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My house is rocking,my sisters in law have come to their ‘maike’.

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by mithila kannan, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My house is rocking .My kitcen resembles a mini factory,five women are working there,they are my sisters in law,my husband’s younger sisters.One is cooking,one is nudging her aside, since she wants to make tea for herself,one is cutting a fruit,one is sitting on the kitchen platform and regaling her sisters with accounts of her MIL’s tantrums and the quiet one is standing there, quietly watching her sisters with an indulgent smile.My husband is crowding the tiny kitchen,he has placed a chair in the entrance and is enjoying their conversationas and jokes, butting in his long nose,every now and then.


    Every year these sisters come home to participate in their father’s annual ceremony.Most of the times, they stay over for a day and push off.They have their homes to run,if one sister’s son is having exams,the other one’s daughter can not do without her mother,yet another’ would not have got permission rom her MIL to stay in her maika for more than a day .But this year my husband told them well in advance that they have to stay with us atleast for a week and he also got permission from their in laws.


    Before I proceed further, I must tell you about my sisters in law .My eldest sister in law is my dh’s younger sister but is elder to me by many years.She is a calm and composed person.She enjoys cooking,much to my delight.Given a chance, she would spend all her waking hours in the kitchen.She cooks delicious food,snacks,sees to it that every body’s likes and dislikes are taken into consideration, when she draws the menu.She makes people sit and serves them,Anna poorani.


    The second sister, who is younger to me by many years is a different kettle of fish.I and this sil of mine don’t gel that much,I must confess to you.She gives the impression that Bhima and Nala have yet to learn a lot from her in the cookery department.But she is my dh’s younger sister and he is fond of his sister and so I am always nice to her.Another fact is, I admire her for her various qualities.She is an out and out homemaker.She takes excellent care of her family.She is a disciplined and organized person.I can hear her in the kitchen,”If you want you make beans subji Akka,please go ahead and make it,but ,I want to make carrot paruppu usili.”That’s all.She goes about taking out carrots,soaking dhal in water,Iam touched.She lives in a joint family and most of the times her likes and dislikes are kept aside.She has to cater to the likes of her in laws.This is one place she can make things of her choice.


    The third sister of my dh, is also a disciplined person.She always gives me the impression that had she desired ,she would not have allowed the second world war to have taken place.She likes to take rest when she visits us,she is the one who is sitting on the kitchen platform and chatting away.


    The fourth sister is the quiet one who is standing near her brother and watching the ‘galatta’She does not have strong likes and dislikes,goes with the stream.


    The youngest sister in law is very attached to her eldest brother, who is her father figure.She would take care of him and attend to him when she is with us.The eldest brother, I think, takes full advantage and orders her around,”bring my newspaper,bring my specs,come and sit near me,tell me all the Srirangam news”.She obliges.


    If you ask me,”What are you doing ,mithila, while your sils are taking care of your kitchen?Are you not the hostess?Should you not be taking care of them?”My dear, I sit in the sofa in our hall and enjoy whatever is happening in my house.


    I just don’t interfere in their cooking and making snacks and generally ruling the kitchen.I keep myself out of the way.They have come to their mother’s house,in my heart of hearts I want to make them feel comfortable here.I want to reassure them that this house is theirs ,as well.If they want I will cook for them,take them out and give them a good time.But I know my SILs.They want to be here, the same way they lived here before they got married.So I don’t butt in.


    I must congratulate myself.They have been very courteous,very respectful ,very caring towards me all these years.Even now, I get my steaming cup of coffee in my place.They make me sit with my dh and serve me food.When we praise them for their culinary skills,their faces beam with pleasure.This is what they want.


    The sisters are spending time together without any interference, for the first time in many years.I have seen to it that they have their privacy.Let them share their joys and sorrows. let them counsel each other,let them also have their minor squabbles, it is part of sibling relationship,no?


    My youngest sister in law comes to my dh,”Anna,I want to talk to you”They go and sit in the balcony.I can see that my sil is tense,she wants to tell him something ,may be about her in laws.I let it be.This is a very special moment for brother and sister.I don’t want to interfere.

    The sisters want to share some news or other with their brother.They seek him out.Do I feel bad?No,I know that as long as I don’t interfere, as long as I respect their feelings,they also will respect me and love me for that.I know and they know that the daughter in law of the house,however good she is, remains a stranger,or should I put it as an outsider only.I have no problems at all.Besides,they don’t want to talk about their problems to their brother,however minor it is,in front of me.Because Iam not only their sister in law,Iam also a woman and they consider it below their dignity to speak about any little squabble they have with their dhs or with their mils in front of me.I know this for sure because,Iam also a younger sister to a very affectionate brother you see.


