Please Elders ..Live... Let Live.....

brindhak · Jun 15, 2008

Radhika was waiting for her friend in a café… She glanced the watch every two mintues and her eyes were wandering…. She saw her friend Priya rushing through the entrance very fastly.. She saw Radhika and came to her table…

Heyy !! Radhii How are you … ?and why did you call me in the afternoon ??You were so depressed and frustrated I could get that from your voice..Why dear What happened any problem in the home???

Radhika was married only few months before .She was the only girl and was the darling for her parents…. They couldn’t oppose the proposal of Shyam ‘s family when they approached for marriage… Shyam fulfilled all the expectations that Radhika’s family had.. And also they were pleased with Shyam’s family members…. Being the only son .. they had lot of love and affection for their son. and they were also satisfied with Radhika’s family… and the marriage took place ina grand manner...

And now the reason to meet her friend was….…..

After few days of marriage…Radhika noticed one thing very clearly that Shyam's parents were very affectionate towards the son that too the mother….. She always treated her son as a small boy….She never ever thought that he is married…..and there is a wife for him to take care of his needs….

One day She directly told to her DIL , “ Radhika….. I don’t like any one cooking for my son.. Or giving him food…. I ‘ll take care of all these for Shyam….. You go and do some other work…

I’ ll wash his clothes… Why are you suffering from these works….?
Is it a suffering for a wife to wash her DH clothes , or preparing food for him..……?

Even Shyam’s Mom selected his office wear …. Even a cup of coffee was given by his Mom to Shyam…. Sometimes Shyam also didn’t like the over dosage of affection from his Mom…..

And more the worst case… Shyam's mother insisted to take her also out with them whenever they went out to shopping or some other places….. And Shyam Father for his part did ‘nt even allow him to sign even in a Insurance policy.. He always said Shyam you are not that much ...You dont have maturity and you don’t know about all this my boy..I ll take care of all these transactions…. You don’t worry….. You Don’t know this, Why are to trying to do this…...was the only thing he was saying all time…..

Radhika was shattered seeing all this ...She couldn’t control her tears ….. and she felt very insulted When Shyam’s father told that Shyam doesn’t know anything…. It was very new to her that a Father saying to everybody that his son does’nt know anything… that too a 30 yr old son…..

She was first very much confused whether to tell her feelings to her DH..

Shyam was working in Shifts and was hardly very few hours in the home… She thought it was not right to complain about his mother to him….

And moreover he was at home only for few hours ..She thought of not spoiling his mood . She was having a great trauma….

She felt very depressed that she couldn’t make a cup of coffee for her DH or even had some time in their own home to talk with him happily…..

She was under this phase for about six months….but she couldn’t tolerate at one point…She didn’t want to inform her parents because she thought of struggling herself and to find a solution until she can do it…. She didnt want to disclose all this even to her mother beacause she was a heart patient...

But At one point she decided to share this atleast with her friend so she decided to meet her .....

Radhika told all this with broken voice…to her friend… ….... What can I do for this….???? Tell me Priya she asked…..

Are you Mad or what ??? Yelled Priya….Without controlling herself…forgetting the environment around them..

Why didn’t you tell all these to your husband… He is the one to talk to his Mom….. So please Radhika … Tell your Husband and find a solution and Start your life at least after that..

Radhika poured all her feelings and grievances to Shyam…very clearly without hurting anybody …..

To her Surprise Shyam did oppose her statements…. Yes Radhika. You are correct.. My Mom is possessive too possessive when it comes for me…. Im undergoing this from child hood.. Sometimes her over affection put me in trouble also… I feel that I don’t have any freedom because of my father's activites...that’s the truth dear…..

Radhika couldn’t believe my ears…….. She was totally freezed… when Shyam told this.. She thought Even Shyam had a lot of grievances with his parents….

Shyam Continued… but Dear.. What can we do.. We are helpless.. I tried many times telling my Mom that not to be to possessive.. thats not good for her as well us everybody …But she cannot understand and she doesn’t listen to me….. She cannot change her behaviour ….. And after you have come… I have also noticed you suffer a lot because of my mother’s over affection and possiveness….. We ‘ll try our level best to change their attitude of her dear..and also my father’’s too ..

But How..??? that was a Big Question….

This is not the story of Radhika and Shyam..many more youngsters undergoing this state of dominated by their parents in each and every act , over affection from their parents, sometimes egoistic parents and many more …..

These youngsters cannot ignore their parents or change the attitude and behaviour of the parents.. They fail to live their own life sacrificing their aspirations and desires...

