Friends, think about this

Dear friends,



Even though it is very sad that children are forgetting their duties towards their parents who brought them to this world. But, there are a few cases like this one which make us understand "if not justify" as to why some children would leave their parents in old age homes.

A relative of ours, my mil's second cousin had put his mother in old age home. Now that would seem like a very cruel idea to all of us. Maybe this is one of the very few cases. "Under any circumstance I am not supportive of sending an old person away when his children are alive and can take care of the person." Please donot think that I support it.

But, here the person concerned had this justification to put his mother in old age home. And I thought it was very fair enough. All our family has seen this person struggle in life.He is a very respectable person in family.Inspite of being from an orthodox family,uncle always had dynamic views,he had stood up to marry a widow in those days,almost thirty five years ago. For any occassion in the family, he would be there for all his relations.He has two sons one is a very successful in life today. The second one,is also very good in life now and is working hard.But he was suffering from birth defects and learning difficulties and was called as retarded[I am sorry to use these words] but the boy was referred to in that way by relatives.


But uncle's wife struggled with her sons education and health and her hardwork paid off.There was no such signs of defects when we saw the second son recently.He has a good job and is doing very well.

However uncle had to struggle in life,he worked in a big organisation,left the job for doing a partnership business and later became a pauper ,lost everything. All this while,the old lady,uncle's mother blamed his wife.That is because of his marriage to her that had brought bad luck to him.She ill treated her and taunted her.She blamed her son for leaving his job and losing money. She didnot take care of her dil during pregnancy,due to starving the dil suffered serious pregnancy problems at the time of her second son.

The old lady was a rich pensioner, she would shower her two daughters and their kids with all her wealth.She also had invested her money in her daughter's names.

The lady would buy her provisions,coffee etc seperately even when with her son.She would cook only for herself while her dil and grandsons suffered.She never gave money to her son for the expenses inspite of the fact that he was not doing well and she had her pension.She would demand that she must have good quality rice and her grandsons eat ration rice. She presented her daughter's children with jewellery and would not even give money to her son for medical expenses.

When she fell ill,her dil used to do all the basic things for her, like bathing her,tying her saree and cleaning her bowels which even her own daughters refused to do.The old lady used to sleep in the room with fan while her dil and grandchildren slept in the courtyard of their rented house.

Then one day,she walked out of her son's house with her daughters even without asking her son.She justed informed him she was going to stay with her daughter and didnot tell him when she will return. This hurt uncle very much but he was patient.

As uncle's life picked up, he got back his job and dignity and bought a house of his own and is doing very well now.The old lady who was with her daughter's now was very very ill.The daughters again without asking their brother dumped their mother back in their brother's house.When she returned,the lady was not wearing any jewels which she had before. She said she had given it to her daughter who had taken good care of her. She had only come back to her son recently and she started her harassment and verbal abuse again.

Uncle who had struggled for many years in his business,in which he lost money,realised his mistake, found a new job with which got back his dignity.They struggled a lot with their second son's educaton.Now uncle was getting older and was fed up of his mother's harassment.

Now he felt that his mother had no right to leave him just like that without informing him.He had deprived his family but had taken good care of her to the best of his ability.His wife had struggled with her second son ,given tuitions and supported the family income.And she too had been harassed by mil.

Now he said his wife also deserved some happiness.My mother harassed my wife and deprive my kids,only because I had no money then.Now I am well off ,so she has come back to stay with me. I donot need her money.My wife is getting older now she cannot take care of my mother.


So her send her to an old age home .Many family members respected his decision as they had witnessed the old lady's harassment on several occassions. Never once has his wife complained about mil.He had taken the decision due to his mother's dominating nature.He left her in a old age home for two years which was not very far away from his house.He visited her every week,gave her money and things which she needed . And when she was very very ill he brought her back home and took very good care of her in her last days.


He still says "I regret that I had to send her to an old age home but what could I do? She never understood me ?Atleast while dying I thought she will say she regretted doing all that but she didnot".He shed tears for his mother saying "after all she is my mother and I love her very much.But I have some duty to my wife and children. So please forgive me and don't take me as an example."He performs her Shrardh dutifully every year and remembers her with affection".



So, do you think he is justified in sending her away?If not what could he have done?Do share your views?

dear meera
really thought about it and was wondering what i would have done in that uncles place...i would have taken back my mother and only done my duty towards her...love would definitely not be there for the way she treated him and his family..but last days are not the time to take revenge...after all she lived only 2 years at the old age home...he could have forgiven an old lady who is after all his mother and only remembered the fact that she had treated him like a son atleast till he got married?...
regards
Mindi

Dear Meera,

There are plenty of such cases. He had done the right thing. He always cared her during he time of crisis. He will never be cursed by her soul. I can make out she is very egoistic. but there are people like that. kanaka

Originally Posted by Mindian

dear meera
really thought about it and was wondering what i would have done in that uncles place...i would have taken back my mother and only done my duty towards her...love would definitely not be there for the way she treated him and his family..but last days are not the time to take revenge...after all she lived only 2 years at the old age home...he could have forgiven an old lady who is after all his mother and only remembered the fact that she had treated him like a son atleast till he got married?...
regards
Mindi

dear mindi,

thanks for writing your views here. I agree with you,first I too thought the same. But later on realised that he was fed up with his mother's attitude,living day in and day out with a person who didnot even care for her grandchildren.

So I would not call it revenge but only a helpless son avoiding further problems in his life.It was temporary though and he had brought her home back and taken good care of her.

Appreciate your comments

regards

meera

Originally Posted by kanaka

Dear Meera,

There are plenty of such cases. He had done the right thing. He always cared her during he time of crisis. He will never be cursed by her soul. I can make out she is very egoistic. but there are people like that. kanaka

Dear Kanaka,

You are right. She was very egoistic .Agree with you she won't curse him.After all a mother can never curse her son. Even though she never realised when she was alive,she would be repenting after death.Not only during crisis but always her son took good care of her.