Don't expect but appreciate!

Let me start my post by giving a glance of my life.

PART 1:- I was raised by my nanaji (mother's father), naniji, mama, masi. Please don't misunderstand, my parents are alive and in healthy state. My nanaji and mama raised me since I was 3, before that also most of the time I was with my mother at nanaji's place only. But then because of some or other issue my nanaji took me with my parents permission to his place. So all in all I was brought up by my nanaji and his family, which is my family now. I love them more dearly than my mother and father, which is natural.

Now this post is not intended to raise questions on my nanaji or my father at all. This post I am writing is very different. Getting back on track, my mama and nanaji took all responsibility of my education and everything else and also they did everything including my marriage.

PART 2:- I am happily married. I had my share of big issues in starting of my marriage. FIL gave me hard time including not allowing to go in kitchen and other things. I was told by my nani and masi to keep mum and not argue for anything. But once after 2.5 years, due to some big problem(my FIL's personal problem), he insulted my nana and nani, I got terribly hurt and cannot help but said him not to say anything for my grand parents.

My FIL was staying alone at his own new house since after 6 months of marriage, but use to come to where my DH and I (which is also my FIL's house and we paid rent for it which was fair) lived for 3-4 days a week. Now last year due to DH's promotion we got shifted to Gurgaon. My relation with my FIL, by we got shifted to gurgaon, was much more good and stronger and now I consider him at place of my father. I appreciate and respect what he has done for his three kids alone, which I will not be able to do for my kid when I will have my own.

Last August, FIL undergone two surgeries back to back. My jeth took FIL to his house as he was recovering from his surgeries. When DH and I went their, my jeth's house is small, so it was very obvious for us to go at the house where we were staying earlier. That house was a GIANT mess of dirt. We couldn't even breathe because it was smelling yuck.

Then on the day of arrival after just putting things on place and cleaning the house with water, we went to jeth's place to meet FIL. We spent whole day with FIL. When we came back house was still filthy, but we were so tired we just slept. On second day my mama was coming to meet my FIL for his surgery, he came when we came, because mama does not know where jeth lives. I again went with my mama to meet my FIL. That day also went like that.

Third day we had so many things to cover up, like going to bank, govt offices. On fourth day we started deep cleaning of house. I cleaned each and every vessel of kitchen, hubby scrubbed floors of tiles with soap. I understand that my FIL was not well and he couldn't do anything and we wanted to clean the house so when anyone wants to visit that house, it will be organized and clean enough.

PART 3:- Now joining both parts, I want to visit my nanaji this diwali as I have not seen him since a year, he is 85. Nanaji has not demanded that I should go to meet him but I want to. But my FIL wants me to come and do his seva(which I don't mind and try to do my best). DH and I will be first staying with FIL and then I will go to meet my nanaji and naniji and my heart is crying to meet them.
I have begged my FIL to stay with us forever but he wants that my DH should quit his job and come back to ahmedabad and then and only then he will stay with us and also FIL says that my duties lies with him only and not to visit to nanaji. Is this fair?

I am not even entitled to visit my nanaji this diwali? Does my duties lies only towards my in-laws family? I don't think so, I am going to carry on with my plan. Why we don't understand that when girl becomes DIL she does not cuts relation with her parents. Does son cuts his relation with his parents when he gets married? NO. And son should not do so.

My situation is so different. My nanaji does not expect anything from me even does not say me to visit them. While FIL expects so much from DH and I that i cannot help but think that should we go in for his all wishes? Why to do emotional blackmailing to DILs? Why to expect so much?

 

Tamari vat sachi chhe akanksha. Hu javani j chhu. Sasra ne madi ne jvani chhu, atle sasra ne khbr pdse j. Pn aa vakhte thodu practical banvu pdse. Emotional blackmail ma hu nahi aavi jau. Thank you tame respond karyu mate.

 

What bothers me is nobody wants our(dh and my) company they only want that we should work for them. FIL wants my seva in sense he wants me to do all cleaning, cooking. That's all. I am telling FIL to move with us so that I can take care of him and my house has washing machine so most of my work is reduced. But he wants me to move with him and do all work.

Each and every time when we visit ahmedabad we have to clean everything. It's not that we are very peculiar about cleanliness but FIL doesn't care to sweep house even once a week or clean kitchen or hire a maid to do so. He only wants me to go and clean. I don't mind but I am also human being I also get tied. I can't remember any Diwali after marriage when I have worn new clothes, do pooja etc because I have to do chores of cleaning.

And not allowing to visit my nanaji is from starring of marriage. I am not going on the day of Diwali, but I can go after that, but no, as still some people are have not visited for Diwali. And if I am not there who will do all work? My jeth and jethani never visited FIL place last year because it is filthy. But they advised us to be good and do all work as they have kids who will not allow them to do work.

This time I will do what my heart says. My husband supports me as he has seen me fulfilling every wish if his father. And now onwards I am not going to ahmedabad only to do cleaning, I am going to enjoy my stay.

 

I have cleaned house on the night of my marriage because there was no place where anyone can sit. I did it in my bridal wear, my mehndi only lasted till my reception because of doing dishes and washing clothes. I feel devastated even today when I remember this. My jethani or nanad were of no help, they don't think that cleaning is necessary. When I came home on the day of marriage, nobody took care to be with me and I was sitting alone in car as DH has to go arrange for dinner for everyone. On dining table, there were marks of tea cups, food bits, dal splashes.

Day after reception when I opened kitchen pantry, there were insects in every container of food. I had not seen any kitchen like this in my life. I thought hubby is good I will manage and make this a beautiful home. FIL told me straight away not to clean anything. Also everyone made a joke that insects give protein so they are OK.

I worked my ass off to make this place a house. My faith on God was gone when I got married. II still cannot put 100% faith inGod. My nani, mama, Masi have not raised me to live in a place like that.

How long I will tolerate this nonsense? For me my house is temple, I want it cleaned and be happy in home, like my nani ma taught me.

 

yup felt so much to share this, sorry i described my past, but it helped me vent out. Thank you for response!