Patience- A boon or a bane?!

anaamika · Feb 17, 2009

When I was asked to fill the form, I didn't know, these two words would set me thinking so! A chain of thoughts in search for the truth…….yet another search to discovering myself!!
My daughter was looking over while I filled the form. Firstly I did with my personal details, and then came the “two words”…….3 of ‘your strengths’. It took only 2 secs for the first word to come to mind! As I was about to pen it down, my daughter said “patience”!! Wow!! I thought…..She knew it?? I never realized she observed this quality of mine, which I lived silently.
(friends, not that am loaded with virtues, only the first one came so quick!! It took me some time to think over….for the other too!! I even thought of “phone-a-friend” !!)

Now back to the point. Actual pondering started when I saw the next column, which said ‘3 of your weaknesses’. It came again…..patience!! That’s when I realized…….though my patience has got me through the thickest and it probably has given me a lot in life, I feel it has been a curse lot many times!! I donno if I can say ‘curse’, but yes, I have wished many a times , I could do better than just silently accept things /people the way they are !! I have lost many opportunities for myself, giving opportunity to people around me….my kids my hubby, as well as others. On second thoughts……uummmm, it wasn’t a loss totally…yeh?!! But then, my patience serves me or others??!!

A dine-out plan at home, I find myself the odd one out when it comes to choice of place! Even if my hubby agrees to go to place of my choice, he takes me there…till the door, and seeing the crowded place, he decides we go to another place(his choice)!! No patience…..and he wins!! Or should I say, patience and I lose?

Coming back home from a walk, or tennis, or beach, he gets to use the shower first. No patience, he wins!

My daughter suddenly wants to shop for handbag. No, not because she needs it for the next day, but she is in the “mood” to shop NOW, and I’m down with a headache. Doesn’t take long , we end up in a mall!! No patience, she wins!! Patience, I lose!

The regular maintenance guy, if I call he takes days or even weeks to show up; my hubby calls, he rings our door bell in 2 hrs time! He knows the kind of patience my hubby has. Ok, in this case….. 'we’ gain!!

Well, Over the years I have practised impatience over my patience, where required!!

One statement I often here is , “how do you tolerate it?”
Thinking about it, tolerance is a temporary state, it is not a virtue but a suppressed state of mind, which creates only negativity…..may be not for others but yourself. Patience comes naturally. Tolerance is refraining yourself from doing something?? Is patience lack of self- focus, or will or motive?? I don’t feel I lack these though. Leaves me wondering!! But personal experience says its not lack of anything…..its just too much of something!!!

Patience is one thing, most people wish to have , not for themselves, but the person across them!!
Patience is one of the greatest virtues, but beyond a limit , it ceases to be a virtue. Patience can protect you from wrongs, but too much of it would never serve you right either. Patience in abundance, one can make his/her life a runway for others to run over!!

For all those who wish they were a little more patient……please, think again!! Impatience is not that bad too!! Impatience is what takes you to your goal faster than you’d think! Impatience stimulates the quest for knowledge! Impatience is why people don’t take you for granted! Impatience is what takes you to lead the rest! Well, patience is certainly not that bad too!! Imagine doctors/surgeons or counselors with no or less patience!! So, we do need patience, but I sincerely pray God gives patience in balance, to all !!

Patience, one finds when it comes to doing things you like or with people you love! You don’t have patience for things not of your interest! Like women complain about their men having no patience to wait at the hospitals, or go to the child’s PTA’s , or queque up to pay bills, but have all the patience in the world when it comes buying liquor, even if takes hours in the queque. BTW, Did you know, in kerala, the orderliness you find in the queque at liquor shops during onam or Christmas, you’ll not find it anywhre else!!

Back to the point, Is patience a boon or a bane??!! The conflict is not in my mind , but between the head and the heart…. Nonetheless, I am too comfortable with my patience to go anywhere near impatience!!

Arunarc · Feb 17, 2009

Dear Anaamika
Wow a nice write up on patience.
A feel it is both a boon and a bane.
Being patience sometimes a mighty mountain too can melt down, for example if you keep tolerating a person it encourages that person to hurt you more.
on the other hand if you give back immediately they think you are a rude person.
But patience is one of the most valuable virtues of life................

iyerviji · Feb 17, 2009

Dear Anaamika

Very good post. They say Patience and perseverance overcome mountains. In some cases patience is necessary. For ladies patience is a must. Some men dont have patience at all. I feel sometimes it is a boonand sometimes it is a bane. Lets see what others have to say.
Enjoyed reading your post.
love
viji

Sabitha_K · Feb 17, 2009

Anamika , I can't say more than what Viji and Aruna have already spoken about being both a bane and a boon.

According to me, too much of anything has an adverse affect and the same holds good for patience.Too much of medicine can cause lethal effects similarly if you are an epitome of patience then probably you need to see if someone is taking undue advantage of your behavioral nature.