They are in a pathetic position without knowing how to take a decision ..

Last but not the least…
Please Dear Elders Live …..Let Live !!

(Possiveness prevails in all relationships, between a husband and wife, Between lovers,Between Friends, Between Parents and children…. Their is no limitations for LOVE ..but LOVE should not turn into POSSIVENESS at any point ..)

Prb · Jun 15, 2008

Hi Brindha:

You're have highlighted an interesting reality- there are so many newly married youngsters which are troubled by over-interfering elders. But I guess it is for the man to do the balancing act.

I know of men who try and make the transition for the women easy. There are times when the couple will have to go ahead and do things- the MIL will feel bad initially. After a few times they will come around and realise they have a life for themselves.

Cheers,
Prb.

Arunarc · Jun 15, 2008

Hi Brindha
Well written..................Yes parents should not be over possessive about their kids, especially when they are married, becoz after marriage they too wish to live they own life. As the elders have already passed that phrase of life and now is the turn of the youngester to live.
Yes elders should live and let to live..........

Paulina · Jun 15, 2008

Dear Brindha,
The problems created by possessiveness have been focused on and the heroine in your story , Radhika is fortunate that her husband Shyam understands this problem regarding his parents, more so about the mother's case.Thankfully he did not turn out to be the classical spolit brat that all such children grow up into and so he and his wife can work out an amicable solution.But in real life how many young newly married girls really get such understanding husbands.Your story holds out hope for young understanding couples .
A good read and an eyeopener and a plea to all MIL's to be more generous to their new DIL's who have to make tremendous adjustments in their new home.
Thanks Brindha for the message conveyed here.

warm regards
PAULINA:wave

iyerviji · Jun 15, 2008

Dear Brindhak

Its true that some mothers are over possessive. But what to do some mothers dont understand that after marriage the son has to be affectionate and listen to his wife also. And some wives are very possessive so if the mother is also possessive it is very difficult.

I am a daughter in law and now i am mother in law so i can understand the situation. I dont interfere with my son and daughter in law's life and if anything is there i tell my son so he takes care. My daughter in law knows that my son is very fond of me and she herself told me that he had told her that what he is today is becos of his mom.

I think the future mother in laws will understand their daughter in laws. So in future there wont be any problems like this. who knows it might be viceversa dil might be craving for mil's attention but they might not get

with love

viji

brindhak said: ↑

Radhika was waiting for her friend in a café… She glanced the watch every two mintues and her eyes were wandering…. She saw her friend Priya rushing through the entrance very fastly.. She saw Radhika and came to her table…

Heyy !! Radhii How are you … ?and why did you call me in the afternoon ??You were so depressed and frustrated I could get that from your voice..Why dear What happened any problem in the home???

Radhika was married only few months before .She was the only girl and was the darling for her parents…. They couldn’t oppose the proposal of Shyam ‘s family when they approached for marriage… Shyam fulfilled all the expectations that Radhika’s family had.. And also they were pleased with Shyam’s family members…. Being the only son .. they had lot of love and affection for their son. and they were also satisfied with Radhika’s family… and the marriage took place ina grand manner...

And now the reason to meet her friend was….…..

After few days of marriage…Radhika noticed one thing very clearly that Shyam's parents were very affectionate towards the son that too the mother….. She always treated her son as a small boy….She never ever thought that he is married…..and there is a wife for him to take care of his needs….

One day She directly told to her DIL , “ Radhika….. I don’t like any one cooking for my son.. Or giving him food…. I ‘ll take care of all these for Shyam….. You go and do some other work…

I’ ll wash his clothes… Why are you suffering from these works….?
Is it a suffering for a wife to wash her DH clothes , or preparing food for him..……?

Even Shyam’s Mom selected his office wear …. Even a cup of coffee was given by his Mom to Shyam…. Sometimes Shyam also didn’t like the over dosage of affection from his Mom…..

And more the worst case… Shyam's mother insisted to take her also out with them whenever they went out to shopping or some other places….. And Shyam Father for his part did ‘nt even allow him to sign even in a Insurance policy.. He always said Shyam you are not that much ...You dont have maturity and you don’t know about all this my boy..I ll take care of all these transactions…. You don’t worry….. You Don’t know this, Why are to trying to do this…...was the only thing he was saying all time…..

Radhika was shattered seeing all this ...She couldn’t control her tears ….. and she felt very insulted When Shyam’s father told that Shyam doesn’t know anything…. It was very new to her that a Father saying to everybody that his son does’nt know anything… that too a 30 yr old son…..

She was first very much confused whether to tell her feelings to her DH..

