Adopted versus Your Own....

Dear Mindian,

Adoption in our family is there for many generations. In our case, adoption not by us but by another family adopting one of us. I remember when I was young I was thrilled to hear that I have one more uncle who was given in adoption since my grandfather had many children. Also, I used to fantacize that my rich uncle will adopt me and I will get all his wealth.

There have been many stories of parents adopting a child because they were issuless and later they get a child of thier own. In some cases, the mother changes her attitude, affection and love towards the adopted child after getting a child of her own. In such cases, the adopted child is highly pitiable.

One of my friends have adopted a child from Nagpur and they just liked the child when they went to see it in the orphange. Later, they came to know that the child is a chrstian child through some friends. Ofcourse, they did not bother and are bringing up the child affectionately as their own. But, the news has spread and I hate to see some people talking ill of the child and laughing at my friend for having brought a low cast child into their house.

Thanks for bringing a nice topic and your narration is excellent.

Regards,

Geetha Iyer

Dear Mindian,
a very good topic! I had my son only after 4 years of marriage. Both me and hubby had a round of tests and were declared fit. Then I did not go for further treatment, I told my hubby that I would rather adopt than undergo all those painful treatments. Then I got my baby. But I still wanted to adopt a child. But the family and hubby also are not so big hearted, so dropped the idea.
usually, Indians are very caste conscious and so have a notion that children in orphanages are of low caste or born illegally. We also have a notion that such children will grow up to be bad individuals. In olden days, children from spouses or relatives were adopted when a couple did not have children. That would cause many problems in the family too, sometimes. One of my uncle's adopted his brother's son, gave him good education. During the wedding of the boy, the biological mother created such a big hue and cry and the marriage was performed under a very stressful atmosphere. The adopted parents black mail the child emotionally too.
people who have well matured hearts only adopt a child and shower their love and affection on it. I hope many more become large hearted and adopt children.
Incidentally, my brother and sister do not have children and one cannot even suggest adoption to them.

Dear Mindi,

What a wonderful topic!

So close to my heart dear. I read all the FB's so far and I can see the scenario regarding adoption has been changing. I hope more and more come forward for this noble cause.

Let me share my personal experience. We have an adopted baby in the family. The most wonderful creation in the universe for us. Shes a year and a half now and its not just her we have adopted. Along with her we have adopted happiness and a sense of peace. When we look at her we feel so thrilled to see her happy. The family is so proud of her.
The moment she entered our home she ceased to be an adopted kid. Then she became our kid, our own kid ,no different in blood.

I am all for adopting more kids. Adoption is wonderful. There are kids out there looking at us for a home and love . Their tiny eyes seeking concern.Their tiny body seeking warmth. Their future looking for a family.

I hope and pray more people come forward for adopting children and experience bliss in its purest form!!

Love,
Devika

Originally Posted by marrgg

Hi Mindian,

Lovely post which makes many to think about it. I know so many who have have 1 biological child and willing to adopt 1 child. But have to undergo lot of procedures.

Government is not supportive. :(

hi margg,
thank u for my first feedback...a topic close to my heart...and i am thrilled to find that so many think so seriously of adoption ...great...

Mindi

Originally Posted by Pushpavalli Srinivasan

Dear Mindian,
Some people might be conservative type and might not wish to adopt. But I know families who adopted girl babies in spite of having a biological son. The trend is fast changing now. Even my second son had adopted a girl baby though he got a son.
Love,
PS

Dear pushpa,

yes generally people are conservative and not open to the idea...only looking at the feedbacks i understand that the trend is changing...kudos to your son...instead of trying for a daughter again he adopted one...great decision...
Mindi

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Mindi,

Well written and well said.Just loved yr blog.

My two brothers don’t have a kid, since they married 20 years back.I wish they would have adopted a child , but these are sensitive things and cant tell yr Bhabhis these things.


I wish I had adopted a girl , inaddtion to the two daughters that I have.Very late, around 5 years back I read articles wehre people having their own kids, adopting a child, like Shobha Dee has done.I think she has adopted two girls, in addition to the two that she has.That is why I love Shobha De.

I would have loved to have an adopted girl child, and seen the difference in her since when I would have brought her.But well too late now.

Superb blog, and goes into my favourites.Regards.kamal

Dear kamalji,

thank u so much for your fb...a compliment from u, a writer i admire ...means a lot to me as i am a novice in writing......in my case it is more of penning my thoughts and initially there is always a fear whether your language is correct or that it shouldnt hurt anyones sentiments...
yes i agree with u however close they may be u cannot suggest this to your relatives..it has to come from their heart..
and great to hear from u that u wanted to adopt one more daughter...from the feedbacks i gather there are many with that liberated thought......i had no idea about shobha de..i thought the others were her husbands kids from his first wife..yes i too quite like her...she is very outspoken and gives her views very frankly...

regards
Mindi

Originally Posted by lalitha shivaguru

Dear Mindi,

To adopt you need a family who is big hearted...... who do not bother about the caste, creed etc of the child. A family's support is very much needed otherwise it would be hell for the child. In that case it is always better to avoid an adoption.

I had always loved to have a child of my own and to adopt another child so that we can give opportunities for the orphans. But family never agreed.........they thought I had gone crazy and it was blasphemy to talk like that. Even in this century you have people like this.........

Hi lalitha,

thanks for your fb dear...u said it...it needs a BIG heart and yes the whole familys support otherwise hell for the child ...great to hear that u were so much for it but not everyone can think of it that way,maybe

Mindi

Dear Mindi,

Nice write up ... Yes, one should have big heart to adopt a child ... Even though some few people come willingly to adopt, even Government is not supporting much as there are lot of new rules araised ... Thanks for this thread dear ...

Hi Mindian,

Good topic...

Its really hard for people to adopt as they cant face the fact that they are not their own blood.

My Uncle married 20 yrs back tried for children till 3 yrs back with lot of doctors,swamis,ayurvedic,homeopathic etc but no use..I do not know y they are not adopting a child till now..

By gods grace if I ever get a chance to do that..I m more than happy...

Hugs,
dg..

Originally Posted by Monsi

Dear Mindi,
Loved your writeup ! Adopting a child used to be and continues to be a big taboo in indian society but the trend is changing though at a slower pace. Earlier people used to adopt the child of their own relative may be brother etc as they were sure of the child's gene and caste.
My x-boss has adopted a girl child few months back from an orphanage. They have a biological son. to him. We have people like Sushmita Sen who adopted a girl child. But in India adoption rules are quite stringent. They do not allow a single parent to adopt a child specially a male parent. And if they allowed, single male parent can adopt only a male child. As the recent example is Sandip Soparrkar. Moreover the adoption procedure is rigorous. But I think that it is required to be that way for a child's future's sake.

hi monsi,

thanks so much for your feedback....yes that society is changing is obvious from the fbs...kudos to your boss...for adopting a girl after having a son of his own......a much neater solution to have the ideal family,no?

Mindi