Self love

[FONT=&quot]My wife was to go to India on December 2[SUP]nd[/SUP] and I was sitting in front of the computer watching the flood situation in Chennai at midnight on December 1[SUP]st[/SUP] only to realize that there was no purpose in sending her as scheduled with her elderly mother. I changed her ticket to leave on December 9[SUP]th[/SUP] hoping that the flood situation would improve before that. Later, I found the airline canceled the flight to Chennai for week only to restart the operation from December 8[SUP]th[/SUP].
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[FONT=&quot]I join them on January 7[SUP]th[/SUP] to perform an all-important Ekadasi Rudram on January 10[SUP]th[/SUP]. Luckily everything went well and we performed it with the presence of all the relatives. My wife wanted us to visit a few temples in Karnataka during this visit and we were supposed to leave on 18[SUP]th[/SUP] but I woke up with bad health unable to travel. We had to cancel the trip only to reschedule to leave on January 21[SUP]st[/SUP]. On January 25[SUP]th[/SUP], we were in Udipi and suddenly my instinct told me to leave for Chennai. We left Udipi at 9 a.m. to reach Chennai at 12 Midnight. The next day morning at 10:30, my uncle who was instrumental for my upbringing passed away at the age of 100. I felt very fortunate to be physically present during his final journey. I was counting my blessings as if it had happened after I left for the US, I would have missed the opportunity to be with him or if it had happened the next day after I left for Karnataka, I could have found it hard to reach Chennai before his funeral and felt miserable.
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[FONT=&quot]But, not everything works out as well as the last two I have mentioned. The last year is the worst year in my business and we didn’t close any transaction. Every deal that was supposed to close slipped away for some reason or other as our business model is based on success of closing transactions. I was postponing doing a lot of work including some home remodeling and hence I applied for a home-equity loan. That got rejected by a Bank despite I continue to have an outstanding credit history and excellent income stream for many years. I have applied to another smaller bank and they sanctioned it in a heartbeat.
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[FONT=&quot]The moment I closed that home-equity line, my roof started leaking resulting in me spending a lot to replace the entire roof. Now my central air-conditioning system is failing and I need to replace it with energy efficient new system which means I had to change air-handler, heating system, etc. I have been postponing the remodeling of our kitchen and master bathroom for nearly six months now waiting for better cash flow. I don’t like to draw the home-equity line until I have generated enough income stream to repay the home equity line systematically. The foreclosures of homes of many neighbors have taught me invaluable lessons what not to do. I bought my home in 1998 without any mortgage by paying cash in order to avoid any risk of my family facing debt if something were to happen to me.
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[FONT=&quot]I have a tendency to be pretty hard on myself. I am always very aware of where I fall short on being the person I would like to be or doing things as well as I would like to. And when I do mess up and make a mistake, I am very talented at self-berating. I am actively working on being kinder to myself and laugh at myself more, criticize less and be quicker to forgive my failing and fallibility. Like so many things in life, this is work in progress.
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[FONT=&quot]I understand I can never be perfect and we are all struggling to be successful in our own way. In order to establish the peace in our lives that eludes us until we learn to accept things as it happens and not be too hard on ourselves, we need to be patient. Of course none of us are perfect. We all struggle in our own way. Expecting that we should have it 'all together' all the time sets us up for a lifetime of disappointing ourselves.
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[FONT=&quot]One thing I have learned though is that by sharing our struggles it lightens the burden, enabling us to handle them better and to avoid the self-destructive shame they can cause us to feel. The negative emotions we create by being overly hard on ourselves not only erode our happiness, but change our physiology. Beating up on ourselves actually narrows our peripheral vision so that, both metaphorically and literally, we can see less opportunity to address our challenges, fix our mistakes and create the opportunities we would like to grab.
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[FONT=&quot]So, rather than being our own worst critic, let us treat ourselves as a good friend might treat us. Rather than struggling on alone, let us reach out and share what we wrestle with. And rather than considering our problems as obstacles, let us embrace our struggles for the opportunity they hold to deepen our learning, our living and our loving. Most of all, let us try to be a little kinder to ourselves than feels necessary. Let us do the same for others. The world will be a better place.[/FONT]

 

Dear Vaidehi,

Thank you for your first response. Each one have a different path based on embedded encryption we all came with and hence obstacles are different. The belief that the one who gave these obstacles have given them for a reason and will ensure that we overcome that if we have faith in self.

It is important to self-analyze not to commit any sin but what happens around us is not in our control and hence we should have the ability to face them with confidence.

Viswa

 

Dear Uma,

Thank you for reading and responding with a quick appreciation.

Viswa

 

Dear Agatha,

We were a few seconds before they shut down for another pooja ritual and it is so exciting to see the beautiful Krishna through those holes. If I was in India and missed my uncle's funeral, I would have felt miserable. It is the blessings of the Lord that made me present near him during his last journey.

Exactly. We only need to do self-analysis to watch our own thoughts, words, actions and character and we should never blame us for things that happen around us which are not in our control. We should have the ability to endure them with the hope that those moments are not going to stay longer.

Viswa

 

Dear Syamala,

Thank you for your responses as always no matter what I write about. Self-analysis, in my view, is an important step in character development but it should be confined to watching our thoughts, words and actions. We should never blame ourselves for what happens that are not in our control. Even if we make mistakes in our thoughts, words and actions, we should analyze to learn lessons and never make that mistake again. However, we should have the ability to pardon ourselves so that it doesn't become a scar in our heart.

Loving Self should be viewed as the opportunity to live and do good things. Loving our body, mind and intellect are not loving self. The one who loves the body becomes obsessed and disappointed when the body ages whereas the one who loves the mind becomes egoistic and arrogant. Love should be to admire how the body works in situations and how thoughts humble our overall life. The moment the mind compares us with that of others, the admiration becomes tainted. Let us appreciate with gratitude what is given to us and feel confident to use it wisely.

Viswa