In search of my Id

dhivya rangarajan · Sep 4, 2008

Who are you?

When asked this question many of us would say something like,

''I am an assistant manager in %^&.''
''I am a post graduate in Human Resources''
''I am a house wife''

............I often hear such answers to the above question.Why, i myself was answering ''I am HR in Lnt'' when someone asked me what i am -- till I resigned me job,gave up my identity, and eventually lost address to my ID. (pronounce 'id' as in idli id+li or as in idiot id+io+t)

Sigmund Freud gave defining words to the other two parts of self or psyche -
2. the EGO as the organizing, realistic part and
3. the SUPER EGO as critical and moralizing part. But for the primary and core part of the psyche,
1. the ID, he said, uncoordinated instinctual threads.

When we try to define what we are, most of us tend to attach our EGO and SUPEREGO achievements to our identity and that is when we answer, I am so & so. Either we use a qualification, a role, a career status, or marital status to give ourselves a mask to confront ourselves on the mirror. Yes, I am a proud so & so.

These are all achieved statuses and attributes...

Until I had to forgo my career to join my DH to this foreign land, I always had an identity....
I am a student of sociology
I am a post grad in HR Management
I am HR at Larsen & Toubro.....
.........I was very proud.

When i came here,first thing, I started looking for a job, because, I felt lost. I was not anyone now. I was getting frantic,helpless, fighting with my DH initially, emotional outbursts... I claimed I was feeling lonely to be at home all day; I was home sick; I am a career woman; I am adjusting - all crap - I WAS GIVING EXCUSES TO MYSELF.

Sitting at home all day with nothing much to do, gave me a lot of time for thought processes.
So why do i always need an attribute to myself?

Truth is - I don't know my ID.. When my instinctual threads are focussed into channels of interest and materialize as habits, hobbies, passions etc., I find my ID. Until now, I never thought about what my ID was!!! Reading and traveling are my hobbies; skipping my bath is my habit :hide:; --- but this is definitely not my ID.

My ID should be something that will define me and give me a personality. Last 48 days i spent in thinking about it... and i stumbled upon the reality! Think about my grand mom and mom - they dint have such disturbing questions nagging their minds. They led quiet eventful lives and sitting back today they relive so many memories, and crisis times they lived through with zest and passion.

Why dint they have an identity crisis?

And then I realized - they lived their lives with passion.What little they achieved at home front or in family, they achieved it with zeal. Today I am not going to go through the turbulent times they had with big families, many mouths to feed with little income and all that... But, the key is to to do what I do with zest.

I read a book called The Bastard of Istanbul by Elif Shaik last week - a beautiful book. I have planned my next tour to Turkey. Thats my idea of correlating my hobby with a passion and make it a habit! WOW!!

So thats my ID. Next time someone asks me Who are you? I will probably say,
I am a voracious reader, a traveler and great thinker Bow.. hahaha...now that sounds like me..
No acquired statuses, career roles, degrees, or my mangal sutra around my neck will take the credit. Only what i am will truly be who I am.

My best friend, likes writing and traveling. Guess what? She has taken up career option to be a travel writer! BINGO!!

SO, tell me ladies, WHO ARE YOU?

iyerviji · Sep 5, 2008

Dear Divya

I am I, a simple person with lot of dreams and a friendly person
with lots of love.

viji

mithila kannan · Sep 5, 2008

Dear friend,
Who am I?What is my identity?After reading your thought provokinpost,I have come to the following conclusion.
I cook and clean and run a home to the best of my ability,because I have to.Iam not ashamed to say that I am not fond of cooking but I cook since I and my husband have to eat to survive.I attend family functions marriages etc because I have to fulfill my social responsibility.I do many such things because that is required of me.
But I write because I want to.Writing to me is like breathing.My identity,now I want to be known as mythili who is fond of writing,nothing more nothing less.
love
mithila kannan

Lalitha Shivaguru · Sep 5, 2008

Dear Dhivya,

A nice thought provoking post dear.

Yes as Women we forget about our own identity. You have made us to rack our brains to know who we are. Kudos dear.

Now to your question:

I am a very friendly person who will go out of the way to help my friends and will love to cook for them. I yearn for true love and will love to give back the same. Now you tell what can I be labelled as?

Stillagirl · Sep 5, 2008

Hey,

Very thought provoking....And I'm glad you found your ID....I haven't found mine yet, It was "I am an engineering student " "I am an MBA", "I'm an Asst manager' for a while....now a days its "I'm Mrs.XYZ"....yep, I will need my 48 days to find out too....or more....but i wud like to thank you for galvanizing me into thinking abt it

Sriniketan · Sep 6, 2008

Congrats Dhivya on your search for an ID, which you had found it successfully.
Rightly said that EGO and SUPER EGO is attached to our ID which clouds the real us..

Me...I think I am a natural lover, good reader and a helpful person...kind at heart...

sriniketan

Kamalji · Sep 6, 2008

Dear Dhivya,

Well said.I always say I am Kamal Mahtani, and what do u do, I am an Garment Exporter, though I am not exporting these days.And then move on to a new topic with the person.

I am never much interested in the other person, what he does etc.Just politely ask him, but don’t probe him or her too much.

Good one,.Regards.kamal;

jaijui0 · Feb 11, 2009

hi dhivya ,
a very nice post ..i agree with all u have said here .
who am i ? a down to earth girl ,living life with zest , noncompaining with love for all , even animals
hope u enjoyed Turkey
jaijui

Mindian · Feb 11, 2009

dear dhivya,

a very good one..believe me... u have found your id very early in life, good for you

it took me quite sometime...always associated myself with a degree, a good career ,being the perfect homemaker and mother and when i landed here after leaving a good career behind was too confused with just being myself..

then learnt that what i needed was just Zest in whatever i do in life..today i am at perfect peace because i have all the time in the world to do anything and everything that pleases me...and sometimes nothing too
i love the flexibility and freedom in my life..

love
Mindi

Jpatma · Feb 11, 2009

Dear Dhivya,
Thought provoking. I liked your writing & thinking style.
Well, you had correctly said ID has been connected with EGO & Super ego. What a profound truth.
But i notice again your ID is connected to what you do - travelling, reading etc.
You had beautifully portrayed mom and grandmom with no id crisis living the life with zest.
In your ID - still has a connotation of an ego- because it is linked to what you do.
In my case - i am a soul which has no name but only energy trying to experience life in a rented a body which is called Jaya, but has no id as it belongs to Divine.

May God bless you.
Jaya