Ansuya · Feb 18, 2009

Anaamika

It's not often I read or leave feedback for posts of this nature on IL, but I was rather impressed by your piece of writing. Not only is the content of your post worth reading, but you have also expressed your thoughts very well.

I was struck particularly by how balanced your analysis is. It is easy for us to automatically assume patience is a virtue we should all strive for, and indeed, it seems to be a prerequisite for the "good" Indian woman. But your insightful discussion had so much more to offer, and I do appreciate your making me consider an alternative view.

There was also some personal interest in this topic for me - I have a fridge magnet reminding me to be patient because it's not something that comes easily to me! My husband, on the other hand, has endless patience. Perhaps we're a good match because we balance each other in this regard

Jokes aside, however, it bothers me a bit that patience is typically considered a woman's virtue, and impatience a man's prerogative. We shouldn't be applying double standards for behaviour based on gender.

In an ideal world, no one should have to show impatience to get things done or avoid having others walk all over them, but as you so perceptively note, in this world and time, too much patience can be counter-productive and set a bad precedent.

I also liked your unusual view on tolerance, something which, like patience, is usually considered to be highly desirable. I agree with you that tolerance, in some contexts, can cause frustration and suppression of energy in the one doing the tolerating, and in excess, this cannot be good for heart, body, or soul.

Thanks for altering my perception slightly - that's one of the defining marks of a good piece of writing.

Oviya · Feb 18, 2009

Dear Anaamika,

What a brilliant post on patience!

I loved reading it, buddy. So, nominated it here.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/f...t-february-2009-nominations-8.html#post569888

The flow and your style of narration all captured me. Would like to read more from you.

Isn't practising patience a balancing act? My Dad is always at the peak of his patience which makes him go very lenient on things. It is taken advantage of, by more number of people, though his life is a proof for 'Good deeds are paid off'.

In my Dad's words;
It depends the one who is practising it, too. If he/she is contented in the way of living, then it is not a problem. At the end of the day one's own happiness matters.

Jpatma · Feb 18, 2009

Dear Anaamika,
Beautiful post, thoughts are well collected and written in beautiful manner.
I do agree with you at times patience is boon at times is bane. Iam by nature very patient and my DH v.v.impatient. I notice he gets things done faster than me when dealing with others or subordinates.
But in the process impatient people tends to hurt others due to sharp commands/tongue. Iam just thinking aloud : shd we hurt others with tongue ? My DH always says when comes to dealing with labor class (with no malice) he says he has to be harsh and loud to get things done, he always makes fun of me when i try to talk to them politely, he says it will not hold water. May be true , my Dh gets work done & leads every one.

I suppose we need to weigh the situation, & be patient or impatient. But if your innate nature is patient we can't do much. But again i notice the type of job you have one tends to develop the attributes needed for it.

May God bless you.
Jaya

Sriniketan · Feb 18, 2009

anaamika,
A very good post..discussing about patience..
I am being regarded in the family as the most-tolerable person...I think this comes automatically as you had mentioned and also from genes..i owe this so called virtue to my mom and grandma..
True it is a boon...and to support that..there is a saying in Tamil, which says...if you practice patience, you can rule the world and the like...
It applies to both the genders...I can include my dh in this...he is the most tolerable person I have seen..even my family adores him for this quality..:thumbsup
It becomes a bane when people take you for granted and expect you to be calm and tolerated amidst the storm in the house, where you cannot take it anymore..
Good virtues are boons by themselves..it becomes a bane only through the eyes of the people whom we deal with..who has a different view of us..
sriniketan

Mindian · Feb 18, 2009

dear anaamika,

a very well written post... and these lines are so true..
Patience is one thing, most people wish to have , not for themselves, but the person across them!!
Patience is one of the greatest virtues, but beyond a limit , it ceases to be a virtue. Patience can protect you from wrongs, but too much of it would never serve you right either. Patience in abundance, one can make his/her life a runway for others to run over!!

regarding whether it is a boon or a bane srini has explained it oh,so very well ...

anyway i am not the one to talk about patience, dear since it is not one of my virtues at all and the best one in my hubby.. we all just love him for this (because like many have said a woman is suppossed to have it in her but it is ok if the man is impatient..now who makes such laws i wonder..it has nothing to do with gender at all) and have learnt from him how to be patient (though between u and me I am still in the learning process:hide:...)

nice post anaamika:thumbsup

love
Mindi

gsaikripa · Feb 18, 2009

anamika,
A very good post..discussing about patience..
Iwhat srini has said, it is true.I can include my FIL in this list...he is the most tolerable person .he was looking his mother ,after that his wife... during ill-ness time.both were affected by cancer.that time my DH was studying in the college....
i have to learn patience from my FIL.