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Are we not friends, Yet?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Lalitha Shivaguru, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. Lalitha Shivaguru

    Lalitha Shivaguru Platinum IL'ite

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    [justify]
    Today morning was a very hectic day. The demand for breakfast was soft phulkas and potatoes. Loading my washing machine with clothes and went to the kitchen to have my regular hot cuppa and along with it started preparations for the breakfast. Unfortunately yesterday my elder daughter was slightly unwell and was on medications and she could not get up early. Finally managed to wake both daughters and went to clean the courtyard and put rangoli. Came back made phulkas and suddenly I remembered that this was the day my CEO had decided to visit us and I had to be at office little early. But my younger one was her usual self…. Slow in getting dressed, literally I had to pull her and make her get dressed. In this utter confusion, the power also played a truant and my machine stopped mercilessly. Time was ticking fast and prayed God why did he give only two hands and two legs maybe another flexible body would also been more welcome. Alas no time to grumble. Packed my kids off and went to get ready. No power and my room was total dark I could not know whether I had taken a blue saree or black saree. Finally dressed myself and had breakfast and lo I see the time..omg..I had missed my bus.

    Atlast stepped out hailed an auto and thought will go half way as I have to travel almost 15 kms one way. As soon as I got inside the auto I switched on the FM in my mobile to relax myself. This is my usual practice as it soothes my nerves and I can enter my office with a smile on my lips and face the challenging day ahead. The RJ’s voice started cooing in my ears and today’s topic was went the announcement. One girl had sent a message to the RJ stating that she had planned to go to college, meet her friends, chat with them over a cup of hot coffee but when she got up in the morning her mother had told her that the whole night she had high temperature and she could not attend the college. This girl felt very disappointed and asked the RJ’s help to give some suggestions to escape from this situation and where she could meet her friends. The RJ promptly passed this to all the listeners and asked them to send their suggestions. Started pouring in lot of sms, each one giving one or the other way to fool her mother and escape. Out of so many messages, only two or three told her to befriend her mother and tell her the truth. Seeing so many messages, I was wondering what is happening? We have seen that times are changing and parents are friends of their kids but to tell a small thing to her mother was so challenging. For these small things should we tell a lie? Can’t we stand in front of our parents and tell them on face about our plan? If at all her mother is stopping her it was due to her ill health and nothing else.. Maybe this is a small issue but underneath I felt we are just talking that we are friends to our kids and we have bridged the generation gap but reality is totally different.

    Are we not friends yet, then? How do we bridge this gap? Is it our mistake or our kids? Or is it just a passing phase? These made me wonder as to Where we are heading?


    [/justify]
     
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  2. brindhak

    brindhak Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sweetheart..

    Thats really a nice Question.....??
    Seeing your title I thought your thread is something about friendship between people like us.... But this is all about generation Gap.....Hmmmm...

    Nowdays I think people are changing and tryting to be friendly with their children or viceversa....

    Let me give you a detailed FB later on this buddy.. Now duty is requesting me to.................... :exactly:
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear bas,

    That is what I would call a soulful post. A typical one-off snippet that should make us stand our tracks and look around us for a while. At least we should look where we are heading.

    It there is some real love between the mother and the girl, this question would not have come at all. The girl would not have been insensitive enough to broadcast to the whole world that her mother is standing between her and her happiness.

    I would have at least appreciated the girl had she told the RJ that there were some important exams, some important classes and that missing them would have an impact on her studies. On the other hand the girl who had planned for a day of fun and frolic feels disappointed as her mother has come between her and her friends.

    This is what that troubles me a lot.

    This is the right forum to share my concern about the present day kids. We were all brought up by mothers who were dedicated homemakers and were there for us whenever we wanted them. But these days not many mothers could afford such an attention though they could afford a hundred times more money than our parents did.

    But will money substitute a mother ? Well, I am not that sure.