Shyam was working in Shifts and was hardly very few hours in the home… She thought it was not right to complain about his mother to him….

And moreover he was at home only for few hours ..She thought of not spoiling his mood . She was having a great trauma….

She felt very depressed that she couldn’t make a cup of coffee for her DH or even had some time in their own home to talk with him happily…..

She was under this phase for about six months….but she couldn’t tolerate at one point…She didn’t want to inform her parents because she thought of struggling herself and to find a solution until she can do it…. She didnt want to disclose all this even to her mother beacause she was a heart patient...

But At one point she decided to share this atleast with her friend so she decided to meet her .....

Radhika told all this with broken voice…to her friend… ….... What can I do for this….???? Tell me Priya she asked…..

Are you Mad or what ??? Yelled Priya….Without controlling herself…forgetting the environment around them..

Why didn’t you tell all these to your husband… He is the one to talk to his Mom….. So please Radhika … Tell your Husband and find a solution and Start your life at least after that..

Radhika poured all her feelings and grievances to Shyam…very clearly without hurting anybody …..

To her Surprise Shyam did oppose her statements…. Yes Radhika. You are correct.. My Mom is possessive too possessive when it comes for me…. Im undergoing this from child hood.. Sometimes her over affection put me in trouble also… I feel that I don’t have any freedom because of my father's activites...that’s the truth dear…..

Radhika couldn’t believe my ears…….. She was totally freezed… when Shyam told this.. She thought Even Shyam had a lot of grievances with his parents….

Shyam Continued… but Dear.. What can we do.. We are helpless.. I tried many times telling my Mom that not to be to possessive.. thats not good for her as well us everybody …But she cannot understand and she doesn’t listen to me….. She cannot change her behaviour ….. And after you have come… I have also noticed you suffer a lot because of my mother’s over affection and possiveness….. We ‘ll try our level best to change their attitude of her dear..and also my father’’s too ..

But How..??? that was a Big Question….

This is not the story of Radhika and Shyam..many more youngsters undergoing this state of dominated by their parents in each and every act , over affection from their parents, sometimes egoistic parents and many more …..

These youngsters cannot ignore their parents or change the attitude and behaviour of the parents.. They fail to live their own life sacrificing their aspirations and desires...

They are in a pathetic position without knowing how to take a decision ..

Last but not the least…
Please Dear Elders Live …..Let Live !!

(Possiveness prevails in all relationships, between a husband and wife, Between lovers,Between Friends, Between Parents and children…. Their is no limitations for LOVE ..but LOVE should not turn into POSSIVENESS at any point ..)

Click to expand...

humerarouf · Jun 15, 2008

Dear Brindhak,
This kind of problem exists in many a homes,probably the reason why a MIL does not like a Dil is that she fears losing importance in a sons life to a young girl .mothers having struggled and sufferred in bringing up children with greatest of affection and care almost earn the right to be possessive, but again it neede a womans heart to give up that right for a new budding relation and a peaceful home.Can you imagine how much will she be wounded when a mother realises that her son can do without her.I believe it should be a delibrate attempt on part of children to make the elders believe that they are useful and important.,at the same time creating a space for themselves.Lets not be harsh on the elders.
Regards,humera

jaishree9 · Jun 15, 2008

Hi brindhak
This is true that many mums acts that way & fathers become overprotective .Actually parents must give way to reality that their kid has grown up & needs to spread his/her wings & must learn to fly for him/herself.
too much protectiveness results in many complications in children's life.

pavithrasriram · Jun 15, 2008

hi brindha,
well written.
i think it's a bit of give and take which makes a family happy.
if that's there then there are no problems.
regards
pavi

sowminivibu · Jun 15, 2008

hi brindha

i can see that this possessiveness developing because the family size is shrinking now and all of us just stop with one kid...we pour all our love and affection on that child and once it gets beyond a point that love gets transformed into mad possesiveness that does not help anybody and spoils the lives of all involved..

lov
sowmi

brindhak · Jun 16, 2008

Prb said: ↑

Hi Brindha:

You're have highlighted an interesting reality- there are so many newly married youngsters which are troubled by over-interfering elders. But I guess it is for the man to do the balancing act.

I know of men who try and make the transition for the women easy. There are times when the couple will have to go ahead and do things- the MIL will feel bad initially. After a few times they will come around and realise they have a life for themselves.

Cheers,
Prb.
Click to expand...

Dear Prb....
Very nice to see your first feedback dear.. I do agree with you..If the Man handles this in a balanced way..they can find a good solution.... But Many fail to do this....

Thanx dear....