actually taught a lesson to me today by sharing an incident in your life. I am a person who keeps cribbing as soon as I see that something might go wrong in the future. I would surely handle it when I need to, but at first I crib and complain and make hell out of the issue and my DH's life also.

Your quote "Your difficult periods do not last for ever; So learn to look at the positives awaiting you rather than languishing on today's perceived set-backs " is too good.

I always enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for the wonderful snippet and All the very best to your kids!

Dear Mr. Rrg,

I am reminded of the proverb

"Out of the mouths of babes, oft times come gems"

Children are very perceptive and they have a deeper insight into things we are aware of but usually disregard...
so when they say something like Krish, the adult wisdom and understanding takes our breath away...

Very enjoyable post,

Regards,
Padma

Dear Jaya,
Thanks for your FB and sharing one of your own experience.
In many ways, I do consider my children as my best teachers - from whom I learnt many a silent lessons.
Such instances do give us great joy when we reminisce.
Cheers!
Rrg

Dear JK,
I am in full agreement with you.
Thanks for your FB.
Cheers!
Rrg

Dear Shrikha,
Thanks for your FB, compliments and best wishes for my kids.
I am pleased to hear that you find my quote appealing.
Cheers!
Rrg