What a grandma longs for

What a grandma longs for
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It has never been my ambition to write poems like Tennyson or Wordsworth, but I wanted to enjoy the happiness of a five year old absorbingly stringing beads one after the other.I was well aware that“Being a mother is learning about strengths you did not know you had;and dealing with fears you did’tknow existed”Was it too much for me to have liked kids because they are highly imaginative,curious to the core and do things for sheer enjoyment?Unfortunately we were caught when recognition for career women made its appearance.

My loving MIL was there to look after the children. We had servant maids for extra help.Yet we missed many a precious milestones in our children’s lives.I could not enjoy the pranks of my daughter;I could not enjoy how my son crawled after a maravattai( a two inch long multipede) and was trying to put it into his mouth;I could not appreciate his doing pooja just like his father;I could not enjoy his cricket commentary in his own language; Their activities brimmed with energy never enchanted us;

Neither we appreciated the false tummy aches nor the real pains our children suffered from,as we were in a hurry to keep breakfast ready and pack them off.We either cooperated with their conspiracy for absence or yelled at them unreasonably with the single motive of early compliance,though unwillingly,by children.We have been threatening,rewarding,abusing all at one time.


In the process we missed the bushy hair and chubby cheeks of our own children that drew the comments and envy from all others.We missed the wonderful opportunity of how our children reacted to the admiration,shrinking their eyes with a silent smile hiding behind some one.I missed the opportunity of seeing the role played by my son in fancy dress competition,dressed as 'crop thalai kanakam mami' in traditional iyer madisar style.,holding a multiholed laddle and a large murukku in his little hands.I could not take leave as Central office inspection was on.We practically did nothing but to feel guilty and transfer our anxiety to children.They somehow grew.

Fifty years are over.Children are settled well, mostly abroad.If we were granted any wish by God,we would like to see our children back as five year old kids ,to hug them to our fullest satisfaction,allow them to shout at their maximum,to listen to their grievances, to answer them patiently just to get rid of the guilty feeling.Another golden opportunity!We are blessed with grandchildren.



We thought we had forgotten all about baby care. But our arms remember to hold and bathe the baby.We thought we forgot to sing or tell stories;but our tongues remember.We thought we have become too old.But surprisingly we are able to climb into the loft to keep or drop down the toys then and there.We are awaiting the broad smiles that may bridge the gap between us.We can take small steps with the child,talk in their language,pick small pebbles, draw funny cartoons with crayons and fulfill all their desires.We can wake up for hours,entertain them with lots and lots of tales,buy tins of ice creams,drink and dance with them, play all the fun games.Hugging, kissing,tickling and giggling liberally allowed.Now we have the time to spare, mind to devote and money to spend.Through them we can peep through the future;through us they can rewind the past.

But alas! Is it a dream?Luck has slipped out of hands.We can have a brief darshan of our grandkids only through skype once in a while at their discretion.Virtual grandmas cuddling with virtual kids


I see a small card held in the tiny hands of my grandson.Card is visible on the monitor.My grandson is pestering me to read.Tears blurring my vision, and with choking throat I read in a feeble voice.“Grandma holds our tiny hands for a just a little while ,-but our hearts for ever”.

Now the meaning of the words “ Life is what happens to you ,while you’re busy making plans”(John Lennon)becomes clearer to me. 50 years back our profession no longer defined us;nor did our motherhood.We were just two pieces never transformed into a meaningful WHOLE. Were we mothers?Are we grandmas?Neither for sure.We are simply oldies by age.But who can prevent me standing at my doorsteps waving hands to all the kiddies passing through our lane when the school starts in June?I can silently watch the little fingers holding their moms’hands,some hugging their mothers getting assurance for the next day’s ‘NO SCHOOL’.An experience, I missed.

Who can stand in the way of my enjoying their innocent smiles in exchange for a hug?“ We can do no great things;but many small things with great love.”-Mother Teresa.

Jayasala 42

 

Dear jskls,
Thank you for your first feed back.Very recently my son with DIL with kids were here. We spent a nice time for 40 days. With a child every day experience is precious. That particular day with the specific event will never come back.It does not relate to me alone but to all the grandmas in general.As working mothers we didn't concentrate much on children.As grandparents we have necessarily to be away.
We know fully well that after 12 or 13 children want to be of their own and get into'identity crisis' as a part of adolescence.After the period way of dealing with them has to change altogether and there is likely to be a distance though bound by love and affection.

jayasala 42

 

Dear Surekhap,
Thank you for a wonderful response.You have taken a good decision of being a 'stay-at-home'Mom.
But every one has to take decisions according to circumstances. In those days'work from home' was not possible.Even today only I. T. jobs can be done at home. Teachers,doctors,Bank professionals can never do that.taking too long a leave also was not feasible for fear of transfer to other cities/districts.Once we left the job, the career was over.We could never dream of starting our career again.
Many argue that children will be with us at the most for 4 or 5 years and afterwards they spend the time mostly in school and may not be with us at all. But psychologists say that the first 4 or 5 years' life is very very important in a child's life and full growth of brain is over by 5 years.That is the period when mother's presence is absolutely essential.
Not that all children of stay at Home mothers are the best in everything and those of working mothers lack in certain things.Being not at home during day time may be compensated by spending quality time in the evenings.But mother has to forego her rest, readjust her schedule sometimes at the cost of her health.9A. M to6 P. M-an absence of 9 long hours in a day is too much for children. Elders can talk of 'quality time'.Mothers can even prepare minute wise schedule for evenings and keep it up. But children do not bother about'quality houra'. For them'amma's presence in the house for ever is the most psychological satisfying point.They may play in the veranda throughout even without caring for mother.But the joy they experience on Satuday afternoons, Sundays and hoildays ,smiling countenances definitely speak of their mind. Children may not cry, may not weep when mothers leave for office and expect her to return only in the evening,may not give any disturbance to grandma.outwardly they seem to be very matured which is not expected at that age.
I think the topic should be 'what the kids long for'.
World is changing. Motherhood has to be redefined.We move along with the tide.

jayasala 42

 

Dear Ramya,
Thanks for your nice response.What you say is quite true. Grand parents' enjoyment is ( except under exceptional circumstances) is a free entertainment without much botheration.Lucky are those grandparents who can reside with their children/grandchildren as a well knit family.

Jayasala 42

 

Dear Viswa,
A wonderful response as ever.Your narration of $100/ emphasizes how a child is longing

for the company.Whatever decision we take, there will be some positive and negative impact .We have to compromise one or the other.Perhaps those grandmas surrounded always by children may long for a break without children.

Jayasala 42