Adopted versus Your Own....

Originally Posted by sunkan

I Am An Adopted Girl In My Life Not That I Have Never Known My Parents But Had To Know Them For My Studies As My Foster Parents Were Always In Transferable Job,they Say But I Love My Foster More Than My Biological Dont Ask Me Why, It Is Just That The Child Will Love Without Reservation But The Parent Will They Have The Heart To....sunkan

hi sunkan,

thanks for your feedback...so nice to know u love your foster parents so much..exactly as u said only a child can love without any reservations...

mindi

Originally Posted by anupamakalyan

I too have a bit of real life info to add on here

I have a neighbour who is of my mom's age or even older, Both their kids are settled in US with a GC....they used to visit them once in 6 months...ie aunty and uncle used to Visit them for 6 months a year

Aunty too was feeling uneasy about the travel, the dependence on loved ones only for love andd affection.....after few months this aunty is holding a 2 day old baby in her hand

I was shocked...I asked her whose kid ...Is she your grand Daughter?

She said..No anu....we are adopting this baby...Me and uncle are feeling very lonely and our children cant stay with us....we need something/some activity to keep us engaged...and this baby is a far relative of our servant maid, this being the 4th Baby girl in the family they didnt want her....so we are adopting her...and all the legal procedures are on the way....I was shocked because
1)This aunt had met with an accident few years ago and was finding hard to walk even now.
2)Both auncle and aunty are more than 60 I guess

So how can they take care of a baby....and few days back..I met her and she was all happy and was running around for the baby's work...never bothered about her leg/age.....

I at this age find it hard with only son....and on the other hand she was enjoying it all truely!!

I asked her about the baby,...they just named her And now both her children wish to take this baby to US ....I was looking at her face for further reactions She said....I cant let this one go away from me as long as I am alive.....I truely admired her spirit then...I said this baby is truely lucky to have found you, She said its the other way round,..we are lucky to found her & have her

I also got to know that this baby's parents were farmers sumwhere near dharmapuri,...not so poor but they just did not want another baby Girl....

Donno whether they are still trying for a baby boy,...I am planning to send them the Chineese calender..If it could be of any use to them and also another life;) and the society!!

Cheers!!
Anu

thanks anu for your feedback...and three cheers to your neighbour aunty...she really is a gutsy spirited lady...and has added a meaning to her life instead of just missing her children...great to know such people exist...

Mindi

Originally Posted by brindhak

Vey well written dear....

Even I have some friends who are under treatment to conceive... they are in treatment for more than 8 to 10 years..One of my family friend both are Doctors.. they dont have a child marreid for more than 8 years .. but they dont even have an idea to adopt a child.... Many case are like this,....

People's attitude is still in a narrow way.... they need to change themselves and come forward to adopt a child....

I was really moved about Raja ....

Thanx for a thoughtful post dear...

hi brindha,
thanks for your fb,dear...like u say most of the people are still narrow minded... still it is heartening to know from the fbs that many are not new to the idea of adoption...
but oh yes.... raja is too great a person...

Mindi

Originally Posted by LakNar

Dear Mindian

I think the couple's hesitation to adopt at times (especially down south ) is attributed to the fact of facing the society and the questions that may be posted on those pitiable childless couples..

Presently I would appreciate that there are strong Intercountry Adoption policies that would prevent the adopted kid from being abused, neglected or exploited. There is also a huge sum of fee collected by the government so that only genuine couples who are desperate would opt for adoption..

Kudos to the autorickshaw driver.. from Kerala.I think I have to frankly admit Keralites have a broader mind to adopt than anybody as I see most of my relatives originating from Kerala have adopted and they live very happily..

I have to appreciate my uncle who has adopted a girl child when she was hardly 2 years (6 years back almost) an unfortunate victim who has lost both her parents in the Gujarat Earthquake and right now she is being put up in a nice school and leads a peaceful life ..Kudos to you uncle.. forgot to tell her name.. She is Nupur!

Thanks for the thread..
Lakshmi

dear lakshmi,

thanks for your fb...yes kudos to your uncle ..and what luck for little nupur that she found a loving home...feels good to hear such cases...

Mindi

Originally Posted by Geetha Iyer

Dear Mindian,

Adoption in our family is there for many generations. In our case, adoption not by us but by another family adopting one of us. I remember when I was young I was thrilled to hear that I have one more uncle who was given in adoption since my grandfather had many children. Also, I used to fantacize that my rich uncle will adopt me and I will get all his wealth.

There have been many stories of parents adopting a child because they were issuless and later they get a child of thier own. In some cases, the mother changes her attitude, affection and love towards the adopted child after getting a child of her own. In such cases, the adopted child is highly pitiable.

