Rab ne kaise bana dhi yeh jodi....

Mindian · Jan 7, 2009

<o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="City"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype> Rab ne kaise bana dhi yeh jodi….no I am not here to talk about this utterly disappointing movie from my favourite actor SRK, but yes, these were my thoughts as hubby dear and I were happily returning after dinner and a late night show of the movie….…

It has been more than two decades since I met my hubby for the first time. A purely arranged match and I will not go into the details as I want to stick to my title…we met each other first at my place, then at his (all well chaperoned) then once alone at a restaurant and decided, ok we could spend the rest of our lives together. I did not hear any bells from above saying he is the right man for me nor did I see GOD in him. We got engaged and then had a long courtship of six months, painting the city of <st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Mumbai</st1lace></st1:city> ,red and all the possible colors. Here I must mention that he literally swept me off my feet with gifts, fine dining, movies and after marriage even took me to Europe for our honeymoon. Way back then it was a big deal and all my friends wanted to know if he had a like-minded brother ready for marriage.

Then once the euphoria settled down, slowly we started realising how different we were mainly in the temperament zone…...

Back then….

He was patient and calm …I was anything but that.
I believed in God…he did not.
He proclaimed he was a descendant of Aurangzeb when it came to music…I LOVED music.
His idea of a weekend would be either the TV or a book….I loved to go out.
He thought one should not ever raise his/her voice…I was always shouting.
He believed one should always show one’s love for the other person whether it is your parents, spouse or child….well, I was the most practical person around and thought it was understood, I am staying with them, am I not?....duh?
His idea of a romantic evening would be to hold hands, and walk across the full stretch of a beach looking at the sunset but I would walk for five minutes and start looking out for a chaat stall to sit and enjoy my pani puri.
He was a sports buff while I loved the movies.

Well we worked very hard on our relationship and some days REALLY HARD! Many people tell me that they have found their soul mate in their spouse. And I am wonder struck…is that really true? And yet we have lived quite happily for twenty years (I say quite because there have been days when some explosive fire crackers and sparklers have lit up our whole house)

But Now…

His calmness has been infectious and last month my doctor was surprised at how more than normal my BP was….we are both calm and patient (well, ME? , almost,)

He takes me to any temple I want. I have really not seen him pray but at least he stands with hands folded and smiles that HIS God is within him.

His favourite song to sing to me is tere bina zindagi mein …the fact that he is totally out of tune is another matter but makes me want to kiss him for the effort …

We are happy with office, home, TV and Books during the week and enjoy my home cooked meals (maybe sometimes not as good as his mothers cooking but that’s fine with me….after all I learnt cooking from her only) during weekends with our favorite DVDs….

I only SING loudly, hardly SHOUT…….. (It never got me results anyway)

I have become very demonstrative whether it is to him or my dd ,a hug and a kiss speaks volumes. I am always appreciative of my parents and convey the same to them, at every chance I get.

WE now watch the sports channel AND the movies, go for our morning walks in the jogging track of our condominium, so that I can come back home anytime (some things do not change).…

Today I feel we have become soul mates…almost always I know what he is thinking or what he is going to say next and that will have both of us laughing. What he has given or taught me would make a book and I may write that and present it to him on our silver wedding anniversary .I thank RAB that he did make this Jodi and did not give up on us.

[FONT=&quot]Do let me know how many of you out here are soul mates, have become soul mates or are in the process of becoming one.[/FONT]

iyerviji · Jan 7, 2009

Dear Mindian

Wonderful post. You rightly said Rab ne kaise bana dhi yeh jodi. Me and my husband also have differences ofopinion in many things. In some things he is not so modern especially in dressing up. He has come through hard life so does not bother about dressing. I like going for outing, go for movies but he is not interested much in that.

But he is a very caring person. When I was working he has helped a lot in cooking in everything I can say. He is a gem of a person though heis little short tempered. He used to bring the children to the station when I used to come from office.

Now in old age we are enjoying our retired life together. It is at this time that we need each other. He does lot ofsocial work so I dont go out so that when he comes home I am there. When I was working he has helpted me a lot and now it is my duty to be of help to him. I go out only with him. Only sometimes if needed I go with my friends. I am also very happy with him.

Jpatma · Jan 7, 2009

Dear Mindi,
I feel you are writing abt my jodi. Gosh ! it is the same here ,both of us are 180 degrees apart in everything .Ya ! i had even thought of packing my bags and return to India (Mumbai),but somehow when i look back i feel like laughing.

Well today people seek our advice as to how we have managed.
Really rab ne bana di jodi
Jaya

Jpatma · Jan 7, 2009

Dear Mindi,
I feel you are writing abt my jodi. Gosh ! it is the same here ,both of us are 180 degrees apart in everything .Ya ! i had even thought of packing my bags and return to India (Mumbai),but somehow when i look back i feel like laughing.

Well today people seek our advice as to how we have managed.
Really rab ne bana di jodi
Jaya

Vidya24 · Jan 7, 2009

Dear Mindi,

I must say one thing- after reading your temperament in the Back then…. and ' But Now…', I am firmly convinced - maybe you and husband are soulmates.But you and I we seem to be greater soul mates.

What a great piece rejoicing over the union of two minds and souls. And so heartening to see a piece that celebrates the differences that so make for the success of any marriage. A piece that has love, earthiness and philosophy all embedded in it. Love your natural, no gloss, no frills and fancies- all told well and wise style.

