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Just Be!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by rgsrinivasan, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    The other day, I turned the hot water tap and with a little hesitation like a kid, water started to fill up the tub that already had cold water up to its half. After a minute [or more? I never know how these minutes add up like ants sooner], I closed the tap and tested the water. Sure enough, it was hot, but as I dipped my hand further, I found that the water underneath was colder, just resembling those who are dear to us, being strong at times for our own good, but always kinder inside. I smiled, stretched a bit and had my bath. My kid was banging the door. "How much time will you take?", he asked.

    I dressed up in a hurry and went with him to his school. "Story time!", he said, sitting on a swing. While saying the story about a valiant mouse knight [mostly made up on similar themes with strict clauses that include (a) Nobody should die (b) No separation of a dear one from parents / friends], I wondered what would he think about me, who is neither mouse-like nor valiant. Children are generally smart and may soon give up the "My dad is a super hero!", thought I guess. With my impatience creeping up, I saw the watch and said that we had five minutes more. "What? Only five minutes? I thought we had six!", the child claimed. I smiled realizing that he liked these occasions more than what I thought.

    Continuing from where I left off, I tried figuring out what I liked most. There was a time when I spent most of my time reading books of any kind. Then came those fun moments when I played cricket almost for 10 hours or more a day. Now when I look back, these look like a mirage. Not exerting much for years and eating without restriction, I show up a weight that even the weighing machine displays after a sigh. Gone are the days when I could sing fluently. Now if a line is too long, I pause [have to]. Gone are those happy non-stop chattering days. Now I can put what I speak in a day to dear ones in a single sheet of paper. My lies count will go up by 1 if I say, "But I am busy!". "Then where are these days spent?", I wondered one fine day and made a resolution to read at least 3 pages a day. To my dismay, this was never followed beyond a day. I opened this site and browsed a few snippets and chose one that had the most likes and feedback. Whoa! I could not read beyond two paragraphs there too, losing interest. The post should have been really good, but I didn't get the crux of it, within the 8 lines that I read. I know that I am lazy, but to this extent or what?

    At work, after spending almost three-fourth of a day looking at an issue and finally fixing it, I saw that the most productive part was perhaps one-tenth of that. And I have postponed this issue for more than three days already, fearing it could turn out to be much complex. I wiped my brow and took a break ["Well deserved!", saying to myself]. The sun had been down then and a cool breeze came and caressed me a bit. I went back fully fresh, signed off for the day sooner and left. While travelling back, I read that snippet and this time, I was able to complete it at one go. I wondered when I would ever have such a skill and vocabulary to write one myself. I knew that it would be like attempting a marathon. "Not impossible!", I consoled myself while my sinister mind ended thus - "for others of course!". I just counted the number of masks that I wear everyday - at home, in the work place, during travel, during a play session with others and how I always was able to show up with a confidence that I never have in reality. Like an ant seen under a microscope, I bloated my image so big, not just to others, but to myself too. I had been humiliated at times and spent quite a few sleepless nights for that, but this one was different. To realize what I really know, it took me a lot of courage. Fine! Now that I realized these all, would I be changing myself a lot, in the coming days? The answer is - I don't know!

    One part of my mind will be quick in saying, "But that was a made up thing - this resolution and all!", while the other will have a flickering hope that I will try at least a bit next time. As usual, I find faults in others, their performances which are stellar compared to mine and keep my head high. I know that at some point, I will change and change for good. And yes, there are a lot of things good and bad in each of us. Bringing oneself down is something that we may do often, but at some point we stop doing these things and end up with, "Thats it! This is me!". Once we start accepting ourselves, we start growing.

    I hope I will just be.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice to see you here RGS. Been quite a while. Yes, self-acceptance is a hard lesson to learn, but it has to be done nonetheless. Imagine what anything else would mean if we could not accept ourselves. If we don't, then how do we love others or value and accept others, because in our own eyes it means nothing - because we feel we are not worth anything ourselves. So, look into the mirror every morning, smile at yourself and say, 'i love myself so much!" :-D
     
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  3. omsrisai

    omsrisai IL Hall of Fame

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    RGS,

    Nice to see you back in Snippets section,self realization one thing which we dont do about our self.

    Once we realize who we are then life will be easy for us.

    I too realize that i want just be i am
     
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  4. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    Nice write up about self exploration.
    You are doing well . You wrote more than 8 lines and very interestingly too.
    Just keep it up.
     
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  5. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    rgs! You are brutally honest and that is bound to fetch growth and nothing else. As in most other things, it is always in retrospect we realize and even if we change and change for good, I don't think it will come staring at us, slamming us with "Here I am, do you see me?". I think it is subtle and keeps happening whether we wish for it or not.

    Nice write up. Enjoyed reading it.
     
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  6. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice to see you here. Good writing and narration.
    Thanks.
     
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  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear RGS,
    Nice thoughts.Once we start analysing about ourselves,no more looking back.The more we start assessing us,the more we come to know what we don't know.That is real knowledge and sooner it will get transformed into wisdom.Wish you all the best.
    Jayasala 42
     
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  8. rohsiK

    rohsiK Gold IL'ite

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    Nice write up Rgs, self exploration brings clarity in our thought process.
     
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  9. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks RohsiK for your appreciation. I must add one thing here - I am not against change, rather brought the reluctance of changing oneself for good. -rgs
     
  10. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for a lovely feedback Jayasala madam. The second sentence in particular, is one of my favorite ones. At some point in time, we get a bit heavier in the head, refusing to learn. I intend to shy that every now and then and tried stating what I feel openly here. Happy to see that it gets noted. -rgs
     

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