One of my friends have adopted a child from Nagpur and they just liked the child when they went to see it in the orphange. Later, they came to know that the child is a chrstian child through some friends. Ofcourse, they did not bother and are bringing up the child affectionately as their own. But, the news has spread and I hate to see some people talking ill of the child and laughing at my friend for having brought a low cast child into their house.

Thanks for bringing a nice topic and your narration is excellent.

Regards,

Geetha Iyer

hi geetha,

tHANKS for your fb....hey u can still hope that some rich uncle REGARDS u as his adopted daughter and names u in his will,ok?...as u say wont it be terrible if u cannot love the adopted child as much as your own...i dread to think of that situation....
kudos to your friend for liking the child and adopting...after adoption it is her own now...how does it matter whether she was born to a christian..so immature of these PEOPLE who talk....

MINDI...

Very well written bringing up such views for everyone to think about it!!
And, the auto guy- Raja, is a hero by himself!
Its rare to see such people and I will salute him for this drive of making a home for the homeless in his own way!

hi mindian,
personally i think people who adopt are giving a life to one child as well as themselves a child can bring a world of joy to couple be it adopted or their own.lots of il-ites have shared the stories they have heard and seen and its indeed very touching.so is the story of raja!!!!
we just need more of such people to have a orphan free soceity!!!!
regards
pavi

Originally Posted by Varloo

Dear Mindian,
a very good topic! I had my son only after 4 years of marriage. Both me and hubby had a round of tests and were declared fit. Then I did not go for further treatment, I told my hubby that I would rather adopt than undergo all those painful treatments. Then I got my baby. But I still wanted to adopt a child. But the family and hubby also are not so big hearted, so dropped the idea.
usually, Indians are very caste conscious and so have a notion that children in orphanages are of low caste or born illegally. We also have a notion that such children will grow up to be bad individuals. In olden days, children from spouses or relatives were adopted when a couple did not have children. That would cause many problems in the family too, sometimes. One of my uncle's adopted his brother's son, gave him good education. During the wedding of the boy, the biological mother created such a big hue and cry and the marriage was performed under a very stressful atmosphere. The adopted parents black mail the child emotionally too.
people who have well matured hearts only adopt a child and shower their love and affection on it. I hope many more become large hearted and adopt children.
Incidentally, my brother and sister do not have children and one cannot even suggest adoption to them.

Dear varloo,
thaks for your fb...good to hear your views on adoption...like u say u cannot do that without the full familys support and it is too delicate an issue to be talking to your bro or sis if they have reservations about the idea...
Mindi

Originally Posted by Devika Menon

Dear Mindi,

What a wonderful topic!

So close to my heart dear. I read all the FB's so far and I can see the scenario regarding adoption has been changing. I hope more and more come forward for this noble cause.

Let me share my personal experience. We have an adopted baby in the family. The most wonderful creation in the universe for us. Shes a year and a half now and its not just her we have adopted. Along with her we have adopted happiness and a sense of peace. When we look at her we feel so thrilled to see her happy. The family is so proud of her.
The moment she entered our home she ceased to be an adopted kid. Then she became our kid, our own kid ,no different in blood.

I am all for adopting more kids. Adoption is wonderful. There are kids out there looking at us for a home and love . Their tiny eyes seeking concern.Their tiny body seeking warmth. Their future looking for a family.

I hope and pray more people come forward for adopting children and experience bliss in its purest form!!

Love,
Devika

dear devika,

thanks so much for your fb...hey ....are u talking about your sisters kid...nice to know the scenario re adoption is changing...was so nice to read so many instances...good to know that u are all for adopting more...wish i had thought of it ten years back but when i read about the 60 year old lady i guess all that matters is the thought and u will get the strength to do it...

Mindi

Dear Mindian,

very well written about adoption. Let me share you the case of my neighbor.

This couple adopted a boy after learning that she cannot conceive. Two years after that, she gave birth to a son. Within his first year, they came to know that he was mentally challenged. They had another son and he too was found to be mentally challenged, though to a slightly lesser degree than the first one. Both of them now are in their late 20's. The boys are well behaved , but have mental functions of a young child.

The patience and affection the couple show to them has to be seen to be believed.
The lady herself is so positive inspite of her own ill health.

The adopted son finished college, married and moved away. She used to talk about him as if he were her own. A few years ago, she told me he had asked them to move closer to him so they can enjoy the grand kids.

They moved into a ranch style home in a rural area near their older son's place so that her two boys would feel free to have more room. She was delighted to be near her grandkids.

I was remembering her as I read your post.