Yesterday, Jan6th was the our engagement anniversary. 14 years back Ramji and I got engaged on that day in the Goregaon Raamar Kovil. And the next day when we went to SiddhiVinayak, Marine Drive and Taj for dinner- we started discovering that we are two strong willed people with many minds to boot.I was mercurial, a staunch believer in God,voice always high decibel, eyes roving to find the nearest chaat wallah. Husband was just the opposite. And added to it, I was unforgiving, he very easy on a fault. I was laid back, he very ambitious.

Over the month we painted Bomaby red and purple blue and green visiting Naaz cafe, temples, Planetarium, Juhu,Chowpatti and many,many hotels-Kailas Parbat, Copper chimney,Khyber,Mathurawallah. Ah, those days---

And now, husband is happy to settle down in Trivandrum with its one traffic signal. He drives me to temples but stands out while I pray long. He has put the fear of Ecoli in me, so I stopped chaat. And while I still remain unforgiving, he teaches me yet again by forgiving me, that there is no virtue as gentle as a forgiving heart.

Great piece,Mindi. Brought back many happy memories.Love you---

Kamla · Jan 7, 2009

Dearest Mindian,

I simply could not log out without giving a fb to this excellent piece from you!:thumbsup

At first, I thought you had read into my mind and life and are writing about us..me and my better half!! Looks like you have touched many ladies here on the right nerve.

When you write about your hubby, it could well have been mine and I was like you too and must add, I am still like that only!!

Yet, we have discovered that we have created a world of our own where we cannot exist without the other. You mention two decades, we have crossed three decades!! Only, we are a bit more hesitant to express vociferously any more as our children look embarrassed in front of their spouses!!!! Besides, we have now come to terms with the way we are and have realized that what you marry is what you get..ha ha.

Now, he makes it a point to take me out for lunches and dinners and stands 'with hands folded' at temples while I pray less consciously (of him!). I still prefer watching my mindless Hindi movies while he watches his science fictions which are mindless! I listen to my MSS while he dabbles with his saxaphone. Life goes on and my world revolves around him and I know it is the same with him.

Thank God for the little and kind mercies.

L, Kamla

Laks09 · Jan 7, 2009

Mindian,
I'm new here. Thank you for your post. We are getting ready to celebrate our milestone 10th Anniversary this year and reading about you and your husband and all the responses to your post, I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives with each other. We are extremely happy today but I always wondered what will happen as we age? I hope 10 yrs from now, we still feel the same way about each other.
It is funny, how in the first couple of years of marriage, I always thought that our marriage was in its prime and things would not be the same after the "honeymoon phase"! Actually, we understand each other better today than 8 yrs ago.
Little did I realize that we would be here today, with a stronger, deeper more meaningful relationship looking forward to making it stronger as the years pass.

Thank you for your post.

Sriniketan · Jan 7, 2009

Mindi,
A very nice post, which made me think..Big Laughand look back..
Both of us are religious,( he has some reservations in that field..).which I pay no attention to..
Both of us have a calm personality...but when comes to 'take care' of children, I will be at my highest pitch..

He is very strict about egg-based food items, gelatin, etc...but I used to argue with him that we can go without those...but don't impose on children, as they eat outside the house and cannot look for those ingredients.provided they don't eat non-veg. ( no offense to anyone, please)he is a strict vegetarian, me too....he will not compromise...so the children prefer to come with me for shopping Big Laughand we 'hide' those things and they eat later on.
I like his attitude of 'do things by yourself, if you can'...takes on me now..as I also prefer to do things by myself...
Helping others in need...he does to what extent he can..
I am in that area too...so no problem
He is not into movies much...but I do watch some movies earlier...but not now..
I had accepted him with +s and _es..so does he...
In some areas, I have the frustation...but I don't pay heed to it..

let me leave it to you to decide on..what a perfect couple we are..:rotfl

sriniketan

Anandchitra · Jan 8, 2009

Mindi
The title definetly misled me but I still thought I should check this and very glad I did. This only confirms that you are a terrific writer my friend.
So simple and well written , I enjoyed reading every line.
Since you have asked your readers to share I am going to venture with mine
My husband and I have also gone through Back then and But Now phases ..
Over the years I had slowly begun to discover a fact about us :
We did not have to talk to convey our thoughts.
Countless of times he knows EXACTLY what I am thinking, what I need or want or should have and I always know what my husband thinks, needs or want or must have.
It has been the most fullfilling experience for me to walk beside my husband.
I now know that I am walking this earth with one of the BEST of men,my husband.

charuchitthra · Jan 8, 2009

Dear Mindi ji,

Thats such a good post. You really should keep writing more . You have the great gift of interalcing humour in anything you write. Hats off to you.

Me and my hubby are still in the learning process.Married for 3 years now, I feel we r the exact opposites. Ours is actually a love marriage later arranged by parents. I think we would have been the only couple who fought when we were friends, after we got engaged and we still do fight. He s simple n down to earth. He tolerates my temper so far. MY voice which is on the highest decibel all the time (when am angry r excited r irritated) has stopped bothering him. I know he loves me like crazy cos so do I. So I think our marriage ll also be a ripe one . I like the thought of ageing together with him. I just hope my temper mellows down soon. Great piece of writing.

Regards,
CC