    You have come out with a really poignant message. Though the message looks quite simple it is quite profound and is a kind of warning bell to the mothers and the children as well.
    love,
    Your Boost
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2008
  4. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Lalitha


    Good question. When children want to have their way and if
    they know that their parents wont agree they tell a lie.
    If there is understanding between the parents and kid then
    this wont happen. Sometimes children dont know that parents
    tell for their own good only. Compared to the olden days
    now a days parents understand their kids feelings and
    leave them independently. But they have to keep a watch
    on them also.

    with love

    viji
     
  5. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Lalitha,

    A good question..which has been doing rounds in my house too..

    When something goes against their wishes or their ideas, their appointments...then the children thinks that we are not close enough..otherwise we would have let them go or do whatever they like..

    Even my daughter used to tell me that I am changing and once, me and my other daughter was her friends., but that position of mine has changed to Hitler-like status.:spin

    'Tholukku minjinaa thozhan.."...If our children are over our shoulder height then they should be considered as a friend..
    We are their friend..but it will take a long time for them to realise it..
    They should also know that true friends are those who advice too..Big Laugh

    sriniketan
     
  6. muzna

    muzna Silver IL'ite

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    dear lalitha
    you brought up a nice topic about the way our families cohabit.
    i'm aghast at the selfish attitude of the daughter.. she was not ready to forgo her outing for her mother. what else can one expect from such a daughter. and how will she bring up the nxt generation.
    ISS DUNIYA KA ALLAH HI MALIK HAIDrowning
    may god give better sense to people
     
  7. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Laliiiiiiiiii,

    You have brought out a very sensitive topic..... A great one at that.


    When we give birth to children, we always talk about their growth . A very important aspect we need to realise is that we too need to grow with them.
    As our kids grow in milestones , we too need to leap to keep pace with them.

    The generation gap is not something that exists between youngsters and teens , its exists between grandparents and parents too. The reason the growth wasn't parallel. There needs to be parallel growth to keep pace with the growing demands of the existing times ,One cannot be stagnant in their thoughts and demands.

    When we bring up kids , not keeping any gender bias here, I write about boys and girls , we always hope to be their friends. But very few actually are able to_One reason is that nature preparing us to be caretakers we get overprotective and are unwilling to let go of the hold that we have,though we always have their good intentions at heart, yet it can be very stifling sometimes. So when we talk to them, demand an answer from them, decide something for them,it is very important for us to put ourselves in their age and try to understand what suited us at that time.But ofcourse where you find that certain decisions taken by them can jeopardise their life and future , we can put a firm answer,but not always. When a child always gets a 'no' for an answer, he/ she stops asking the question, then the parents complain that the child never asks for permission. But then if the permission is always going to be met with a negative response then who would seek them?
    Secondly no matter how close you are with your children, there is always an extra thrill in discussing things with your peer group. Just like us, no matter how close we are to our respective spouses or siblings yet there are always those things that we wish to discuss with friends. No hard feelings about it.It is a natural procedure of growing up , preparing our children to face society and life ahead. Sometimes leaving kids to fend for themselves without spoonfeeding them at every given point is a good idea. They need to be self sufficient. Sometimes a balancing act is very important. Be a friend , try to discuss things that you feel your kid is comfortable with, take them into confidence, and let them be themselves as you try to be yourself.

    Last but not the least a mother will always be a mother, we shall always get paranoid when they tell you stories about their lovers. We shall always experience a fast heartbeat when our kids have dates coming to pick them up.We shall always have sleepless nights when they go for a picnic.
    A little bit of discreetness and diplomacy is very essential in handling it.
    Thats mother and thats what we shall always be.
    Its best not to be overanxious Lali, our parents grew up perfectly, we too did and so will our kids. We can only do the best we can and that we all are trying to and hope that our children will turn out to be good human beings.Sometimes its best to let nature take its own course. Be there for the children always thats very important.The presence is essential.

    At the end of the day we should be able to rest assured that we did all that was within our capacity. If there is proper understanding between the parents and children then the number of kids running to shrinks would considerably reduce.

