Why do we women put family first above everything else?

Deaf woman · Aug 16, 2009

Friends, I too suffer from this malady and hence my question to you all.
Let me put forth my 2cents here.Hope you will share your opinions too .
Giving priority to family starts only after marriage .Before marriage its all about
Me and myself .In childhood ,we rule the house expecting our parents to dance to our tunes.
In teens ,friends play a vital role and parents take a back seat and we only need their permission to go out with friends and relaxation of some curfew time according to our needs.
Then comes the big change in our life “Marriage”.This is the starting point where our identity and priorities change of course willingly too.Life revolves around DH and In laws.
Our college mates if ever they call or want to meet us ,we allow it only when it is accepted by our new family .This continues till a child is born and then we change accordingly to make our child the centre of our life ,justifiably so I feel.But all these changes are only happening in a woman’s life and men aren’t facing this much upheaval in their lives. Or am I being feministic here? Even when the children are grown up and the family settled to a routine ,many women rarely enjoy their time with friends or go out even if they do not have any financial constraints to do so.Why do women do that?Do you think its selfish to make time for ourselves or are is it in our genes to be so?

iyerviji · Aug 16, 2009

In a women's life everything changes after marriage. After marriage she can go out with the permission of her husband and in laws. Some women dont bother and take their own decision. After the child is born we have to give first preference to the child then only think about our enjoyment. Men are independent and they take their own decisions.

love
viji

archana2008 · Aug 17, 2009

Hi Vijji,
A very thought provoking discussion. I feel days are changing a bit these days where women started giving priority for their own lifes.
ofcourse not 100% like men, but yes it started a little. Once married i started having feeling MINE. MY HOUSE, MY DH, and now MY DD. so they moved top on my priority list. not that i ignore my friends, but cannot help it when everyone says they are busy cannot keep calling from one side always. you are not being feministic, but you pointed out very nice topic. not sure why other women do so, but as per me, if any friend keeps contact, then i too reciprocate and maintain friendship. it is a two way track. regarding taking time out, weekly once atleast i make it a point to take time for myself. do my own window shopping either alone or with another lady friend. i feel relaxed this way. i send my DH sometimes
outside specifically and stay alone at home to enjoy time with myself he keeps wondering what i do it is not at all selfish to take time for ourself. and when we do so i felt we become more close with DH after that time of atleast 1 hour separation

Cheers
Archana

Jpatma · Aug 17, 2009

Hi,
Very true, most often we realize we are more concerned abt our family and place them above our needs.
But there is nothing to grunt about it, its because we love them so much "I" changes to "We". This is another form of love which is often innate in all women. When we love some one deeply and sincerely,others needs and wants get prioratized.
Well ! there are also many women who give importance to their own time and need. There is nothing wrong in it.

I always believe we have the option to decide shd we keep sometime for ourselves or not. I generally request my late DH to go out with his friends while i stay home and have a quiet time for myself.
The love of a mother and wife is exceptional, or a woman- it just gives and gives with very little expectation.
Please view the situation as another life learning lessons where we evolve.
Jaya

Deaf woman · Aug 17, 2009

That's true viji mam.Change is inevitable in everyone's life but more so in women's life i feel.Thanks for the visit and your valuable comments.
vijji

Deaf woman · Aug 17, 2009

kudos to you archana.A happy woman enriches the lives of the whole family ,be it DH ,ds or inlaws .The other day i invited my friend to have lunch out and she refused saying that her son will be alone at home if she joins me.Her son is a 20 yr old :spinItsn't as though she is leaving a toddler unattended at home.I wonder if we are programmed to never think of ourselves at all .But your FB made me feel better about today's women and may you continue to be so and be a role model to others.
vijji

Deaf woman · Aug 17, 2009

Dear jaya mam,
You have added another dimension to woman's psyche.True its a kind of lesson .Resentment shouldn't creep in when we do this and we should be aware that we are not coerced but its our choice to be so .If a woman tries to put herself first ,we shouldn't call her selfish just as we never do in the case of men doing the same.Thanks for your fb.
Viji.

supraja · Aug 19, 2009

vijji a very good topic you have brought up...what i feel is most of the points which you have covered is true ..but according to the present sutivation these days women are not like earlier they are independent but what happens is sometime we are suppose to go with the sutivation in this treditional Indian Culture.....

Deaf woman · Aug 20, 2009

Dear supraja,
I agree . I too noticed the difference in today's youth which i feel is a welcome change.Thanks for your visit.
vijji

krsri79 · Aug 20, 2009

Hi it is not that we are forced to change but it happens. For example if we take a baby first he will start crawling, then sitting and then slowly walking all these are part of life. If the baby has crossed the crawling stage and goes to the next next stages it doesnt mean that it is bad or it has changed completely. The time is changing.Similarly when we were kids we have certain responsibilities and when we begun to grow our responsibilities,our habits,our preferances etc are also changing. So this is natural. Nowadays even men do change but they dont crib like what we do so we dont come to know about it.