Did you visit your personal space today?

Did you visit your personal space today?

“Have you visited your personal space today?” This was the query put to us members by the male guest speaker at the Ladies’ Club meeting in our apartment complex. Curious that a man should have accepted the invitation to talk to us (he was in a minority of one, no other man for moral support) and intrigued by the question, we looked at each other as if to ask “Personal space? What is this? Where is it?” More so as the circular had mentioned the topic of discussion as “Feeling good to look good”. He took in our perplexed faces and continued, “How does your family perceive you and how do you perceive yourselves vis-à-vis your family? How many different roles do you play every day?” The usual replies came from all sides. “I made breakfast and packed lunch for my kids and husband”, said one lady. Another countered, “My MIL performs puja every morning so I also made some prasadam for God”. Planning the menu for the week and buying all the groceries and vegetables, attending to the laundry and ironing, doing the dishes as the maid gave ‘chakkar’, ferrying the kids to karate class or for music lessons….

The list was endless but very nicely summed up by the speaker : “OK, you are all homemakers, I can see, you have been a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, a chauffeur, a “gofer” and so on. You have allotted so many time slots for your daily routine. Isn’t there something that you have missed out?” This set everyone thinking! Silence all round, no one could quite figure it out, but all of us accepted the fact that there was something missing. He now tried another track. “What does each one of you like to do in your spare time, I am sure all of you have a hobby or preferred activity”. A chorus of answers : “Oh yes, meditation, gymming, surfing the net, sewing, embroidery, music, reading, movies, tennis, … “.

Finally, one lady ventured, “I think you mean, do I consider myself as an individual, a person in my own right?” “Yes, though I will rephrase it differently. Did you take some time out for yourself, for the YOU in you, did you do the things that you enjoy without feeling a wee bit guilty that this time could be put to better use, doing things for the family etc?” A glimmer of understanding dawned on many faces…. A chorus of voices : “I like to paint but do not really have the time, there are so many other chores”, “have been intending to read the latest best-seller”, “been trying to lose weight but no time for gymming”, “people tell me I should grow a terrace-garden as I have green fingers”, ….. many unfulfilled aspirations…

“Ok, but what does all this have to do with the subject of your talk “Feeling good to look good?” someone asked him. “I was waiting for one of you to ask me this very question. So has anyone figured out the answer? It’s quite simple really”. “I get it, when get to do what I enjoy, for my own pleasure, I feel good and this is reflected in my appearance, my body language”. “Yes, your whole personality undergoes a change and your outlook towards others becomes a lot more positive. Your contentment shines through and you exhude confidence. Try it and see the transformation. So start feeling good and looking good”, he concluded.

Yes, ladies, many a time we put off doing simple and enjoyable things for ourselves like a visit to the beauty parlour or an all-women outing or even going for a walk or reading the latest ‘India Today’ because some thing else needs our urgent attention. We women do tend to put our own needs on the backburner, for in my generation, that is how we were brought up, the elders told us that our Dharma is to do our duty by attending to the family. Thankfully, times are changing, the joint family system is becoming extinct and nuclear families are the order of the day. It came as a real eye-opener to many of us and we decided then and there that we would visit our ‘personal space’ every day as we definitely wanted to “feel good and look good”!

PS: This is purely from a women’s perspective. Dear ILites, your points of view are welcome!

Padma Srinivas

 

Dear Sriniketan,

Yours is the first fb, thank you for your lovely words endorsing the post. I too make use of my personal space by reading books on spirituality or in meditation. Nowadays, I keep time for visiting IL as well...

Padma

 

Dear Saraswathi,

Great feeling, na? Tensions are definitely reduced when we find our own personal space. Once you have learnt to manage time at present, it becomes easier to work out a schedule after the kids come, wishing you luck...

Thanks for the nice fb,

Padma

 

Yes dear Saras, life is good fun but at times there is so much to do and not enough time!

Padma

 

Dear Chithra mami,

Overjoyed to receive a fb from you and filled with admiration at how aptly you have expressed the ideas that I was struggling to put into words. I love the expression 'that our best self is an island within us". Yes, when we retreat into our own private space, it is an island that does not permit any intruders. And yes, I fully endorse the view that I am "ME" and only that matters. No looking over the shoulder to see if anyone is watching us and judging us (and finding us wanting!). [Actually Chithra mami, realised souls advise us not to worry about what others may say or think of us or our actions, because right and wrong is in our mind - There is nothing right or wrong but thinking makes it so]. Still, one has to work hard at banishing any feelings of guilt or inhibition. We must live in this Samsara Sagaram doing our duties but also finding our inner selves.

Thank you Chithra mami for leading to a more indepth discussion,

Padma