    There is a saying,”Treat your relatives as your friends and your friends as relatives.”I try and follow this rule to the best of my ability.


    My husband seeks me out in the afternoon to tell me,”mythili,my sisters want to go to the Mylapore temple.We will eat out and return home.So get ready”.


    I answer him with my usual preamble.
    “I want to tell you something”.

    “Your sister Meena told me a couple of times, that before your marriage,when you were at Cuddalore you used to take them in your car during weekends.You would take them to the beach,you would get them ice creams ,sundals,cut mango pieces dipped in chilly powder.They will be happy if you take them out in the same fashion now also.Get them what they want,give them a good time.Let them be happy.I don’t want to come Iam not well,my cough has worsened.”My dh nods his head.


    The sisters are so happy.They look like school children who are getting ready to go out on their first picnic.

    They get in to the car and leave.The house is quiet and Iam as usual in front of the monitor typing away .


    To confide in you, I did not go out with them on purpose.Had I gone out with them,my dh’s whole attention would have been towards me.
    “Mythili have you taken your cough syrup?Have you taken enough lozenges?Cover your nose with mask.Don’t eat this,don’t eat that.Are you comfortable?”
    “Sisters of mine,let us not go to an AC restaurant,manni can’t bear AC.”


    I don’t want that.He is my dh and we belong to each other totally.Let him be their loving brother now,let the sisters enjoy his attention,I will remain in the background and enjoy the loving atmosphere.


    The brother and sisters return home by around ten o’ clock in the night.They are so thrilled.Again they look like kids who have reurned from their school picnic,waiting to share their fun with the others at home.

    “Manni!”they call me out.


    “So you had a good time!”I ask them.


    “Oh,manni we had a wonderful time.you know we were reminded of Anna taking us to the beach when we were in Cuddalore many years back”Meena’s voice trembled.

    “Manni, we ate cut mango pieces,Anna refused to carry home mango for you,he said,your throat will be affected.”Jaya was very apologetic.


    “Manni,Anna took us to the temple.After that he took us to the beach.Oh,my God, we had such fun,you know.We ate mangos,sundal,icecream,my God we were like mad.Anna was so sweet.Then he took us to a hotel for dinner.”


    “Manni,you ought to have come.Anna was remembering you all the time.He was constantly telling,”Manni likes his,manni likes that!”
    Now it was my turn to go red in the face.


    They sat on the table and showed me what all their brother had got for them.
    He had bought for them plenty of jasmine flowers,he had bought for them glass bangles of their choice,he had bought for them Tamil books,he also got for them some hair clips,fancy rubberbands for their children etc.


    For the first ime in my married life,I wish that my dh were a rich man.If he were a rich man, he would have bought for his sisters Kanjeevaram silks and may be jewellery also.But this retired brother could get them only these gifts ,gifts that they selected.But my sils are so very happy.The air in the house is full of mirth.


    Today morning,my sisters in law left for their respective homes.The house is quiet.I still feel the fragrance of their presence in our house.The fragrance that pure love and affection only can spread around.I pray to God to let this fragrance linger in our lives as long as we live.


     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2009
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  2. rajiravi

    rajiravi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Mythili mami,

    :wowWhat an interesting post!!!!! I really loved each and every line of it and the way you have penned it. It shows that what a wonderful person you are !!!!:hatsoff Hats off to you Mythili mami.

    Here, i would like to share a small incidence. First, i should say how close am I to my brother. Since my childhood, even though we are five, i liked my elder brother very much. When he finished his CA, he went to Delhi for job (my uncle was staying in Delhi at that time). That was the first time he was staying away from me. I felt so bad. When he came home for some festival, i literally cried like anything (i was 21 years), everybody shouted at me, and my chithi was telling "nee ivvalo pasama ellam irukka koodathu, apparum onaku oru manni vandhaparam, nee romba kashta paduva". But, by God's grace, i have got such a wonderful manni, she is such a nice person, she understands our relationship and closeness, she is so caring about me.

    When I read your writeup, it reminded about my manni and i took this opportunity to mention about her here.

    Abaloo Mythili mami.
     
