A matter of two generations

Dear Kanaka,

I pity the children of today. They are forced into a cycle of pressure, performance and excellence. Where is the child in them? They are forced to grow into adults too quickly. They are not being allowed to grow with the flow of time.

Hi!

I fully agree with all of u on how much of a pressure kids of the new generation face!

I have felt that more so in the last one month!

My inlaws are visiting us, and they find our 12 yr. old too laid back! He is an above avg. student, gets A's in his academics, not too keen on outdoor games (he enjoys Taekwondo,and is a brown belt, and spends an hour a day, 4 days a week on lessons), plays chess, reads a bit. My in laws have been complaining every day that he is'nt upto any good. Hubby and me are at a loss as to who to stand by! Can't hurt their sentiments, at the same time we do not believe in pushing our son so much that it does not do him any good! He is on summer hols, does an hr. of reading, an hr. of Math and Comprehension, plays chess with grandpa everyday, but my in laws are not impressed! HELLLP!!!

Today the kids are so much under pressure to perform, that they get into the rat race from a very small age. I really wonder whether todays kids relly enjoy those care free days that we did at their age?? They are maturing so fast that it is difficult to find an innocent child these days.

I don't understand why we strive to impress other and go overboard doing things which is out of our reach and bounds. The same goes for kids...parents want to show off their child in the society and hence they pressurise them to do better or do things that are not of their interest and when they don't perform they are rebuked.

I have heard that on the reality shows the participants have to work so hard they hardly get 5-6 hrs of rest and the tiredness and exhaustion can take its toll and when the judges criticize them or use harsh words they break down.

Whether young or old...when a person is criticized in front of an audience, i am sure no one is going to like it. Here the judges need not behave as those on the reality shows abroad. Severe criticism at home or anywhere outside can shatter a person and have an adverse affect on their mind.

Ank, instilling confidence in your son is what you and your husband need to do and let him grow in the field that he is interested. Just because your in-laws are not impressed you don't have to force him to do what he dosen't like and make him repulsive to you folks.

Today the kids are so much under pressure to perform, that they get into the rat race from a very small age. I really wonder whether todays kids relly enjoy those care free days that we did at their age?? They are maturing so fast that it is difficult to find an innocent child these days.

I don't understand why we strive to impress other and go overboard doing things which is out of our reach and bounds. The same goes for kids...parents want to show off their child in the society and hence they pressurise them to do better or do things that are not of their interest and when they don't perform they are rebuked.

I have heard that on the reality shows the participants have to work so hard they hardly get 5-6 hrs of rest and the tiredness and exhaustion can take its toll and when the judges criticize them or use harsh words they break down.

Whether young or old...when a person is criticized in front of an audience, i am sure no one is going to like it. Here the judges need not behave as those on the reality shows abroad. Severe criticism at home or anywhere outside can shatter a person and have an adverse affect on their mind.

Ank, instilling confidence in your son is what you and your husband need to do and let him grow in the field that he is interested. Just because your in-laws are not impressed you don't have to force him to do what he dosen't like and make him repulsive to you folks.

dear kanaka,
yes,children do have their own right and i am sure these days they can understand it better!!!!every child is talented in his/her own way so i think parent's responsibility must be to nurture these and guide them rightly rather than thrusting their ideas on children!!!!
regards
pavi

Dear ANK,

Irrespective of who the person is you as parents should know where to draw the line. Here Iam taking the liberty of saying so because by age I must be senior to you(5. Know body can be an expert in all areas of life. Just raed this incident-

A family where was a Director to one of the leading rsearch institutions in Indai. Mother was a tution teacher. She wanted one of her daughters to excel and "BE FIRST IN EVERTHING" To be brief the girl went into severe depression. She ha become a laughing stock in front of the public even in bus. Marriage failed. They kept her in their house. for she could not adjust with his family. He was tbla artist. But a good person.
Few years back when the parents had gone put for a walk she burnt herself with a cigar.(My hands tremble and Iam ck
hoked). This is not to scare you. Your son is clever. Believe me. Give him sometime to be himself for he will never get back these days. Leave them free they will realise their inadequacies by themselves and either they will correct themselves or come back to you for help. You only have to give him an assurance taht 'We are there. Come what may. Believe me thinks work out taht way very well. Nothing to get panicky. Pl. don't compare your children with others. kanaka

Dear ANK,

Irrespective of who the person is you as parents should know where to draw the line. Here Iam taking the liberty of saying so because by age I must be senior to you(5. Know body can be an expert in all areas of life. Just raed this incident-

A family where the father was a Director to one of the leading rsearch institutions in Indai. Mother was a tution teacher. She wanted one of her daughters to excel and "BE FIRST IN EVERTHING" To be brief the girl went into severe depression. She ha become a laughing stock in front of the public even in bus. Marriage failed. They kept her in their house. for she could not adjust with his family. He was tbla artist. But a good person.
Few years back when the parents had gone put for a walk she burnt herself with a cigar.(My hands tremble and Iam ck
hoked). This is not to scare you. Your son is clever. Believe me. Give him sometime to be himself for he will never get back these days. Leave them free they will realise their inadequacies by themselves and either they will correct themselves or come back to you for help. You only have to give him an assurance taht 'We are there. Come what may. Believe me thinks work out taht way very well. Nothing to get panicky. Pl. don't compare your children with others. kanaka

Originally Posted by ANK

Hi!

I fully agree with all of u on how much of a pressure kids of the new generation face!

I have felt that more so in the last one month!

My inlaws are visiting us, and they find our 12 yr. old too laid back! He is an above avg. student, gets A's in his academics, not too keen on outdoor games (he enjoys Taekwondo,and is a brown belt, and spends an hour a day, 4 days a week on lessons), plays chess, reads a bit. My in laws have been complaining every day that he is'nt upto any good. Hubby and me are at a loss as to who to stand by! Can't hurt their sentiments, at the same time we do not believe in pushing our son so much that it does not do him any good! He is on summer hols, does an hr. of reading, an hr. of Math and Comprehension, plays chess with grandpa everyday, but my in laws are not impressed! HELLLP!!!

hi ANK,

COULDNT HELP BUT BUTT IN...of course u stand by your son..people from india are bound to think like that..have had the same experience..even back in india my daughter went to a different school which had no exams till the 9th std..school was upto 2 and then sports till 5..thanks to that school my dd has done quite well in life(so far atleast and god please let it continue)she knows to play the basics of each game and excels in badminton,basket ball and chess beacuse she was interested in that and pursued it......above average in academics and reads a lot..i am happy it is all because of what she wants and we havent forced her..so just let your son be..maybe u could expose him to outdoor sports to find out where his interest lies and develop one game...otherwise he sounds FINE...and like an intellectual...chess maths and reading...my type of boy...all my best wishes to him in life...god bless him
regards
mindi

Dear Kanaka,

I think even DevikaMenon has written something on these lines and so have others on similar thoughts.

Looks like there is a real concern about our young people's sensitive nature. A real worry for mothers with young children.

It is worth looking deep into oneself regarding the offspring. Though they have much more as far as comforts go, may be the demands on them is more too. Busy and ambitious parents must take some time and think if they are really giving their children the happiness as in nurture and love, not measure it with the materialistic world that they are subjected to.

If we want a peaceful future, our young ones must be in a sound state of mind and body, have to grow up into responsible adults who have had a loving and happy upbringing.

L, Kamla

Dear Roopa,
Just read the incident quoted by me to Ank. This was a confession of the mother concerned. Many things are said easily than done. Thanks for the FB. kanaka