    Lovely post Laliiiii,

    Love,
    Devs
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2008
  8. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear lalli,
    Lovely post……a very descriptive narration I would say, as I could picture your each and every move and thought…I could relate to this topic so much as a mother of a seventeen year old…but agree with devika completely…the more u say no they will think that is going to be your answer for everything and slowly stop talking of even normal things…in this particular case the issue being so trivial….also a lot of "nos" encourages the child to go elsewhere for advice or to tell lies…and that is a terrible thing for any parent I think……sometimes I think we in this generation take parenting too seriously…our parents brought us up more easily and we are quite fine(ok, maybe not great…haha)..Similarly they will be fine with a loving atmosphere at home…
    Mindi
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    LS,

    A thought provoking post for all parents, whether it is the mom or the dad.

    I think there was a debate/discussion on national tv (DDindia) once, do you believe in being friends with your parents....and you would be surprised, i was left with my mouth open for sometime, 40% of them wanted only parents, they did not want them to be their friends. 40% of them wanted them to be in between...20% were comfortable with them as friends.

    After seeing that discussion, I have been thinking for quite some time about that.

    as dm says, when talk about being their friend, we need to bend down to be able to wear their shoes and not the other way round. there comes a time when the daughter becomes your mother....but we cannot expect it before the time.....The generation gap, is something that occurs when you are not changing and adjusting and learning along with the time.

    Coming to the FM, comeon yaar, not all of them are serious. just passing their time with sms at 10 paise they are just giving their suggestions and opinions. 80% of the time you get these kind of replies..very few give very thought out, good replies..some just to hear their voices, names....this does not mean i don't feel bad with the girl's attitude.

    Most of the time, the simple solution is available at home. we just go about asking every body outside other than the concerned person. if only she had explained to her mom, i think her mom would have said, go ahead enjoy your day, i will be fine.

    Coming to the current scenario among children, many take their parents for granted, they are talked as athu by them (shocked??) well i was when DD told me few of the stories that happen around school. and for this behaviour we cannot hold the school responsible.

    One of the girls in the bus, was commenting about her mom "athu enna samaikiradhu,onnumae nalla illa.." (I presume, she would have heard her parents discussing their parents/relatives/friends/neighbours as athu)

    Two days back DD got a circular from school, saying there was a tour to hyderbad for 3 days. DS was asking me to send his sister, saying let her enjoy. I just kept quiet for a day. Yesterday, DD told me "Mom x, had a quarrel with her mom, that she was not sending her to the trip" but when mam asked who are all coming, she gave her name saying that she is coming without hesitating. I asked her do you want to go...she said it is upto you. I said I am worried about sending you for xxxx reason. she said i understood that i would not send her for the reason xxxx. I was relieved, as i was trying to cushion myself for their reactions...

    Hope I am not digressing... I think generation gap is just a excuse, for not learning to adjust,learn to move with the times...we have a wonderful examples among us in IL who are so understanding and have a very good relationship with children and grandchildren..(chitvishmam, cheeniyasir, pushamam to name some...)

    Well being a friend and parent, you need to define the demarcation lines till where your child can treat you as a friend, and where you want to act as a parent. may be I sound odd, but you cannot be just a friend to your child all the time, you need to be firm as a parent too...there needs to be a balance...

    There was once a discussion in a circle of friends about being friends with your children..some of the points were eyeopeners...

    Maybe will come back with more later....sorry to be boring with too much...
     
  10. meenakshirajan

    meenakshirajan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Lalitha,

    Very interesting one which I am facing at present. It is mainly attitude lalitha. Every children feels their parents are strict however lenient we are. we give full liberty though we keep an eye on them, still they are not satisfied . My son says there won’t be any thrill if he explain everything to me ,this is the age to enjoy etc.

    When I met One of my friends son, just enquired about his coaching classes. He said he has joined MAT. Then immediately he said it is not management aptitude it is Mothers Academy of Torcher. I got a big shock.
    Love,
    Meenakshi
     

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