  3. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    dear mithila,
    i want to give first fb to this beautiful post. you have made me remember my sisters who all used to do the same as you described.in a joint family " give and take " policy should be there. this you have beautifully brought in your post.
    having known them you allowed them to do whatever they want without bossing over them. that is why they feel free. the height is, you made them to relish their brother and sister relationship keeping away from going out. though we become old, there is a 'CHILD' this you have clearly and cleverly understood. i think your sils are very lucky to have a"manni" like you. but one thing they have also understood you that is why they did not grumble over when you stepped out from going out.why worry ? presenting costly sarees and jewels without pure affection and love are not all worthy.presentation given with love affection worth more.
    your sils also know this. so wipe away this thought from you. o.k. nicely written. enjoyed thoroughly.
    with love
    pad.

     
  4. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    :cheers:cheersto you mythili.

    Really good to know that you share a very good rapport with your SILs.

    My SIL and family are coming next month for a week for the first time to our own independent home. Hope to have a great time with them.

    Relationships are always a two way thing if one goes on trying but the other does not reciprocate then the relation dosen't last long. But at your place i see the warmth is from both the sides.
     
  5. rajiravi

    rajiravi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Padmini m'am,

    I took the liberty to be the first one to give the FB. :hiya I can say, i didn't want to miss that:).

    I want to add some more to my FB. Even in my in-laws place, it happens. My husband has 5 sisters and 3 brothers, and he is the youngest. Two of his sisters are no more. Whenever we have a family functions, only my three sister-in-laws will be there in the kitchen, and all of us will be like "edupidi"s for them, but we feel glad to be like that. They will be asking us to "grind chutney", "thengai thuvaradhu", etc, etc and we enjoy doing that. That's why, my SILs are visiting their "pirandha veedu" with ease, even after their sons and daughters are married. They know that how important they are in that house.

    As you have mentioned, money really does not matter when it comes to real paasam and bandham.
     
  6. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    oh Dear Mithilla madam,
    very well write,very interesting...really a great person you are:thumbsup defl'y they all are lucky to have manni like you:clap...really i feel how they all enjoyed....you just reminded my golden memories,thank you so much...
    Every year my athais will come to my house,my dad,my periappa,all my aunties sit together & talk about their golden memories,really it'll be very nice to hear their stories...i hope v'll(myself,my brother,sisters) do the same thing in future...:cheers
     
  7. sigmabeta

    sigmabeta Bronze IL'ite

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    Ma'am! I enjoyed the post to the core. The present day, when relations get sour at the mere click of the finger, its wonderful to see the kind of understanding between SIL's. You gave them the space they need and the happiness they seek in their mother's home, and they gave you the respect for giving them that freedom in their home, rather than them having to be as stiff as they would probably have to be at their IL homes.
    Nice post ma'am.
     
  8. dhivya rangarajan

    dhivya rangarajan Bronze IL'ite

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    WOW Mithila mam,

    I am awe-struck. It takes a lot of heart, warmth and compassion to let one's husband be the brother to sil after marriage. And you, even after all these years, have it in your hear to see them be happy and so be happy for yourself. WOW.

    Many women have issues, when they dont put themselves in each otehr's place. A mil is rude to her dil, but expects her daughter's mil to be sweet. Same with the reverse. A wife wants her husband for herself, not even occassionally be a brother - but expects her own brother to still keep her his priority! But you....... you understand exactly what a woman would like a brother to do, and let it be that way so graciously! I am sure your sils love you to bits.

    Know what, mam? Me too...... :)

    I love the way you tkae on life with your relations.. And I love the phrase: Treat ur friends like relatives, and relatives like friends.

    Having a sil myself, I know exactly what to do now, mam....

    Love you loads,
    Dhiv...
     
  9. crossiants

    crossiants Senior IL'ite

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    mithila maam,
    every one is not as lucky as your sister in laws,evern we four sisters have one brother,who hardly has any time for we sisters,he is very busy with his family his darling wife,daughter and new born son.he believes in keeping his wife and all others happy,but when it comes to my mother and we sisters his wife has to beg him,u might think his wife is good,but she does it for god fears and not with heart.i wish all families and all sisters have brothers like that of your dh and sister in law like u and yours.but one thing for sure i loved reading your post,and your brought tears.but my husbnad and his siters we share same relations like that of yours.a very nice write up.
     
  10. jaishree9

    jaishree9 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear mithila
    A beautiful narration of the The "Maika " A very understanding Bhabhi like you is a MUST for the SIl to enjoy Maika after their parents are no more.
    It is not the big gifts but the small gifts with feelings which are remebered always.
     

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