I almost thought iam tiger woods

Oath : I promise that no Divine will be brought in this post, HE/SHE will remain a spectator.


One fine day I decided I am going to play golf , why ? It will be walking exercise, plus social exercise and knowledge exercise.

1) I was in the golf committee ,often taking minutes of the meeting etc & most often I found the committee discussed golf rules and etiquettes and mode of play etc. I used to jot it like a parrot and I used to seek help from other golfers for more details. So I thought why not I play golf and meanwhile learn all golf rules

2) My metabolic disorder ( I blame my weight gain to this) was prompting me to do more physical exercise and paucity of time (well that was my excuse) prevented me from spending long hours in the club. Now with my work that required me to improve my knowledge I thought my walking during the play would be like exercise. Two mangoes in one stone.

3) Then my DH was playing golf and I was always relegated to drivers post after the golf games, ended up driving him from the club. We were 180 degrees apart in everything, while he was born sports man , who excelled in every game while I was always a spectator , would be happy to sit in one corner with my books. I thought again if I play golf I will have some quality time with him resonating on the frequency of golf lingo and their nuances with him. Who says we don’t go out to make life interesting even after decades of marriage?

My objectives being well defined , I sought a golf professional to teach me golf. Must admit it is not cheap to buy a ladies golf set, however ,my DH in his enthusiasm to see DW taking some interest in sports got a golf set. Aesthetic appeal pleased me though I was ignorant the type of clubs I need. Now I needed a golf shoe , & quality is very important and so I coaxed my DH to get me golf shoes from the gift vouchers he had from his winnings golf tournaments. I promised to pay for my lessons and sourced a handsome Caucasian as my golf pro.

Then came my attire, noticed most ladies wore colorful pants and t-shirts with all matching socks and wrist band . I went shopping for those colorful & camouflaging pants that does not show my unsightly bulges. Resorted to darker clothes hoping it will give an appearance of slim jaya and horizontal lines were out from the wardrobe. Then noted most lady golf pros were using shorts, so I went to get a few shorts for the play, somehow I noticed my DH was jeering at my bow legs. I knew I can’t do anything abt my legs and cellulites orange peel can’t be hidden as it was revealing my age.

Now that I was settled with attire, I wanted a visor or cap to match my attire. Then again a hole in my purse to find the matching, floral and maximum shaded caps. Few varieties were added to my collections.

I knew I have to buy sun block to protect from the sun uv rays & all those articles abt how the sun rays are harmful were disturbing me. Shd it be SPF 15 or 30 , I was going for the maximum number hoping it will protect me from suntan. If the shop keeper had said it is 100 I would have blindly bought it.

Suddenly I got anxious of my hands, the callous that will be formed, there ladies gloves in pastel shades were available for both the hands, duly I needed to purchase few sets as it has to match my attire.

Now that I had a beautiful golf set, ensured that golf bag looked feminine and my attire well matching though not to my abilities, a cap to go with, sun block generously spread out my face and hand, imagining that I am going to be another Tiger woods in making went for my first lessons.

The golf pro had very pleasant manners coupled with charm and wit and quick to put me at ease. Even though he knew my inability in sports he kept praising me at my feeble attempts. As he wanted to gauge my stroke to hit the ball, he said : “Jaya , take the club no.7 and address the ball first, and then take a swing and hit , then I will know how many classes you need”?
I mentally said “as many classes you want I am ready”.

Well I thought I followed his instructions, I raised the club ,took a back swing and hit the ball imaging it is going to fly like a bird and drop at 200 m far. I looked up I didn’t see any ball flying, assumed my eye sight is failing, waited for the ball dropping, I could hardly see it falling on to the grass.

My pro said “ Jaya the ball is still in front of you, you have hit the ground instead of ball and you have taken out a chunk of grass leaving a divot”.

I said “ Did I miss the ball?”.

He said “ you have not connected the club to the ball, how do you expect to lift the ball”?
As he was giving me further instruction, he told “ Jaya to get a good distance as you raise your clubs shift your weight to the left and when you hit the ball shift the weight to your right and get the momentum.

I said “ Shift weight , I only know abt gaining weight”. Few more attempts to hit the ball turned futile, I suppose the ball decided to be in its equilibrium.

Holding back my tears I said “so many tasks to be considered before hitting, I am sorry I thought I can hit the ball and we may have time to sing a song too just like in movies”.

His glare was sufficient to silence me, the sweet charming guy suddenly vanished into thin air. Then I noticed my pro wasn’t as handsome as I imagined him to be.

My DH was waiting for me in the club as I reached him from my fiasco in the driving range , he asked me how did the lessons go. I said in disdain manner, "the Pro is not very good in teaching , I will wait for the new pro to come".


Jaya